Did you feel loved and respected as a child??

Question

How have those experiences impacted who you are now?

Answer 1

Loved? Respected? Uh, no...

To make a very long story very short....my father was a violent, abusive sociopath, and my mother was disabled, mildly-brain-damaged and became an alcoholic in part because she was self-medicating to control seizures...

Needless to say, me and all three of my sisters suffered a LOT.

And even now, well, I've been struggling with depression, dissociation and post-traumatic stress issues out the wazoo for the past 15 years or so as an adult. That includes dealing with a local mental health system that has gone from mediocre to negligent lately, the local Crisis Line no longer does its proper job, the local Intake Office is nearly impossible to contact by telephone in a reasonable manner.

Quite simply, I can't seem to get my life together. When I am stable on meds, I can't find appropriate counseling. When I have counseling, I can't stay in the system and stay on medication without having the local Mental Health Center endlessly on to me, trying to pressure me into using *their* so-called counseling services (like six weeks worth of workbooks and rubber-bands around the wrists are going to help against 30+ *years* of pain).

Point is....I have no self esteem. By some objective measures, I should have a *much* better life than what I do. When I am stable on medication *I can in fact work for a living*, but HMOs won't let me, courtesy of refusing to help out with healthcare costs. I've had people test me and tell me I am a borderline genius, ok? From second grade all the way past high school...

I have no self esteem. I have *almost* no friends--just a handful of contacts in Messenger and some fans here in Answers really. I have no real hope for the future because I can't even *plan for* anything...not even getting back on medication like I should, not without *lots* of other people getting in the way and putting up flaming *hoops* for me to jump through like 3-6 month waiting periods, doctors who barely speak English and do it *too quickly* for me to get what they say, or being afraid, terrified really, to even talk to people out in the real about *anything* because a) half the people in my town will just *attack* "the mopes" for no good reason, just for being there, and b) because these days your authority figures, like your police and housing managers, they *won't* talk, refuse to give you a chance to listen to reason, and would just as soon *shoot you* or *taser you* as look at you.

Don't make me look up the links, even in Yahoo News, to back that up. The truth is out there. -_-

Point is....I have no self esteem, because I have no freedom. Freedom is only for those *rich enough* to afford it. People with the ton of cash and tons of friends. The ones who think it's all a "flaw of character" or "laziness" or something. The ones who end up in charge because your HMOs and CEOs, your money people, *like* these bastids.

And they want to make *criminals* out of people like me, by lumping people with *legitimate illnesses* courtesy of their ruined lives, in with the druggies and the felons, instead of actually spending more than a few paltry red cents and *helping folks*.

But yeah. I'm screwed. Sorry to rant on so....

The one thing you need to walk away with from this is....it isn't just *me*. A *lot* of people, hard workers, fathers, mothers, wives, husbands, teachers, soldiers.....*lots* of people end up in my situation, just because their parents hurt them and then forced them to *grow up poor*. And maybe they get themselves a life for a while....but in time the pain *always* gets to be too much. Always.

And our society shouldn't treat people like me, like The Dog That Gets Beat. Society shouldn't *be* about abuse and domination the way some people's *parent's were*, you know?

Thanks for your time....good Question! Sorry my answer doesn't live up to it.

Answer 2

I'm the perfect example of what I'd like to call the "X factor" in why people feel so unloved and worthless in absolute spite of a loving environment. I was very much loved as a child, and insofar as an adult can objectively respect a child, I was respected too. My mother especially never gave up on me and both my parents were always impressed by my writing and artistic skills (as I'm sure is the same with most stable & sober well-meaning parents) Yet, as early as five years old, I would have crying spells and say I was sad for no particular reason. I would constantly question why people did the things they did. I was very ill at age 11 and missed a lot of school--which didn't bother me much because I had no friends. And the reason why I had no friends was interesting-- I approached everyone and everything openly and yet got rejected time and time again. Then the tempest of adolescence came and went. Now I'm in the aftermath of my gritty 20's. Sometimes childhood is simply the beginning steps of one's path.

Answer 3

Wow, I guess I am OK. I am living with my elderly father and every once and a while he gets hammered [drunk] and sappy. I told told him that I don't care to hear it, you know the routine. If it was such a big dam deal why are you trying to make up for what you didn't do 20 years ago? I just tell him to let it go. I don't live in the past, not even a little bit. I was told every lame excuse you can think of as a child. They both had guilt [mom is dead]. I told them that I will do my part by not raising any children into those conditions. No, I never felt loved as a child and as an adult I was good enough to come back and help for the final chapter. Which says a lot about my personality. Somebody has to be here, it might as well be me for the short term.

Answer 4

Loved? Hardly.
Respected? Yeah Right.
Imapacted? Yes.
My childhood wasn't the best in the book. My father died when I was five. My mother would stress easily and take
it out on me by abusing me (both physically and verbally).
Because of her, my self-esteem...well I have none.
Sometimes, you get told the same thing over and over
and you start to believe it - even if it's a lie. I have nervous
break downs every now and then. I also have major
trust issues because I don't want that to happen again.
I get depressed. I have an early stage of schizophrenia.
Amazingly, out of all of that - she's a kindergarten teacher and has gone to College for her CDA. You'd think she would
know better, eh?
But yes, that does impact people. I don't care who you are.
It either impacts you to be stonger or wears you down until finally there’s nothing left.

<3

Answer 5

For the most part, I felt that I did get enough love and respect that has helped me become independent now. However, I distinctly remember an episode from my childhood had a major negative effect on my self-esteem: When I was about 4 or 5, I spent a couple hours making a "book" about things that I liked to do, complete with pictures. It must have been about 6-10 pages long. On one of the pages, I wrote, "I like to drive and visit Aunt Caren." My dad read the book and his only comment was, "You misspelled, 'Karen.'" It made me feel really bad because he didn't even tell me that I did a good job or anything. It made me not put as much effort into things as I could, and a result I didn't do as well on projects, etc., later in life.

Answer 6

It is important to teach a child respect and the best way to do this is to show that towards them. Adults can learn so much from children but the idea that age brings wisdom sometimes obscures the view. A child will never learn autonomy nor self respect if they are always being made to see anothers person view. Children should be encouraged to think freely and their feelings should be validated at all times.

Answer 7

No. I had a mother with mild autism and an alcoholic father, so I was pretty much invisible. This had a terrible impact on me; I struggled with low self esteem and addictions for many years. However, I got into therapy about 10 years ago and have learned to put the past behind me.

Answer 8

Nope. That lack impacted and challenged my entire life. Rejection became a self-fulfilled prophecy. Nothing is more important to a child, or any age person than being loved and respected.

Answer 9

No. My childhood was a good one but my parents' culture was different to mine. Children had to respect their parents and i would never have the right to stand up for myself. That definitely changed the way how i thought and my attitude towards some things and aspects in life. It is hard and i never really liked my childhood. I would travel places and live like a child but my teen life was harder than ever. My parents never understood me. They thought all i had was from TV. They never understood a thing about me or knew me as they thought they knew me. Even if my mom wanted to talk to me, i never really did wanted to talk to her. She told me i should tell her whatever happened to me but i never did because most of the things was against her culture. It impacted me a lot. I don't want to think of the culture where i am from and who i really am. I am not planning to stick around there either. I am just planning to make my own life and make it better for my kids. My parents are Sudanese and i am Dutch living in the UK. Such a huge culture difference!

Answer 10

I'm 14 and the oldest of two, i can honestly tell you that i don't feel loved sometimes, but i know i am. Its more often that i want more than my sister, so i make myself feel like I'm being left out. It definitely impacts high school. I am horribly insecure, and i think its mostly because I'm afraid my parents love my little sister more.

Answer 11

Yes