Military wife -- husband deployed in Iraq -- "relieving stress" w/ a gf -- can I keep it a secret?

Question

Does he need to know? Is he doing something similar?

Answer 1

I'm sorry but no you shouldn't tell him. You can attempt to keep it a secret but secrets have a way of biting us in the behind later. I don't know how long your husband has been gone but I am amazed that you would cheat on him at all.

Answer 2

Well, it is not a secret now genius. The whole cyberworld knows!!!

Guess it is not a crime, but in my opinion, you should not keep it a secret. He deserves to know, regardless of the fact it was with someone of the same sex. Be honest, and deal with the consequences. He may not care. He might freak out. You should still tell him, because if he hears from anyone else, like your friend, you may not get the same reaction.

As for him doing something similar...probably not. When would he have time? He might be doing a little of the "self gratification" thing, but I think every male on this planet does that, married, deployed, single, whatever. It's a guy thing.

Be honest with him. He deserves the truth.

Answer 3

It doesn't really matter whether or not he is doing something similar. That is just a cheaters way of justifying their actions. What you are doing is wrong. It doesn't matter that it is with a girl. Cheating is cheating. That's like saying that if a lesbian has sex with a man then she isn't cheating on her girlfriend. That's just plain stupid. Get an "electric massager" like any other decent military wife would do. Your husband is out there protecting and serving not only you but the entire country. Show him the respect he deserves and STOP CHEATING.

Answer 4

If you get this far in your reading please, read it all. Forget all this "fighting for his Country crap" I've been there.

Let's start with the cheating, you've come forward and asked for help, that's why your here, right? Now stop. If you need relief that bad, then start using your finger, get a dildo, get a sex toy of some sort.
You've admitted to cheating but, I wouldn't tell him. There's no reason to.

I was in 'Nam for two tours, I left my wife with two kids, she was alone for three years, she worked in a factory.
I was home for about six months when she decided to "come clean" with a tale of sorrow and burden.
There were several men in her life. She packed her bags and left quietly. The next day, I thought about it. I had the kids, they were young. I went an got her back, we talked about it. I told her I wouldn't ask her back but, she could come back on her own.
We started over again, in another part of the State, we've been married for 50 years now, five kids that are doing well. Think about it.
You didn't do anything that bad Honey but, stop and keep it quiet. There's no need to tell. I sure wish my wife would have kept it quiet, there was no reason for me to hear all the sordid details. It helped her though I guess.

Answer 5

Sweetie, do you think if we tell you what we think, it will help you to ease what your feeling right now?? Just follow your heart, don't let no one say other wise. But first let me tell you what's going on back in Iraq, that place is not a place where men can find companionship. The tradition of those people are so much different than ours. The only thing that our troop are doing there is to protect and guard, and when it comes to themselves, they stay inside so no one can be hurt or worst die.
Sorry but been to Iraq a fe times and take my words for it, our troop back there are in close nit. If you want to tell your husband, do so when he gets back home safe and sound. This is not the good time for him to know that you are close to your girlfriend. And for you to think if his doing the same thing, it will be impossible. Just try to be strong and try not to think that your husband is being unfaithful to you......just keep your head up for your sake and his....

Answer 6

I keep my friend's secrets, but not by lying. I just say I can't share that, it's personal and they asked me not to. My own secrets, yeah right. I'm not great at that; I always end up fessing up. And, secondly, there would be no point. He can read me easier than a neon sign! Seriously, he could work for the people on Lie to me! :)

Answer 7

Here is my answer from the military section just in case you missed it.
No it isn't better. Cheating is cheating! If you need to be satisfied. Do it yourself. There is no excuse for what you have done. I think you have found out you would rather be with a female than a male and now you are looking for an excuse for that. You need to be honest with yourself first and foremost. Telling him won't do anything to strengthen your marriage but you do need to go to counseling when he returns. I'm ashamed to have you in the same sex category as I am. Stop what you are doing right now.

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!!!!
There are adult stores all over the place that would help you with your needs.

Answer 8

From one military wife to another....Don't tell him while he's still gone, it will drive him nuts thinking what else you're doing. But you should tell him the day he gets home (for good NOT while on R&R). I was in the same boat last year, and I made out with his sister 2 weeks before he got home. I held that guilt for 2 weeks and it about killed me. I told him the night he got home, and luckily our love and commitment were strong enough to get past it. He was more hurt by his sister than by me. Hope that helps. Good Luck, and I wish the best for your husband. HOORAH!!!

Answer 9

If your not doing anything wrong why keep it a secret? Secrets only come back to haunt you. Just don't make it sound like you are out partying now that he is gone.
Good Luck and BLess u and your husband

Answer 10

You cant keep it a secret forever especially from the your husband's family. As for your husband doing the same thing ask yourself is he that type of person. Also ask if its fair to your g/f to be in a secret relationship with little hope of committment.