i need your advice on this poem i wrote last night?

Question

In need of some real opinions here!?
is it okay bad or good?

their looks and body i despise
anger and jealousy soon arise
a need for perfect i cannot subdue
im alone down here with no one but you
always so critical always so mean
with all these troubles i must come clean
i hate when i breath, it means im still here
im living my life with nothing but fear

Additional Details

10 minutes ago
its about a book i read, not my life

9 minutes ago
im 13 lol. way to weird for me right, but stilll its about a depressed girl in a book

Answer 1

Two Thumbs up Especially if you're so young. Have your Parents show you who to talk to. So you can learn more about it. But I do see real talent. I hope that means, we'll see a Book from you at some time? Good Luck!

Answer 2

Your poem has excellent rhythm and balance, but is in sore need of correct punctuation and capitalization.

Although you are 13 years old, you should know the importance of punctuation and capitalization after the English courses you've taken. Continue in your writing, but concentrate on correct spelling and grammar. Your narrative proves you have a way to go in that department.

Answer 3

the poem is very good and rear because we get a lot of poems on love in so forth not many people can sit down and write a poem based on fear, jealousy, anger, and hate

Answer 4

I think your writing is a delight, write down more of your feelings each night, and then one day you will find the one, to give you peace under the sun,and hopefully a buck or two will find it's way to your pocket too.

Answer 5

WTH replaced into that?! yet i might desire to assert it replaced into stable english.. very stable english.. simply by fact the peoples are beings very remarkable Oh dobi dobi do dalla Oh verrily Ramadan pookrannian pukran LOOL

Answer 6

for some one who came up with a poem
last night and after my reading it
it is awesome. ( good )

Answer 7

Girl.. You are a writer!