A question for married women with children?

Question

Whom do you put first: your husband or your children? If you put your children first, is it ok for your husband to put your children before you? I think a wife should always put her husband first.

Answer 1

Couples NEED to put each other first. That doesn't mean you let your children starve because you're talking to each other, but children should not feel that the rule the home, and should respect their parents bond as being something very important.

- your children will grow up healthier in that type of environment.

- you are modelling for your children what sort of relationship they should have when they grow up. Are you hoping that they'll co-run a daycare with someone they used to date?

Answer 2

That is a good question and I don't think there is just one answer. Your relationship with your children is important just as your relationship with your husband. You have to find the balance between the two because they both deserve your attention. There will be times when the children come first and only because they are children and they require more attention than an adult and your husband being an adult should understand. There are times when you and your husband need to put your relationship in front of the children. Once the children grow up and move out, it will be just you and your husband. What kind of relationship would be left if you had always put the kids first? There wouldn't be anything. When you take some time away from your children, for you and your husband, you will be a better mother for it and vise-versa. Couples need a break once and awhile and are better parents because of that little break. The kids are happier because they are around happy parents and not parents that are always stressed out. When the kids are younger, it is whenever you can make the time for each other.

Hope this helps

Answer 3

Why do you feel that you are putting either first? There are times when my husband and I know that our personal wishes are on the back burner, maybe for an hour...maybe longer. When we decided to have children, we knew that our individual selfishness had to go out the window and that, at times, it would seem that the kids are what we call "sucking the life out of us." We act as a team when dealing with the children which often means that we "shelve" decisions until he and I can talk together. Sometimes, the kids have to come first-just because they are too young to fend for themselves, but I never take it personally and neither does my husband. Let me tell you, if the kids see you as a team, it really makes everything much easier-they know they cannot manipulate you individually, or pit one against another. Besides, putting the kids first is a temporary situation. There will be a day when they are long gone-and we'll have all the time in the world for our own needs. Drawing a line where you have to choose between your children or your husband is an immature way to view life. There is room for all.

Answer 4

Can be a Tricky question here. It really depends on how the relationship is with your spouse first of all. I put my husband first so our children see that we work together. We both love are kids & want the best for them & this is why it works for us. your children are smarther than we realize sometimes & will test the waters to see what they can & can't do so if you show them good behavior by examples & pratice what you preach then your children will know that mom & dad will always agree together & not differently that makes things some times "wishy washy"

Answer 5

Well, there are several angles to look at here:
1- If your child needs fed/changed/bathed/assisted in some way then that needs to be handled before anything else.
2- If your child is whining for you to play with them (or something like that) and they have had all their needs met AND have had your attention throughout the day, then give your husband some attention.

It's a thin line to walk, you wouldn't have the children without the husband/wife. But, children are needy, that is why they are children.

Answer 6

In my life, I do not put anyone above another. My decisions are based on what benefits us as a collective whole. Putting children above husband...or husband above children leads to resentment, anger, hostility, and the gradual breakdown of the family unit.

We have goals and priorities in life that are attained by careful planning and the ability to overcome challenges together. Each decision...each choice is considered carefully and made to benefit all of us.

Granted, there are times when the children need more of my time and attention than my husband (and vice versa). However, each member of our family knows that they are second to none. It is a balancing act, to be sure. However, keeping everyone on the same level (speaking in terms of priority) can be accomplished and strengthens our family unit.

Answer 7

I put the kid's first hands down and I tell my husband that they come first no matter what. Even though a man helps to create them after it is all said and done I am the one the kid's come to and want to kiss good night. It is something any good mom would do, that is what we signed up for the min. we knew their was a baby inside of us.

Answer 8

My husband always comes first because he is my life partner. Children grow up and leave the nest. That does not mean I love my children any less, I just love them differently. Different types of love.

Answer 9

My children come first. They are a part of ME, my blood. They came from my body.

Its fine that my kids are above me to my husband.

I disagree that a husband should come first. Chilren need teaching and love for years. A man can care for himself, hes grown! I would never EVER put my husband before my children.

Answer 10

This is indeed a conundrum. I can argue it either way.
However it reminds me of the similar dilemma - you are having you and your husband's first child and there are SERIOUS medical complications, and no matter what is done, only one of you can be saved - either the wife or the baby - which does the husband choose?