Say you're dating your b/f for 1&1/2 yrs and have had your fair share of ups and down, ya'll really click, ya'll even talk about marriage and kids. Ya'll have a wonderful 3 weeks, and then one night he decides to go out with his buddies... you tried contacting him on the phone many times, finally you decide to go over to the buddies' house at 4am, and you catch him in the backseat of his car with your friend! How does one get over this and forgive him and when he does not remember what happened and how much he drank and understands that that is no excuse to give me. But is feeling incredibly horrible and guilty and is begging to give him one last chance, promises to stop drinking cold turkey forever and knows that he has just ruined the best thing that has happened in his life over this. Should i give him another chance?
2007-05-28 07:25:53 · 18 answers · asked by Abbey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is a tough one. This sort of question isn't easly answered.
I personally would say no, I'd leave and not want anything to do with him since I belive also that once a cheater always a cheater.
Having said that. I've seen people make mistakes and the girl forgives him and they end up having a great realtionship so it is possilbe to forigve.
But..it will play on your mind, you will always think about whether he's cheating now, and the trust issue will become a problem i promise that.
It may be best for a while to step back and see if this is what you want. take a bit of a break with no contact adn think about things and re-evalute it.
Let him prove to you that he really is sorry and wants to be wtih you. Cheating is a big deal and it hurts so he should be a little more sensitive and careful.
hope that helps and i hope it all works out for you.
take care
2007-05-28 08:57:35 · answer #1 · answered by *Sbaby* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Caution!! You are making many assumptions....e.g. he feels incredibly guilty, knows that he has just ruined the best thing that has happpened in his life, etc. I doubt it girllfriend. It may be hard to accept, but he is as responsible for his own actions as any other man. He's smart to give you the excuse that he doesn't remember, that he was drinking too much, etc. He was consciously choosing to go to that party without you, to ignore your calls, and to hook up with your friend. He doesn't need to offer excuses...you're doing a good job at that for him. If it were me, there would be no opportunity for a second incident as I'd walk away because of this incident. If you have trouble doing that, just think about seeing him in the backseat of a car with another female. Even if you gave him a second chance, are you really going to trust this man?!
2007-05-28 14:33:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving someone and giving them another chance are two different things. It's your choice but weather you decide to give him another chance or not you should forgive him because if you don't it'll be eating at you and you don't want that. I believe in second chances. If this guy is sincer and is ready to stop drinking and stop cheating on you and he meants it then I say give him another chance but if you feel that he doesn't mean it then you shouldn't. Only you know what you feel and if he really means it or not. Just remeber that you can still forgive him and not give him another chance. It's your choice so take sometime and think about it don't make any rash decision. Make sure he means it.
2007-05-28 14:30:40 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I know you are a young woman---but its time to start to think like a Woman. Your boyfriend is a CHEATER, and he even cheated with YOUR FRIEND--which is the Ultimate Betrayl. If you take him back, HE WILL CHEAT AGAIN!! That is a 100%, certified Guarantee.
He is givng you excuses--saying it was the alcohol, and blah, blah, blah. Thats an excuse! Of course he is begging you--because all men who are about to be dumped beg, beg, and beg some more. Being dumped is every man's nightmare, so they beg and plead so they wont have to be dumped. Girl, if you take him back, he will cheat agian--and also know that now, you might be given an STD like herpes, genital warts, or cervical cancer--because condoms Do Not Protect you from them because its caught from skin-to-skin contact. Your boyfriend could be infected with something now--that is a reality. You are now putting your body and life at risk. I've seen so many young women get cervical cancer, herpes, and other diseases from being with cheaters.
Love Yourself, and Protect Yourself. Get out of this relationship.
Call the National STD & HIV hotline to speak with a coincelor at 1-800-342-AIDS..and look at the photos below to see what CAN happen to you. Good Luck
2007-05-28 14:52:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may sound cold, but I am talking from experience. If you love him, and want to ensure that he NEVER does it again, then do not be too quick to forgive him. Let him sweat a little first. Let him grovel. Give him something to think about the next time he is tempted to cheat again. Give it another week, then "decide" to forgive him.
By the way, you need to drop that ho of a friend like a hot potato. There should be absolutely no forgiveness for her!
2007-05-28 14:40:06 · answer #5 · answered by LovablyMe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People don't change. His promise to stop drinking is a ploy to get you back where he wants you. That way he has you and can work on being more careful in his affairs behind your back. If he is under 25, definitely leave him (he's not mature enough to make real committments) ... over 25, find out if what happened was a one night deal or an actual affair... let him drink and whatever, but if it was only a one night stand... maybe it can be forgiven.
2007-05-28 14:34:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it is your decision but I really don't think you should cause if you wouldn't have drove over there do you think he would have told you probably not some people just do things like that cry about it and then just think in their head what they don't know doesn't hurt them soooo I really think it would be a bad idea I know you probably love him but you need someone who wouldn't ever do that to you, you will find someone else that you will click trust me there millions of good guys out there looking for a good girl. Do you really want to marry him now?
2007-05-28 14:39:26 · answer #7 · answered by cc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally ... No ... once he (or she) cheats the trust is gone and you'll drive yourself nuts wondering where he is when you can't reach him and / or if your friend is around him.
I think maybe take some time apart ... don't throw away 1 1/2 years but make sure this is something you can live with and really think about how you would feel if he does it again and / or if he makes changes and doesn't.
Good luck!!
2007-05-28 14:31:05 · answer #8 · answered by emnari 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Accept who he is. He is a player, now repeat this after me, I accept the fact of knowing who the guy I'm dating is! He is a player and will have a problem with his tendency to have a crush and go overboard feeding his male ego. There live like my aunt who had three kids with a nice guy who is living with one of their tennets. A nice woman who never paid her rent cause she was doing her boy friend, my aunts husband. By this time my aunt was just glad he found someone he could finally be stable with for her kids sake. He'd had so many girlfriends. My aunt was married to him 17 yrs in denial.
2007-05-28 14:33:29 · answer #9 · answered by kim 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The issue is trust. Trust is the foundation of any relationship.
Without trust the relationship is unstable. How or why anyone
would chose to trust a person who is untrustworthy is beyond
me. I would end it, plain and simple. I have friends that this
has happened to, and they stayed w/the guy....only to have it
happen again. I think if a guy truly loves you and it's the real
deal, they will be faithful. Good luck.
2007-05-28 14:31:21 · answer #10 · answered by S T 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋