Ok well my bf and I have been together for 9 months. We also live together. A month ago, while giving me a promise ring, he also insinuated that he wanted it to be an engagement ring but I told him that it was much too soon. A couple days ago we were talking, and he said that he really wanted to propose to me for our year anniversary. He said if I were to say no that it would probably be the end of our relationship. What should I do?? I mean, I love him, but I really don't want to be engaged that early. I feel that we should be together for at least over a year, just so we actually know each other. Am I being insensitive or is he being pushy?? Thank you so much for your help!
2007-05-28 07:19:03 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok for those who think i'm a tramp and that I really don't love him... lemme let you in on some details. I moved 2 hours away from my family and transferred colleges to be with him. I have never lived with anyone else nor been in a serious relationship before. That is the reason I am hesitant is because I have never been this in love before and very scared to make such a large large commitment.
2007-05-28 07:41:46 · update #1
One year is not a long time. If it was 5 years and you haven't made up your mind, that would be another story. You still have a lot to learn about a person. Don't let him push you into anything. Maybe you are learning that he has this type of quality. How do you handle it? If it were me, I'd tell him I'm not going to be engaged to you in a year, so leave now. But that's just. If he loves you he will wait, if he doesn't he won't. Just my opinion.
2007-05-28 07:35:36 · answer #1 · answered by Diver 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's being way too pushy. 9 months is not a long time at all! You should at least get to know each other for 2+ years before marriage! 9 months is WAYYY too fast. My parents knew each other for 2 years before they got married, and my mom actually regrets it because she thought she knew him well enough, but now he wants a divorce...would you really want to put your kids (if any) through that? Just do what you think is best--this may be the man you spend the rest of your life with.
2007-05-28 14:23:31 · answer #2 · answered by Hmm... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that your bf is pushing for such a binding commitment so early in the relationship is a sign of abusive treatment. In fact, he has already convinced you to move in with him after less than a year.
That said, do not accept a marriage proposal until your bf consents to couples counseling and anger management courses.
2007-05-28 14:24:26 · answer #3 · answered by e_d_ellis2004 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With your livinf together it makes it so much harder because you get so much closer to him and if you have been together that long and you love him why not be with him? Do YOU see your self with someone else or Do YOU want to be with him forEVER? Its a big desition and neither of you is being pushy nor insensitive Its just hard to make theat desition i meen it is a life time thing so think about it Do you want to be with him forever and nobody else and if you do than why not think optimistically (think of all your possible conclusions dont just choose the negative nor the posotive ones). I hope i have helped out. ~ashley~!
2007-05-28 14:32:06 · answer #4 · answered by happy_go_lucky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being kind of a tramp. Most respectable women don't just go live with a guy for a year or so to decide if they might want to marry him. It sort of makes me wonder how many guys you have lived with for two or three months and then moved on. You ought to be glad he is suggesting marriage instead of figuring that you are just a bed hopper and will be moving on one of these days.
It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of that you are ready to go shack up for however long but you don't want to be engaged until you have been shacked up for at least a year.
2007-05-28 14:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Anyone who truly loves you, and is IN LOVE with you, and claims to want to spend forever with you, will respect you and understand that you aren't ready for that kind of commitment yet. I believe that if he says the relationship is over unless you agree to marry him, then he has many red flags that you need to consider before even going further in the relationship altogether.
Example: If you were to say yes just because he says he will leave you, then you allowed him to manipulate you into doing what he wanted... and if it happens now over the decision of even getting married, what happens if you actually do get married and he doesn't get his way? Manipulation can turn into more volatile forms of abuse. Everytime you give in to his manipulation, it is like giving him the ok to abuse you.
I believe this problem goes much deeper than just you saying no. He has problems that need to be solved before you should go any further in this.
2007-05-28 14:27:11 · answer #6 · answered by Apryle C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move out. You're shacking up with some guy you've been with only a few months, have no intention of marrying him in the near future, yet you're pretending to be a wife by playing house (sharing his bed, shacking up, etc.) You're not insensitive and he's not pushy- your relationship is like an EZ-Bake Oven -- pretend it's real, but everyone knows it's play.
2007-05-28 14:23:36 · answer #7 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been married for 53 year's and my husband always Tell's me he knew he wanted to marry me from the day we met, some people are like that they just know, you sound so unsure of all this may be you should step back and give your self a change to find out if he is the one, that's only fair for both of you. by the way we got married 6years later when I was 18 so I had a lot of growing up to do and maybe you do to.
2007-05-28 14:31:43 · answer #8 · answered by sandyjean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this man really loves you he would be willing to wait until you are ready. But if you feel like you have to Say yes then you will have all the time whilst you are engaged to get to know each other more. Just don't rush into things.
p.s. How can this man go from one minute wanting to marry you to wanting to split if you say no?
2007-05-28 14:23:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a good reason why you donot want to be engaged to this man, which you have not mentioned here!!
You are saying that you love him but the fact is that you donot.
Please donot hurt yourself and him by staying in this relationhsip. He has made it very clear to you but you donot believe that he is the one for you. There is no time frame to get engaged or marriage.
If you go into this marriage half hearted, you are destined to be divorced and if you have no clue what divorce is like, especially with kids in it....ask anyone who already has.
Please grow up.
2007-05-28 14:25:56 · answer #10 · answered by feysunny 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋