Is it wrong to choose stepchildren over your own children?

Question

Is it wrong of me to be angry that my ex-husband chose to walk his step-daughter down the isle instead of going to his own daughters college graduation ceremony? His new wife has pulled him away from communicating with his own children and then gets mad if they call him. I've been holding my anger in for quite some time. Mind you, my children are now 20 and 22. They aren't babies anymore.

Answer 1

Yes, it is wrong for him to have taken his step children over his own children. We lose sight of what is right and wrong sometimes and he has done this. We can't blame the wife because he is a grown man can very capable of making his own decisions, but sometimes we do this to keep peace within the circle we have now. It's wrong and shouldn't be done and he is not a man to allow this to happen. He helped make these two children and he should have been there for his daughter's graduation. But Mom this is a fight his daughters will have to take up, not you. It will only make it worse if you even try. He will become frustrated by his lack of being there and turn it all around to blame you.

Answer 2

First of all,not to be rude, this is not your problem or choice. It rests entirely on his shoulders as do the consequences of his actions. It's too bad that the wedding was scheduled on the same day as graduation. Hopefully that was not a purposeful deed on behalf of the new spouse and family. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Life would be hell if he chose graduation over giving the bride away. You could record the graduation for him to see later. College graduations are a bit impersonal. As far as communication with your children his wife should step back and not interfere. If she won't then he made need a spine transplant and a reality check before he looses something precious that he can never regain. If he chooses to allow himself to be lead by the nose by a controlling, apparently spiteful wife he has more problems than this. Again, not your problem. Anger is self absorbing and can consume you like a cancer. If that happens you lose no matter who's right or wrong.

Answer 3

First and foremost, I have to agree with a few of these other people on here. Once you marry a person with children, those children are now an extended part of you...regardless of blood or not. You should never choose one over the other. It's not about that. I definitely think you, as the mother and ex-wife, are making a big deal of it more then anyone else. It's not your place to be mad over the situation and you are placing blame on this other woman who may not have had anything to do with the decision your ex-husband made. I am an ex-wife myself and we have a daughter. My ex is now with another woman who has a child from a previous relationship, as I am with another man who has a child from another as well. We all have to come to an understanding with important events and know that it's always about the kids. It's not about you anymore, especially now that the children are not "children" any longer. They are grown and are capable of showing their emotions towards the other party involved without your opinions.

Answer 4

I think it's wrong to use the word CHOOSE in the same sentence with Children. It's just not right. Your father's children had a very hard decision to make and I don't think you know it. I have a step-father and if I was graduating and my step-brother was getting married, I don't know how I could expect him to choose. There were no winners in this game. And even though you don't like his wife and stuff, grow up more than that. Look at what was at stake here! Your kids have their father. This girl couldn't get her own father to walk so if he had went to the graduation she would have walked alone. You're a woman so please place yourself in that situation. I'm looking at as this, one day I am going to get married and I am not sure if my father will be able to walk my down the aisle. I hope I am not forced to walk alone!
To compare a woman getting married and a guy graduating is like comparing 9/11 to the Oklahoma bombing. They were both drastic, but 9/11 affected America more. Please think about this~

Answer 5

I am sorry, but I would believe that my husband should have been at our daughter's graduation. Half of today's marriages end up in divorce........I hope that his step-daughter doesn't but with today's odds it's true. One day she could get remarried but his daughter will only graduate one time. The present wife has pulled him away from the family because he has allowed her to do that. His own children will be hurt and one day the way he chooses to be they will probably end up staying away from him. I am so sorry that your child did not have her father present at her graduation I am sure that she would have liked to share her accomplishments with her Dad......well, he missed out and so did your daughter that is sad! I am sure someone else could have walked his step-daughter down the isle even her own mother could have done it. Won't he be hurt and offened when his own daughter gets married and she chooses to have someone other than him to give her away!!!! Congradulations on your daughter I am sure she makes you very proud sweetie.

Answer 6

Yes it is wrong to choose one child over another. All children should be treated equally. Your daughter must be really hurt? I feel really sorry for your daughter. Maybe if she wrote her dad a letter and told him how she feels, it might just sink in. But if his wife rules the roost then he probably dosen't have a say. That's pretty bad that he lets his wife run his life like that, especially when there are children involved. Dosen't sound like he's much of a man let alone a Father.

Answer 7

Hey Sherry - don't blame his wife, HE is the one making the choices when it comes to the kids & his family...put the blame where it belongs.

I have to say though, I'm wondering, with your obvious hatred of his wife, if there wasn't so much animosity and hell that went on with your divorce and after that part of the reason he has pulled away from his first family is due to giving up. When your children were younger were there custody and visitation struggles? I'll hazard a bet that he thinks his biological kids don't love or want him in their life...so he made the choice of walking his step daughter down the isle..

This is the after affect of divorce...it's sad...but this is what happens when people who divorce care more about themselves than they do about what it is doing to the kids.

Answer 8

He chose to make the right choice.... A wedding is more important than a graduation.... Sorry . Im sure he loves his own child more but he made the right choice in this scenario. Having step kids is not easy but you will learn to love them too.,sometimes almost if not more than your own.{especially if you raise them} He is 1 man and cannot be 2 places at once....Its sad you and the new wife cannot talk about this but obviously you have issues w/ the new wife.... U loved him once and for this u should discuss all issues concerning the kids if the issues r kept on the kids.......It always helps to discuss issues w/ the real mother too but they have to be able to talk...

Answer 9

It is wrong for him to neglect his own children but these things do happen. It is disappointing for him not to be at his daughter's graduation but like you said, they are not babies anymore and are old enough to understand that there can be problems with relationships like those. I would suggest talking to your ex when you are calmer, just to remind him that even though they are grown up his children still need him and love him. You will also need to explain to your children to avoid bitterness and resentment that is likely to seep in. Maybe it would also be a good idea to stop making comparisons with the other family, things are bound to be different.

Answer 10

in case you talk on your son and tutor him whats precise and incorrect there should not be a undertaking. What the stepson has written on his fb internet site approximately intercourse must be all talk attempting to tutor off and sound older than he's. What i'm inquisitive approximately is why you have been even finding on the stepsons fb internet site. Being a mom i do no longer see the way you cant see that the stepson is a baby with some issues and actually desires somebody to pay some interest to him so he wont sense the would desire to be attaining out for interest the way he's. considering your son is going to be around this boy whilst he's together with his dad i think of it could be plenty greater smart to objective and make acquaintances with this boy and have him over to spend the night as quickly as in awhile with your son so which you will according to hazard confer with him and with any luck locate out why he does or says the flaws that he does. i comprehend it is not your job to college the boy yet once you could help him it particularly is going to help to dodge him influencing your son in a undesirable way.