what do i tell my friend?

Question

for the past three years, my friend and i have gone to my grandparents cottage for a few days in the summer. We've had good times, but this year, she's chosen to hand out with other people, and we aren't as close anymore. I want to bring someone else with me, and my friend has already started asking me when we are going. I don't want to bring her with, but i don't want to lie and say that we aren't going. I don't know what to do...it's been a tradition for us, but she simply isn't close to me anymore. Help!

I should probably mention that I have already resigned myself to the fact that she does not want my friendship...I tried to save it,but we aren't close. At this point, i don't really want to ressurect the friendship.

Answer 1

Tell your friend that you are sorry but you have already invited someone else. Explain to her that since she has been hanging out with other people that you thought she would want to hang out with her new friends. Tell her that she might enjoy doing something different with new friends and that hanging out at your grandparents cottage for the summer may not last much longer. You will all eventually go on your seperate ways. Me and my best friend use to hang out all the time and do the same thing every summer and then she started hanging out with new people and it bothered me at first but then I just understood that she needed to do something different as so did I. We are still good friends but we dont hang out much or talk very much but she is always in my mind because she was like a big sister to me. She may be a little upset but she'll understand. And if she doesn't then she might just not be the kind of friend that you need to have.

Answer 2

hmm, this is a tough one! I would say this....
Honesty is the best policy, but not "brutality" so to speak.
Explain to her that you guys have not spent much time together during the year, and that you are considering either going "solo" to grandma's or bringing someone else to the cottage this summer. Tell her that you are not doing it to be mean or "prove a point" or anything, but rather you have met some other people and want to hang out with them, jsut as she has hung otu with her other friends over the past year. This is really tough because you don;t want to lose her as friend, but it apepars that she has "downgraded" the friendship in importance over the past year, yet still expects a nice summer vacation.

Friendship isn't a free pass... it takes work...if she isn't being a consistent friend to you anymore, why shouldn't the dynamics change then? Just be honest though.

Answer 3

If you have always been close, they say "The truth shall set you
free....", meaning....don't go with these feelings, tell your friend
how you feel. Then when she knows how you feel, maybe she
can tell you how she feels. It is the best and greatest way
to continue a friendship. I know because after many many
years of (sort of torment) my friend wrote me her feelings
after "not telling me" her feelings after almost 12 or 14 years.
She just let them spill, (we haven't seen each other all these
years....cause she has avoided all contact with me until
now. She says she just thought I'd like to know how I treated
her the last times I saw her. She goes into, lying, and you know
what? I wasn't lying....I was just keeping my feelings to myself
and wow.......now I know how it made her feel and why
she started "hanging, with other people." The nice thing
now, is that she has written me about all my good qualities,
and that she "knew" it was just something I was going through
and ....well, all kinds of assumptions, too. I am glad you asked
your question, cause I feel like I can answer her today....I had
to absorb her anger, her frustration, but I was soooooooooglad she spoke up. I hope she will forgive me,
cause I had no idea how I was reacting, and you might look
at how you are reacting, I would think about it and then call her
right up and be "simple, but truthful...about your feelings....
It's sort of like a dream....you wanted your relationship to be fun and good....if it turns out, you just feel used after she
answers you, just go ahead and be honest and take someone else....I have a funny feeling that if you are honest.....she
might tell you some things you haven't thought of, or she
will be more honest.....and things will feel alot better. If it
doesn't, sit on those feelings and try to realize that even
if the truth hurts....in the long run it will feel real good. Noone
wants to feel used and maybe that isn't her intention.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

This is difficult but in any situation honesty IS ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY! If you lied and she were to find out that would weaken your relationship even more. Though a summer getaway could possibly help to strengthen the relationship,if you feel you don't want to take her the best thing to do is tell her how you feel and honestly talk about about your feelings towards your declining relationship.

Answer 5

Even if you two aren't as close as you once were, you should still be honest with her and tell her how you feel but in a tactful fashion. Whoever you decide to take with you is your choice and your completely in the right to choose who you want. Just be honest. If she is truly a friend, then she will at least be open to what your saying and respect your choice even if she doesnt think it right.

Answer 6

ive gone through the same situations with friends. lieing is the worst you could do.

simply tell her things have changed and you want to try bringing a new friend

Answer 7

you should have told her you already asked somebody else. but maybe this would be a good time to repair your relationship.

but if you REALLY don't want to bring her you should just tell her the truth. that you've grown apart and don't know if things can be the way they used to be.

Answer 8

Best thing to do is to tell your friend the truth. If she is a real friend, she will understand. If your friend gets mad, then your not that close anymore and it won't matter.

Answer 9

I would be honest and tell her that you just don't feel the kinship you once had, so you are going to invite someone else this year...and hope she can be grown up about it.

Answer 10

Tell her sorry but this year your going with someone else. You'll probably lose her friendship!