Marriage Trap!?

Question

I have been married for 3 yrs and have a 2 yr old son with my husband. For a little while now, my husband has been a total jerk to me, and he just gets worse as time goes by. I have talked to him about it, but he gets mad when I mention it and starts another arguement. He tells me when I can smoke, where I need to smoke, calls me lazy & told my son that he doesn't expect him to do anything since his mother doesn't... He gets mad everytime I say I like something at the store or in comercials, saying I spend all of his money(Talking isn't spending). Whenever I try to leave he grabs my son and says he'll never let me have him if I go. I feel trapped because if I leave I have to live with my mom 3 hrs away because I haven't worked in 4 years, and didn't have many jobs when I did work. So, I'd never get custody, and his family is wreckless, riding him around without a carseat, leaving him outside alone-no fence, and leaving sewing needles and scissors laying out in his play area...

Answer 1

I'd say leave because you and your son are headed for trouble.

If at some point he was willing to seek counselling, then you both should go, but not until you've gotten to the root of and resolved some issues should you go back.

Answer 2

Child custody is not determined by who has the best job, or even by whether you have a job or not. Many people on public assistance have custody of their children. Physical custody is determined by who provides the most stable and safe environment for a child. Another little aside....a woman almost has to be a raging crack whore incarerated for child sexual abuse and murder to lose custody of her child. Okay, so that is hyperbole, but you get the idea. If you are a safe and caring mother, you are not likely to have your child awarded to your husband. Living with your mother would be a plus in providing a secure home for your child. Most likely, the last thing your husband wants is full custody of a two year old, anyway....he is using that threat to shut you up. If you decide to leave him, more power to you. You will find a job, regardless of your sketchy job history. Or take the opportunity while you live with your mother to get some job training. There are programs available to you through the Dept. of Human Resources and through many women's organization....some that will give you grants for tuition, and even for living expenses while you go to school. These are not hand outs or free rides; most are funds made available through endowments from wealthy corporations and/or individuals. Like I said, start with the Dept. of Human Resources and/or surf the web for women's empowerment organizations. Put a little distance between yourself and Mr. Nasty and you might even see an attitude adjustment. Whatever you decide, remember....you and your child are just as valuable and entitled to respect as anyone, so demand it. If you don't demand it for yourself, then do so for your child because you are his voice right now.

PS. Leaving a child unattended and riding without a carseat are criminal offenses....and, oh yeah....Honey, just leave when he is gone and save the drama.

Answer 3

You can get custody! If you live with your mom, that is still having a roof over your head and a support system! Even if you have limited job experience, you can get a job (any job) and you can take night classes to better your education.

You are in a verbally abusive relationship, you need to get out. If you leave, do not let him see your son until there is a court order because it sounds like he would be high risk of not returning the child. With out a court order, you can't make him return the child. You can get help, there are many resources available for women in your situation. I'm sure your mom will help you.

Answer 4

In my opinion, just because you don't have an extensive resume does not make you a bad mother. If you have a home for him (with your mom) and are willing to work hard and make sacrifices, you have just as good a chance of gaining custody as the father does. It sounds to me like he is emotionally abusive to you and would probably be to your son also. I would document all that he says and does that is inappropriate so that when you do have to go before the judge, you will have your own ammo against him. He knows he's got you scared and just where he wants you. But the father does not always get custody just because he threatens it. Be Strong and Good Luck.

Answer 5

first off your a woman and the law is already on your side unless he can prove you unfit, are you? it may take some time and I'm sure plenty of money but you could win in court. 2ND. you need to plan ahead, go ahead find a job, find a place to live, get a lawyer and temp. paper work done. 3rd...leave when he's not at home. be care full because splitting up is hard and the kids all ways get the short end of the deal. good luck.

Answer 6

I think you should just leave when he is at work! you can tell he is very controlling you need to get out now! the longer you stay the worse it will be on your son. and if you keep your son in that kind of environment he will think it is ak to treak women the same way your husband treats you and that is the last thing you want! When you go to court over custody just fight and make sure to tell you lawyer everything and you will probably receive full custody and try your hardest to make sure he gets supervised visitation. best of luck to you !

Answer 7

Get a lawyer ... This is abuse sweetie... serious bad abuse. Job or no job, your mom can't seriously expect you to stay in this marriage.
Talk to your mom RUN - take your son and first of all go to a women's shelter and they will get you started on a job hunt and help you find a lawyer. Your public library can help you find a shelter if you don't know where or how to find one.
And I do mean run... He's controlling you and purposely has kept you apart from friends and family.

Take whatever you can carry and get out.... NOW!

Good luck

Answer 8

You probably feel trapped because you don't work. Maybe the solution is to start out by getting a part-time job. Maybe someone in your family can watch the child. This way when you have your job and things still aren't to your liking at home, you'll be set up to move out and get your own place. Then you can get a divorce and file for child support. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

Just because you don't have a job doesn't mean you wont get custody of your child. If you are living with your Mom and providing for him and you are clearly the better parent you can still get custody. Start looking for a job now and get out of that relationship before anything really bad happens.

Answer 10

Oprah had a show on how to leave abuse husbands just last week. She had a check list of things to do. Maybe it is on her website. Also, the show said there is a lot more support out there for women and children then there has been in the past. There is a hotline to call, I forget the number, maybe call 411. Good luck to you.