As long as i'm not rail thin, i feel unworthy of having a loving relationship. I don't know how to change?

Question

I'm not fat, but i'm definitely not thin. I'm 28 years old, 158 lbs and 5ft11 tall. As long as i have this weight it's like i don't feel good enough to have a loving relationship so i'm not even bothering, i don't date and i don't go out much. I don't know how to accept myself the way i am.

I don't have problems with my height, on the contrary, i'm very happy with my height. It's my weight i have a problem with.

Answer 1

Be very careful! You are OK!!

If I sound alarmed, is because I have been there. I wanted less weight, and less...people began to ask me: "Are you ok?"...and I felt great, until I saw some pictures. I looked as if coming out of a concentration camp. But according to me, this way I was attractive.
Nope, it didn't change ME, just the weight changed. I have had always problems with this because of my profession, but NO, weight NEVER defines us as attractive or not. It is the way you feel with yourself, the way you LOVE yourself.

Please take out these ideas from your head.

You will accept yourself, when you realize that is wonderful to be lucky to look at the sky, when you know that you have the right as anyone else to be part of this earth.

Have you stopped to think, how amazing you are? Concentrate in the positive. There is no one person that is perfect in this planet...so concentrate in the positive and makie a list of those qualities...I am sure it will be a long list!

:-)

Answer 2

Something tells me that you have issues liking yourself, they're just more pronounced if you weigh a little more. If you had a critical parent, everything that's "not perfect" becomes the focus. You said it yourself, "I don't feel good enough to have a loving relationship."

Personally, I had abusers as a child and as an adult. Something got messed up in me and I've never thought I deserved anything, unless I was "perfect". The weight, the body image, the job, the vehicle, the bank account, the living quarters...frankly, I will be never be "good enough", in my head.

Once upon a time, I met the "perfect" guy. He was everything I wanted and he really liked me. I ran him off because I didn't think I was "good enough". (biggest regret of my life)

MOST people are unattractive when naked. MOST people don't live in the best of circumstances. MOST people carry some baggage, weight, etc. In retrospect, the most wonderful man I've ever met in my life, thought I was good enough, but I didn't. As you live your life, make a list of all the good qualities about you.

Are you kind, considerate, thoughtful? What makes you special, as a woman? What are your talents? Make some lists. Hang them above your desk, on your bedroom wall, on the fridge...examine the wonderful qualities and talents you have.

While you brush your teeth, everytime you look in the mirror, say "I am good enough and I deserve..." I know it sounds silly but it's better than looking in the mirror and thinking, "God, I'm fat!" Especially, when you're not!

Change the way you think. Then go out and sing, dance, hike, fly a kite; whatever makes you happy.
Enjoy life and the right guy will find you.

Answer 3

With society being the way it is these days, it's not surprising. There are so many women out there who have the same problem as you. We've been programmed to think that if we're not the pinnacle of societal beauty, we won't be loved like other women are. It brings us to dark places within ourselves and it's like a hole that's too hard to climb out of.

But, you can get past it. If you honestly think that the problem is your image and how you perceive yourself, then change something about yourself. If you want to lose weight, then try to lose weight so you feel better about yourself--not so you can attract some guy. Eat better, exercise a little more often, and you will undoubtedly feel better about yourself in general. Healthy meals and high energy levels put us in better moods.

Look at all of the people around you. Surely there are people who don't fit society's beauty standard who have found love at times. The trick is to stop thinking that you need to satisfy anyone other than yourself.

Buy yourself new clothes, get a haircut, read a few books that you've been putting off, take a trip to Europe, find a different job, chance majors in college, or just take one day a week to volunteer somewhere. Improve how you view yourself, and with the reasons for renewed self-confidence, you will slowly be able to get yourself out of the dark hole.

Answer 4

Based on the CDC formula, your BMI is 22.0. Here's what it means:
Below 18.5 = Underweight
18.5-24.9 = Normal
25.0-29.9 = Overweight
30.0 + = Obese

Your BMI is only one measure of your possible health risks. Talk to your doctor about other factors such as body fat, waist circumference, physical activity and diet. Calculate how many calories you need a day!

Look your body mass index is super normal!!! It's science telling you that you are healthy! SCIENCE! You are so lucky to be in a normal range most of this country is overweight or obese! Everyone in the word deserves love and is good enough for love because the person who is ment to love you will do just that- at any size!
PS. you are super lucky to be so tall, i'm only 5'3", but hey i like being me!

Answer 5

Realize this: You feel this way because of the arbitrary standard of beauty imposed on you by the media and the fashion industry. That sounds like a healthy weight. There are very few guys who are turned on by rail-thin women. Curves are power.

Answer 6

I think you have the wrong attitude. What's wrong with being 5' 11" tall? What is wrong with being 158 lbs.? Think positively. Accentuate the positive. Don't dwell on narcissism.

Do you think it might help if you started to use affirmations about the good?

There was a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania [Martin E. P. Seligman] who did a lot of research about what social psychologists call "attributional styles" . I think you have the ability to think in a positive manner and learn to be optimistic. You need to begin with a presumption of personal worth and goodness. You seem to be denying that personal worth right now, and that needs to change.

Failure devastates us. All of us, upon experiencing failure, quit -- at least temporarily. Optimists bounce back and began trying almost immediately; defeat is temporary and achievement is assured. Pessimists, on the other hand, are defined by their failures. They are a failure, and there is no point in a failure continuing to try.

Briefly, the trick is to learn to identify adverse situations or events that your routinely face. Learn to hear (and record) the beliefs about those events that come to your mind (the “recordings” you play in your head). Feel the consequences of those beliefs (and write them down), in terms of emotions, energy, will to act, etc. Once you have gotten familiar with these components, dispute those beliefs and distract yourself. Disputation can involve challenging the usefulness of the belief, generating alternative specific, external, and temporary explanations, focusing on evidence that contradicts or undermines the negative belief and supports a more positive interpretation, and challenging negative implications on which harmful beliefs rely.

In addtions to disputation, distraction can be employed to stop the “loop” of these tapes in your head. One suggestion is to wear a rubber band and snap it on your wrist while saying “Stop” in a loud voice. Then write the worrisome beliefs, fears, etc. down to think about at a set future time. This leaves one free to act.

Finally, notice what happens to your energy and will to act when you dispute the negative beliefs. Over time, the disputation becomes rapid and effective as the energization from it rewards you for the effort. Eventually, the positive explanatory style becomes your “default” response.

It may be worthwhile to listen to the YouTube presentation linked below.

Answer 7

You have to learn to accept that this is how you are. Even if you lost 50 pounds and were a skeleton, you would probably still see yourself as unattractive. Read books on self-esteem or self image. Looking great isn't what will make a man fall in love and willing to spend the rest of his life with you (unless he's shallow, which then he isn't worth it anyway.)

Answer 8

No matter what you weigh, everyone deserves to feel loved. The reason you are so scared is because you feel like you will be rejected, and you don't want to go through that kind of pain, But if you don't feel love, you can't truly give love. You will never know true sorrow, if you don't ever find real happiness.

Answer 9

At the age of 28 you should be over this.
You are what you are, and sure that you are quite attractive.
Your height and weight combination sounds quite appealing to me as well as I'm sure thousands of other guys out there.

So take what you have and run with it!

Answer 10

Hey, there are still men out there who wld prefer ur built. Ur already blessed to be tall. Although men may be physical, we treasure a wonderful relationship that has the warmness, care & most especially the understanding u to put up w/ us =) Ha!x3