I am 22 and have been in a relationship for a long time (6 years). I love her so much. I can sit here and promis her that i will never ever cheat on her. I can't explain it, i just wont let it happen, that is the bottom line. She says honey i love you and i know i love you but i can't promis you that. I know i will never try hurt you and i don't wont to cheat on you but it is the future and i just don't know. But i can say i love you.
2007-05-28 12:32:22 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Walk away. Tell her to look you up when she IS able to make that promise. It's not too much to ask.
2007-05-28 12:35:31 · answer #1 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
As a woman who has been married for nearly 23 years and has never cheated - or even wanted to - I can tell you that not only is it possible to promise it, it is possible to live it.
That doesn't mean that things have always been great between my husband and myself either. Its just if there is no commitment to faithfulness, then there is no real love. Staying there through the tough times is what real love is about, and not taking an easy way out, when things get hard.
If she can't or won't make the commitment, then maybe she's not yet ready for marriage. At least she's being honest.
2007-05-28 12:43:48 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really suppose to go without saying in a marriage. Both of you are commiting soley to each other in that marriage. So many people take marriage lightly, because of a way out being an alternative (divorce). Marriage is suppose to be the ultimate commitment. And that calls for 2 people meeting each other needs in holy matrimony. When you say "I do" all of the promises are made. Nowadays marriage is one big glamorous joke. That is sad. If someone is thinking of cheating, then marriage should not be on their minds. Thats selfish. To commit with love and faith, and then betray both. How can love be apart of things.
2007-05-28 12:42:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then don't marry her. She is basically saying "Hey, your okay, but if I find something better I am going to go behind your back and have sex and/or start a relationship with the other guy."
Six years is a long time, but you were 16 when you started dating, people change a lot during this time and this makes the relationship even harder, especially if you haven't really experienced life and whats out there. You have to work harder in your relationship right now and she's not willing to do that. Why would you spend the rest of your life with this person?
2007-05-28 12:39:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can predict the future. Everyone has different morals. I personally know myself and know that I would never do that to anyone. I would avoid getting myself into situations that could cause to temptations. I think the older and more mature you get the easier it is to predict how you would act in certain situations. When you are 22 or younger it is harder to tell. It depends on the person, how they were brought up, and their views on cheating. Even then though, it is to hard to tell. Even still, if you've been with someone 6 years and you still can't tell, then there is a problem.
2007-05-28 12:39:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think that is too much to ask - if you get married in a Church of England, at least, one of the vows you both take is to "forsake all others" and stay faithful to each other come what may....
I know I am a fine one to talk (having rushed into a marriage that has not worked out well), but whatever your religion or lack of, you do need to be friends with one another as well as "in love", and to respect each other, as feeling in love alone is not enough to build a lifelong commitment on. Also you need to sort out whether you agree on important issues of life, as difficulties do not magically disappear once you have tied the knot, and in fact can get a lot worse!! But at least it sounds as if you are really crazy about her, and that is the main thing.
2007-05-28 12:43:48 · answer #6 · answered by jill_vic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation with my husband...he was the one who said he couldn't guarantee it. This came up shortly after we got engaged and was definitely frustrating and worrisome for me. Finally, we talked about it more and it came down to the fact that he doesn't want to guarantee the future, which he views as totally unpredictable. He'd rather not guarantee something then to compound the hurt of cheating by promising he never would and breaking that promise. If that makes any sense. He will say that he is definitely not the cheating kind and that at the present he has not intention of ever cheating...but when asked to think of 40 years down the road, he won't say one way or another. I think you have to decide for yourself if you think your partner is being honest with you and will cheat on you. Hopefully you know them well enough that you can decide.
2007-05-28 12:37:11 · answer #7 · answered by bluehonu13 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound insecure. You don't know in certainty what the future holds. You can promise until your blue in the face that you won't cheat, but even with that you don't know the future. Instead of making her promise not to cheat - you both should make promises not to lie to each other - which I think is more important in a relationship. So the question should be: If you cheat on me - will you lie about it?
2007-05-28 12:39:40 · answer #8 · answered by e_spehr_99 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG....I would've started crying :( I'm sorry, I just don't know how she can say that. Would she care if you said that to her? I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I could never even imagine some other guy turning my head much less being intimate with him, yuk! And I know my boyfriend feels the same as I do. He would never cheat on me. Maybe she's right, maybe something could change, but I really don't think that's possible. She needs be on the same page as you, or you're never going to feel like she loves you as deeply as you love her. I wish there was a way she could understand that saying things like that can eat away at what y'all have now...it's hard to strengthen a relationship you're unsure of.
I don't feel like I'm being as helpful as I would like to be.....but you should let her know how it makes you feel that she can't promise to love you, and only you. You deserve someone that can.
2007-05-28 12:45:35 · answer #9 · answered by bbmecum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is either she's trying to face reality or she knows she might cheat on you if she's not cheating now. As long as you promise her she should be able to promise you too even if it has to do with the future. Well if after 6 years she didn't cheat then maybe she might not in the future.
2007-05-28 12:38:19 · answer #10 · answered by Kiddo C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's insane. She loves you, but can't promise not to cheat on you? You're asking for big trouble if you marry her. Her love is not the lasting kind, obviously. Most likely she can't promise to "love and cherish you as long as you both shall live," either. Not cheating is usually part of the wedding vows, anyway. This girl doesn't know the meaning of marriage.
2007-05-28 12:37:54 · answer #11 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋