I feel inferior to my best friend ... physically.. and I'm so confused?

Question

It all started with a situation last November.. when a lot of self-esteem/ confidence issues had been building up, and a guy who I had a mini-crush on that'd danced with me and given me attention ended up thinking my best friend was hot. It killed me and triggered a four month depression of self-hate/ mutilation and confusion. I felt used by that guy for one night and people had always told me that I was prettier than my best friend. However, by four months, I had started coming out of that phase, and I also found out that this guy who I'd thought used me thought I was hot but he and my friend sort of had this thing now. And I didn't care anymore!

But after these few months, I can't be the same. I feel a whole lot better, but everytime someone thinks my best friend is hot or cute, I get filled with this anxiety and get put into that depressed state. I think it's an inferiority complex I developed but I don't understand any of it or how to get out of it. It only happens with her too!

Answer 1

I know what you're talking about...this happened to me! When I was younger, I had a huge issue with my body. Sometimes I still struggle a little bit. I was tallish, but somewhat chunky, and my best friend was short and petite. I felt sooo self-conscious about it. But you know what? I got over it. And it's not because I lost weight. It's because I started to like me. Inside and out, imperfections and all. Even now I'm not as thin or as pretty as I think I would like to be...but I'm happy with the way I look. And you should be too. I mean, those victoria's secret models aren't all they're cracked up to be...they probly work out like, 5 hours a day, and have a carrot stick for lunch. And they're probly all very tempermental and are bad kissers. (This is just a guess....)
But my POINT is...love yourself, and other people will too. You will never ever be happy, untill you start loving yourself...imperfections and all.
Good luck. :)

Answer 2

You are having a problem adjusting to the changing roles you and your friend are experiencing. You have always been told that you are prettier but now you find that pretty is subjective. You are prettier in some aspects and she is prettier in others. The problem you now face is how to adjust to this change. If you do not learn to accept that fact that you are both pretty and they she may be more attractive to some men while you are more attractive to others, the hate will consome you and you will cease to be pretty. Men are simple creatures. They see something they like and they don't care about what the rest of the guys think. Take pride in the beauty you have. Be joyful about the beauty she may have. It is not a contest. If you are both pretty then you should be happy for both of you. There are so many people who cry every night because they think they are not pretty or because someone they know is "prettier". Be grateful that you get to be pretty also. Know that men have very different tastes. If they think she is hot because she is tall or because she has big breasts it does not mean that all men think that way. There are men who think that there is nothing more sexy than a petite woman.

Most importantly, remember to be grateful for the beauty in you. If you let the hate consume you it will make you ugly. Have you told her you have these feelings and that you are sorry for them? If she is your best friend she will help you through it.

Answer 3

I'm glad that you came out of that terrible phase...it must have really hurt. You might want to check out books of self-affirmations, on increasing self-confidence, on improving self-esteem, and any other books in the self-help section that are of interest to you.

I think that you feel betrayed by that particular friend, and by the guy... It's time to move on now, and reading some of the above-type books may help you to do that--and to feel better about yourself.

I would stay away from both of them--at least for a while--until you get back in charge of your own life. You wouldn't want to chance a relapse - besides, summer's here, and you can do a lot of outdoor things with other friends and relatives, and have some fun--it's been a long time since you've been able to have fun--and you need to.

If you ever feel yourself slipping back into that awful state of mind, get to a doctor, clinic or emergency room right away. They can help you--and in times like those four terrible months you spent--you could have used the help.

Be happy :)

Answer 4

Hey girl! couldnt pass by ur question without giving u some advice. First and foremost, u want to know what ur problem is?? You haven't discovered the True Beauty of being a Powerful Sexy Woman..but thats ok, many haven't and for that reason find themselves in constant defeat since they compare themselves to whoever is next to them.It happens to every woman and it also happened to me. We keep wondering why we don't have what it takes to be the "girl that walks in and lights up the room"..well, I have been blessed with having good looks and yes that always helps, but the key to being a sexy confident Happy woman is more than just a mere list of does and dont's , I recommend to u a book I am currently reading, very fun and easy to read, its called "Captivating", written for every woman living, I truly love it! And it touches bases on the very answers u are quenching for. If u do get ur hands on this book, I PROMISE that you will come to the realization that we ARE the very Essence of Beauty and u will learn to celebrate that in ur life everyday, U will no longer worry about that friend right next to u because U will be too busy receiving compliments urself about the new light ur bringing into the room!! And hopefully, of this helps u, then U can help other insecure girls around u find this same secret! =) I hope ur curiousity is profound enough to lead u to this wonderful concept that every woman should discover!! Wishing U lots of Happiness in ur new Discovery!!
From, A Caring Friend

Answer 5

You know, if you're being complimented for your looks by getting the fact that you're prettier than your friend, take it as that and stay with it. You seem to compare yourself with her a lot, and that if one were to find her pretty, you think that they prefer her over you.

I can tell that you want to stop this comparision, and to do that, you just have to learn to love and accept yourself. It's not jealousy, really, maybe just insecurity that you might not be that pretty like your friend. Maybe there's the possibility that you guys are both hot and cute and people have different tastes. Honestly, I don't think it's so bad if you feel "anxious" when someone compliments your friend, because some people feel that way but have the confidence in themselves to say, "Well, maybe that guy just has his own different taste in girls."

Answer 6

You will go through this. I use to be jealous of my best friend and she was jealous of me. The thing is to realize that men is going to like one of you better than the other and some jerks is going to want both of you. It does not matter who is prettier because men define different characteristics as being pretty. Different strokes, different folks.. Jealousy and competitiveness lasted with my best friend and I until this year. We finally have came to an understanding about things. That is being happy for one another no matter what it is.

Answer 7

for some reason. it sounds like you are jealous of your friend. maybe you think her life is better or that she gets everything you want. i don't know but you should. you could try seeimg a thereapist to sort this out or just do some deep soul searching to figure out what it is about her that makes you feel this way. your feeling of being inferior to her could lead to your losing this friendship.i had a friend like this too. i always thought she had the perfect life with the perfect husband and kids. i only saw what she wanted me to see. turns out her husband was a drunk and her kids weren't the great straght a students i perceived them to be. perhaps that's what's going on here.

Answer 8

I think that as long as you tend to look at your own self-worth and/or attractiveness in comparison to another person - in this case, your friend - you are going at it the wrong way. If you have to compare yourself to someone else to feel good, you're always going to have a skewed picture of your value. Until you start aiming for what YOU believe to be good, and appreciating your own worth, you are never going to feel happy with who and what you are, no matter how good it is. Learn to look at yourself honestly, but not harshly, and you will find that you are a valuable individual in your own right.