I love my life. My husband and I are very successful, drive very nice cars, live in a gorgeous condo, have great friends, and I recently found out I am pregnant...my worst nightmare. I had thought about getting my tubes tied b/c I never wanted kids. My husband knew this and seemed to be okay with it. I haven't told my husband yet and I want to have an abortion. I know I must sound like a horrible person but I am just not the mom type. I know everyone says that changes when you see your baby but I KNOW that will not happen for me. I don't want to take time off of work, not go out at night with friends, I do not want my life to be any different as I've worked hard to be as happy as I am. What should I do?
2007-05-28 08:41:27 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I am sorry if I sounded shallow, but truthfully, I'm not. I have worked hard to get where I am, that's all. I did not mean for it to come out that way.
2007-05-28 08:48:35 · update #1
To those who say life will not change much, how will it not? You have to give a baby constant attention. Also, I do have some friends that do have children, but even though they and their husbands come out with us often they have the nannies do practically ALL the parenting. I always wanted to ask them what the point of having a child is if a nanny or daycare is taking care of them 6 days a week and almost all hours of the day. My friends and their husbands are also like my husband and myself, career-driven, and they are away from their children constantly. And yes, I do understand that I may seem selfish, but our baby would not get the attention it deserves, and that is unfair.
2007-05-28 09:22:20 · update #2
if you have an abortion without telling your husband and he finds out you may destroy your marriage. look within your heart. good luck.
2007-05-28 08:46:54 · answer #1 · answered by iwill 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I think you should start having a little think about your future. Okay, so you love your life now, it sounds wonderful but what about in 20 years time - are you going to think "I really wish I had kids to share my life with now...."
Most of your friends are going to have children and I think in the future you are going to miss out on something even more wonderful than your current life. You will lose your friends as they will have a different focus on their lifes as they begin to have children. They will no longer be going out all the time as they will have families and you will have nothing in common anymore.
I know people that didn't want children and did and have made excellent parents. I think you are being hard on yourself by saying you are not the Mom type - you probably are and just do not know it yet.
Just because you have children doesn't mean your life has to change THAT much. You CAN still do things, you can still have nice cars and keep your condo. Personally I can not believe you would consider an abortion just because you do not want the lifestyle change. I am just pregnant myself and had a really really hard time getting here and this post just makes me want to cry that an innocent little life might be wiped out because you do not want the child. It does unfortunately sound shallow.
I think you should have the child - the rewards are great and you will look back on this question and thank God you did not have an abortion.
And if you feel really strongly about not having children, then have the child and adopt him or her out. No need to kill an innocent life huh?
Sorry if this sounds anti-abortion - I am not. Acutally I am pro-choice but abortions should not be allowed for people who just don't want the child because it will interfere with their social calendar.
2007-05-28 16:08:05 · answer #2 · answered by fijibabie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im not trying to criticize you for wanting an abortion. i cant if I wanted to because I've been there before. Having an abortion isnt the bed of roses you may think it will be. Sure, you get out of being a parent, but I think about that EVERYDAY! It's not a fun thing to live with. I understand that you feel like your life will change if you have this baby, and it will. You can still go out with your friends and live a glamorous life! LOL! You just to make sure your child is taken care of as well. Before you make a decision, talk it over with your husband. Then, do research on the pros and cons of having an abortion and see how BOTH of you feel afterwards. If in the end, you still want an abortion....go for it, but I jus dont want you to make a mistake you'll regret forever (like me). Good Luck
2007-05-28 15:56:45 · answer #3 · answered by curious_georgette 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't have an abortion (if that is what you choose) without telling your husband. It will absolutely destroy your marriage. How would I know? It happened to one of my best friends.
She lived a very good life, almost the same situation as yours, and didn't want the baby. She wanted children, but her husband and her had just gotten married and didn't want kids just yet.
She had the abortion, and her husband saw the bill for it on her charge. He was devestated. He is your typical frat boy usual cocky good-looking guy and he cried. He was so upset. I've never seen someone that emotional in...ever.
He couldn't look at her, and he said he never wanted to again. This just happened in the past month, and she has no idea what to do with herself. She feels guilty as hell, and her husband won't speak to her b/c she hurt him so badly.
So, if you are considering this...please include your husband in the decision. Good luck :)
2007-05-28 17:36:48 · answer #4 · answered by blondeambition2384 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, then, have an abortion.
But, given "very successful, drive very nice cars, live in a gorgeous condo," maybe it's time for something to make your life a little less shallow?
Edit: okay, and perhaps that was a little flippant.
Tell your husband, have some long talks, do what needs to be done, and then look into better birth control. I think your question at the moment might be "Do I want to spend the rest of my life going out at night, or do I want to settle down a bit at some point? Will I want a kid then? If yes, how would I feel if for whatever reason, right now were my only shot at having one?"
2007-05-28 15:46:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
It is not right for you to make the choice to get an abortion without speaking to your husband about it first. As much as you may want an abortion, you didn't get pregnant on your own and he has as much right as you do to be a part of the decision making process. You need to sit down with your husband and talk to him about this situation as soon as possible because the more time that passes the less chance that you will be able to get an abortion if that is what you and your husband ultimately decide. I have mixed emotions about this as I have had some of my family members unable to have children and yet here you are healthy and able to conceive but it is ultimately your choice and your body. You didn't mention if you were on birth control or not, but now would be the prime time for you to get your tubes tied or put yourself on birth control after you choose what you want to do. It wouldn't be fair for you to continue to get pregnant and abort every baby. I am prochoice but only for the mothers that know they are having a baby with a terrible terminal illness or for a woman who was raped. Either way please speak to your husband and do what you need to do to keep this from happening again.
2007-05-28 16:04:51 · answer #6 · answered by debbie_75052 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have to take too much time off work. It sounds like you can afford to do it... are you worried that your boss will fire you for taking maternity leave? I promise that it's illegal for him or her to do that. Your job WILL be there.
You said you don't want your life to be any different. Unfortunately, there's no avoiding that. Life doesn't just go "back to normal" after an abortion. All your choices are life-changing choices. The question is, HOW do you want your life to change? Do you want the memory of abortion, or the memory of birth? Is adoption a possibility for you?
Closed adoption sounds like a good choice for you given that you want nothing to do with the child- and that is okay! It's definitely possible to not be part of the child's life without killing the child.
Whatever you do, please don't put off getting your tubes tied, for your own sake and the sake of any future children you'd feel compelled to abort.
Email me any old time! ~Kelsey
2007-05-28 16:05:25 · answer #7 · answered by Kelsey H 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Killing a child because it's inconvenient is extremely selfish, it's not that you don't have the means or support to take care of it, just that you don't want it. I believe if you make that decision it'll haunt you the rest of your life, you obviously aren't as sure about it as you think you are because you certainly wouldn't ask or care about anyone’s opinion if you were.
If your husband found out you had an abortion without his knowledge how would he feel? If you really don't want a baby have you thought about adoption? There are so many wonderful parents out there who hope and pray every day for a baby and god blessed you with one, if you don't want that blessing at least pass it on to someone else. Ultimately it's your decision but think about it, please. Go on a pregnancy board and see how many women desperately want children and it just not happening. Please give your baby a chance at life even if not in yours. If it's not for you to have a child it won't happen but if it is please don't destroy it.
2007-05-28 15:50:35 · answer #8 · answered by tinkchick87 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from. Believe it or not I am in a similar situation. I just started my career and I love my life with just me and my fiance. I don't want to add a child to the mix. My fiance and I discussed our options and we decided to terminate the pregnancy. I just finished school and my life is just starting. I know for a fact that I would not be able to give a child the quality of life that I would want to give. I don't have the financial backing and I don't want to give up my life for a child. I also know myself well enough to know that I would resent a child for causing me to loose a promotion at work or not be able to buy the things I want. So call me a bad person but thankfully we live in a country where you have options. It is your life you are free to feel this way. Be strong and remember "you can't please all the people all the time".
2007-05-29 16:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by lyssa_doo2 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
listen, having a child isn't the end of the world...i have nice things too, but i share them with my daughter...i include her in everything [although she's only 2.5] if there's somewhere i want to go but can't because of her, i stay home or take her outside...there really is no material possession that can fill the void of a child. you wouldn't have posted this if you were sure about getting an abortion. its costly, it hurts, and its devastating because you'll live a life of "what if...?". you need to really think this through...and definitely talk to your husband about it. what's the point of having a bunch of money and nice things if you don't share them with your family [and by family i mean kids]...you actually have a chance to pass on all of the goodness in your life to a special baby...and you don't know if this is your only chance to have a kid. if you have an abortion i guarantee you you'll see other babies or cribs or tiny little clothes around the time you were supposed to be due and feel like crap because that's what you're supposed to have...just think about it...
2007-05-28 16:18:16 · answer #10 · answered by tommygirl6794092 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not wanting children is something many people want but let me tell you. I know people that never had kids cause they didnt want them got older and now cry that nobody cares about them. You can have a baby and still enjoy the good life. You can hire a nanny to watch the baby when you want to go out and still go to work. You dont have to nurse. Just be involved with your child and you will be fine. people that never had kids regret that decision terribly when they get older.
2007-05-28 15:47:09 · answer #11 · answered by cleanfreak 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋