Should I call off the the wedding?

Question

Yeah, I know there are dozens of the same question out there. Just let me give you an example of why I'm considering it myself...last night was another blow up. He asked for help in carrying food outside for the grill. I came up with the idea to put everything stacked in one container so he could carry it all himself. This royally pissed him off because he wanted the corn on the cob on a separate plate and not in the pan I gave him. I mean he got really pissed. Apparently, I never listen to him. This is soooo stupid, I know. What difference does it make? Why was it sooo important to have the corn on a plate instead of in a pan???? But all I keep thinking is...this is going to be my life. Fighting over corn. He has been to therapy already...no not over corn, over "anger management". Thought we were past this stuff but apparently not. We are a little over two months away from the wedding, all the plans, travel arrangements are made etc. Help!

Answer 1

Yeah, call it off. Not only is your boyfriend a f------ hothead but you are too inconsiderate to be a good wife. I mean seriously, was helping your boyfriend move food into the house really that much of an imposition. The fact that neither one of you handled this situation well speaks volumes.

Answer 2

This isn't about corn, it's about control. It sounds like he wants things exactly his way. The fact that you say it was "another blow up" tells me that you are having these types of arguments frequently. You know he has anger issues from his past. I think it takes a LONG time for some people to work these things out. It sounds like he hasn't fixed it if he's yelling about corn. I have a father who sounds like this guy. Very controlling. I have no idea how my mother has put up with it for years. It gets worse with time. I would be single forever of my only other option was a man like that. Marriage is a partnership. I have a feeling that if the corn was presented to him the way he wanted, he would have found fault in something else. It sounds like you have many questions to ask yourself. Don't be afraid to call off the wedding if you have doubts. Don't worry about all the plans. It will be much easier cancel plans than get a divorce a couple years down the road. Good luck

Answer 3

I was a victim of abuse. I am not anymore. I feel happy in my life now that the ones who abused me are gone. One of the abusers was my own daughter who I love with all my heart and soul. I tried with all my heart to make it stop. Finally she just had to go. It was too much to bear. She moved away and now I am at peace. I also dated someone who was a verbally abusive man. The abuse never stopped. He would be okay for awhile, but as soon as I wanted to do something I wanted to do, he got angry. In the 2 years we dated, this never changed.

These people carry heavy negative emotions. Unless there is a way to get them help, you should turn the other way. Personally, to live a life in peace is worth all the money in the world. Take the loss on the wedding and run. There are better people in this world. If you believe you can do better, you will. Make the change now while you can and don't worry about what other people expect you to do. It's your life, do the right thing! You will be much happier in the long run.

A good movie to watch is "Sleeping with the Enemy starring Julia Roberts."

PS My sister also made the same mistake and married an abusive man. Her life was so bad it nearly killed her. Now 3 years later she is single but full of joy with the freedom to do as she will. I hope the best for you.

PSS: I am reading some of the other people's opinions and just want to say, there is no reason to get seriously angry over anything. There is no justification for showing such negative emotions over such trivial matters. So what if you put the corn on a pan or a plate? If I didn't like it, I would just shrug and walk away. After all, I don't have to eat it. What's the problem? I would still RESPECT the fact that you wanted to cook corn for me and would be GRATEFUL for it, even if it wasn't prepared to my liking.

No excuse for bad behavior!

Answer 4

I think you might need a little more time to think about things - I know you have made plans but is there any way you can postpone the wedding?

I see two sides to this - one, yeah - you could've just helped him. And I can see if he got a bit annoyed BUT - you say he got really really mad; and that he has an anger management problem. And that gives me pause - I think you are right, you WILL be having a lot of similar episodes if you marry, and - I think you may need to really think about this. Maybe you could get some counselling to help you sort things out. But please don;t push your gut feelings aside - I think you're right to be concerned.

Even if you lose money in the end, and have trouble because you DO decide to not get married (IF that is what you decide, I'm not saying that this is what you ought to do) - then so be it, it's worth it if it is the right decision.

Have you ever been able to talk to him about your concerns?
Maybe you could have some couples counselling.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

um, sounds as if you have some anger management issues of your own...

are you saying you put the raw meat & the vegetables together? I'd get pissed too...that is unsanitary and gross. Not to mention when grilling it is a good idea to have several serving platters etc by the grill....but if you never grill and just have him do it,you wouldn't understand that.

It is kinda equivalent to when you make dinner to expect you to use only one small pot even when you are baking chicken in the oven and making green beans on the stove...

you weren't fighting over corn - you were fighting over disrespecting how he chooses to do something, making him feel like he isn't doing something "right". in your opinion.

Have a question - did you make all the plans for the wedding without any input from him too?

It sounds as if BOTH of you are having pre wedding questions...if you are getting married in a church I suggest you meet with the pastor/priest prior and see what he thinks about your situation....or get to a relationship therapist to see if what is going on is just anxiety about the big change that is about to happen in your lives, or if the two of you are just too hot under the collar to ever have a balanced happy relationship.

Answer 6

Sometimes the little things people choose to fight about are to cover bigger issues. It seems much easier and a lot of the times they don't realize it. Talk to your man and see if maybe there is other things that are weighing on his mind. It could be anything from a bad day at work to family. It could be about anything and not necessarily about you , even though he got mad at you. This happens a lot because couples see each other more so than anyone else. If two people can't communicate than marriage should be put on hold until they can. I just reread the part where you said " Apparently., I never listen." is this something he said to you? That may have been a hint to what's bothering him. Dig a little deeper.

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

I'm sorry, because this is going to be what you want to hear, but why didn't you just help him? As in carry it out, on the plate.

Why fight over corn?

And DO you listen to him?

Have YOU been to therapy? Have you two gone together?

A relationship is compromise, not being right. Maybe you had a good idea; but reverse the rolls. You ask for help and get told a 'better way to do it' so you can 'do it all yourself'.

Sorry, I'm with your poor man on this one.

Answer 8

As you are probably realizing already, love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. You both have to be able and willing to forgive one another and just let the "little" things go; and sometimes the "little" things are the hardest to deal with. You already know that he has anger issues, and may never completely overcome them. Can you avoid "pushing his buttons" without giving up some important part of yourself? You clearly have doubts. Are they justified or just last minute cold feet? Probably some of both. You need to sit down and have a long heart-to-heart with yourself; and then have one with him. If you can resolve things, fine. If not, or if the doubts remain, then perhaps it would be best to cancel or postpone the wedding. With two months to go, you should be able to cancel the wedding arrangements with little or no cost. Better to lose a few deposits than to live with regret for the rest of your life. Good luck.

Answer 9

Call off the wedding. If you have the slightest doubt don't go through with it. Your fiance sounds very controlling. And therapy for anger management should be a big red flag right there.

You said "another blow up." Apparently this happens often, huh? If he becomes that upset over something so minor just think how he'll behave when something really big goes wrong.

Answer 10

I don't know if this is a little fight that has got you thinking or if this happens a lot but, if it does then MY answer to you is it will be much easier to call it off then to live your wonderful life with a man like this or go through a divorce. We only have 1 life to live girl so point yourself in the direction of being happy for the most of it. Divorce is harder than calling off a marriage & so is living with someone who makes you feel worthless. I believe that if you give yourself an HONEST answer..You'll know what to do. None of these decisions will ever be easy for anyone so always remember to do whats right for you because this is "YOUR" life & nobody elses.

Answer 11

A good book for you to read is entitled "Why I Act the Way I Do" It will help explain the little quirks we all have. What made sense to you made sense to me BUT he didn't. My husband will not eat anything that has touched lettuce. Maybe your guy is this way about corn. Also, this could be the last straw for you. Write down Pro on one side of paper and
Con on the other. Write down all of these about him. Which one has more. You have 2 months. Use it wisely to make up you mind. Good luck!!!