Why do I date married men?

Question

I have had 2 long term relationships with men who are married. The first one I couldn't committ to he was ready to leave his wife and I broke up with him, we are still friends. The current relationship has been going on for several years and it gets harder to share. Why don't I value myself?

It appears that many of you think I consciously set out to have only these types of relationships. I don't. Yes, I do have issues of abuse as a child and I too was a woman cheated on. So yes I do know how it feels. I guess that's why I go to great lengths to keep it a secret I don't want to hurt anyone. I do need professional help. Because there is no way that no one can't get hurt, even if wives never know, I do. I feel like I have no control. I happen to be successfull in my professional life but personally I'm a failure. I'm in my 50's and I really want to change. Thanks to all of you and to Nena, Rainbow, Cobweb and Sillyrab. I'm seeking spiritual help as we speak and professional help tomorrow. I'm really not a bad person.

Answer 1

Because your affraid of commitment? Your self esteem and self worth are probably low, and you may feel that you cannot attact anybody that your worthy of.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Are you looking for a father? Do you have commitment problems and married men are safer since they won't leave their wives for you. Do you just want sex and not a relationship? Do you intend to break up their marriage? Or do you have a problem liking men?

Are you divorced? You do realize that married men are already trained by a good woman to satisfy and make women happy. Maybe you just don't want to train an unmarried man. Maybe you haven't found a man worth training. They don't come untrained.

Are you committed to a job and family life would be too stressful? Sorry, but I have a lot of questions for you before I can answer. I've been there. Done that. And one day I awakened and decided that I didn't like myself.

Answer 4

Its the thought of taking something thats already taken. You date married guys, because if things go sour in your eyes, easy to get away. No ties, easy exit, you know exactly where he's at at all times, he knows what to expect, you know whats expected of him, no commitments, no kids, if you want to date someone else, you can. Basically what your doing is going the easy way out to have companionship, but not ready to have a commitment yet. You say it's getting harder to share, now would be the time to find someone thats not married. Its not fair to the wives that doesn't know who you are. would you know how to feel if someone was having an affair with your "husband"? or even boyfriend?

Answer 5

you know what in any way a relation with a men or married is not gonna give you a good things. You always gonna be the second one. Thats is no good for nobody. Why you want to be the second one???,you can be the first one and have all the respect in the society. You think is nice have to share yor men with another person? So dont do to nobody what you dont want to nobody did to you. Start with a clean relationship that you can enjoy and be proud. Good luck my frien and I hope that my answer hel you at least a little bit.

Answer 6

Married men/women are safe. You don't have to commit to them, and if you break it off, you know they have someone to go back to. I have been the not yet divorced man in that situation and I have hung out with a married woman. The sharing thing is bad, I want someone to myself but would never ask a married person to leave, I would rather they say that way, I still get my fun with no ownership. Good Luck

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you. A book you should consider reading is Women who love too much. The gist of the book is basically through whatever childhood trauma your comfort level was compromised therefore the things that normally should have been uncomfortable had to be adapted to by you, therefore becoming comfortable. Now in your adult life the situations that are uncomfortable & not healthy (affairs) are what is familiar to you and in your comfort zone. You can identify that these situations aren't healthy but yet are drawn to them like an addiction and like with any other addiction you have to work on it through counseling. I know you can work through this because you've gotten half way there by recognizing the problem. Good luck and blessings to you!

Answer 8

You don't value yourself because you're acting like a cheap tramp. You date married men because they'll go for you because they like the thrill of the chase. They stay with their wives because there are two types of women; the types you marry and the types that you have sex with. You've let yourself become that second type.
Married men are off limits. Period. Once they get that ring on their hands, they are no longer available. How would you feel if you were married and someone did that to you, fooled around with your husband. Wouldn't be real great, would it?
There's single guys out there. If you'd dump the married guys, you'd be able to find them.

Answer 9

It seems like you have very very low self esteem and the only way you feel better about yuorself is to ruin other peoples lives. Dont you care that he has a wife that loves him unconditionally and you are sleeping with her husband. If my husband ever cheated on me and the girl knew he was married id rip them both apart. Go to a therapist one that is female or not married adn seek the help that you need. Stop ruining everyone elses life.

Answer 10

The answer to this question is simple. You are attracted to the married men type for 2 reasons. One is that you know you don't have to worry about being committed to one man and the other is you know that it's a cat & mouse game. He is allowing you to have this kind of relationship with him because he is enjoying the game and doesn't care about the consiquences of his other relationship. If people call you a whore well what does that say about the man who you are involved with. Where I am from they would call him a "Man Whore" because he's just a guilty for this relationship as well as you are.

Answer 11

You answered this question for yourself. You do not value yourself. For some reason you don't think you are good enough to come first in a mans life. Until you can get some counseling on how to value yourself , have self esteem and learn what love is , you should stay away from men. You have alot of work to do and you deserve a normal relationship so please get some help.