I am not sure what to say anymore? He is going out to the bars 6 nights a week until late, says things like" I want to be alone, I want to have things the way they were before i got married and had a kid, I can do what I want to" and so on...None of his old friends are married or have kids. These men are almost 40 by the way if that gives you any idea on how immature THEY are too. No one will marry them to be frank!! He won't take me anywhere cuz he wants to portray being single and not wanting to watch our son. He thinks it is "boring" to take our son to the park and have meals together. He'd rather go out to bars all night and then eat junk at 2am. I can't take it anymore. He has people over here at night when I am trying to sleep for work and get our baby to sleep. What do I say or do about this? How can you get an almost 40 yo man to give up his past stuff and be a hubby/dad????
2007-05-28 11:08:19 · 28 answers · asked by Samantha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well theres really nothing you can do. maybe hes just scared. its probably just a phase. i mean, he wasnt always like this right? just give it some time, if it doesnt go away soon then you need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him, and tell him how you feel. tell him you feel like hes not there for you and your son. its not fair for you to put all the work in. goodluck.
2007-05-28 11:12:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't MAKE him do anything. I would put him out. Tell him that since he wants to be alone and act single he can go be single. Give him a reasonable time limit to get his s*** together and make the right choice about whether he wants to come back and act like an adult. In the mean time stop being a door mat for this immature, selfish man-boy. As for people coming over at all hours of the night, that is your house too and I would get up and tell them to get out before you have them put out. Sorry, but you are going to have to be the bad guy. This is a man that is supposed to honor and love you and he is treating you like an intruder in his life. If he doesn't shape up immediately get rid of him. There are men out there that would be honored to have dinner w/ you & your son or go to the park! You both deserve better!
2007-05-28 11:16:29 · answer #2 · answered by Mikila 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When we are in a relationship it's not fair to the person to think we can change them. It's not fair to us to think we have to put up with this behavior either. So I suggest you seek a good counselor on your own. Ask if he wants to go, if not then you go. I don't want to say that you might be looking at a divorce here, but you do need some guidance to sort this out. From what your saying it sounds like he doesn't want to be married any longer. I wonder though if you take care of him, ie; cooking, laundry etc? He's comfortable having a "mom" though, and not a wife?
Good Luck
2007-05-28 11:18:39 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't know what to say, I'm 23 been married for a year and have a 15 month old. My wife is over seas and I have the little one with me. YEAH I miss some of the things I did when single but I'm very happy to be a dad. As I said before I'm 23 and all I want to do is kick your husbands a**!!! I don't have anything else to say. GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-05-28 11:18:53 · answer #4 · answered by Jay77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hon, if nothing else he's been very honest. He wants to be alone. He can do what he wants. And he's right. YOU can't change his behaviors.
Go to Family Court and file for child support. You do not have to be divorced or separated. You do not need an attorney. Pick up the papers, fill them out, ask for a copy, and attend your court date. Do this tomorrow. Child support is retroactive to the day you file.
Odds are you are not going to win this one barring he has a miraculous ephiphany. Lay the foundation for your independence now.
Stop bringing the subject up to him. Do not disucss his behaviors with him. Do not argue with him. You lose. Know it now. No amount of harrassing and punishing is going to change that, so Don't Waste Your Strength.
Do what you are supposed to do. Ignore his behaviors and research Wic, food stamps, subsidized housing and subsidized daycare. Find your path. I'm sorry, hon. God Bless you and yours.
2007-05-28 14:00:03 · answer #5 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First go to prayer, Jesus can help you. If not for his friends he might be a good guy. No married man should be out in bars.
You may have to pack and go live with somebody for awhile & see if he comes for you and the baby, any decent man would..
He may really have to make this decision himself, if it were me I would probably go to the bar and be in his face only because I can't stand playing games, I have to know right now. Also there may be another woman involved. I'm a good wife but no undesireables come here, our home is to be respected.
2007-05-28 11:16:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was it that you loved so much about this man that you married him and had a child with him?
Is he acting the same way he did when you met him?
If he is then why are you complaining?
If he has changed recently then that is a very probable indicator of another woman.
Recent change means hire a private detective and a lawyer AND go to the doctor and get a full check for STD's.
2007-05-28 11:16:00 · answer #7 · answered by kitchenheatindex 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is not childish, this is self centered and selfish,,,,,what the heck are you hanging in there for????? Drinking six nights a week, coming home at 2am,,,,,buddies more important than your family????? Won't take you anywhere????? What do you need him for if he is not spending time with you or taking an interest in the child????? You WONT change him,,,,if will infact only get worse,,,,,and he abuses you in other ways, I am willing to bet, he does not want to be married, be a father or have a family life,,,Drugs have got to be involved in addition to the alcohol,,,,BAIL,,,,THE SOONER THE BETTER
2007-05-28 17:31:37 · answer #8 · answered by granny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your situation. I would say call in some recruits. Ask your friends or mother or siblings for help taking care of your child and to go out with (with your child). You shouldn't be stuck in the house! Also, maybe you should ask your husband if he'd go for counseling. Something tells me he wouldn't, but maybe you could go. If worst comes to worse, maybe you need a seperation or divorce. No matter what you do, get help from family/friends to take you and your child out and have fun, and consider going to counseling either alone or with your husband. You definitly need someone to talk to. Good luck!
2007-05-28 11:13:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is time for marriage counseling or give him an ultimatum. Do not let him disrespect you and stand up to him now!! If he is wanting to be single and running around with his friends than eventually or if he hasn;t already will be picking up on other women. Allowing your husband this kind of freedom and acting single will only end in divorce. You fight for your marriage now before it is to late if you want to keep him. Best wishes sweetie I hope everything works out for you.
2007-05-28 11:28:54 · answer #10 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋