Living together before marriage....?

Question

I am curious to what other think so here is the question:

Should a person live with someone before they get married? Why?

Answer 1

I have been with my partner for 20 years and we have been living together for 17.We get on great and we live just like a married couple other than we have different surnames.I think its good to live together as you find out what the person you are moving in with is really like.Once you are married and you don't like each others habits then its a long haul threw the divorce courts.If it all goes wrong and you are only living together and not married its much easier to walk away.Hopefully it will be a happy ending like mine, i love my partner and my life and i would recommend it to any one.

Answer 2

There is a 1970s song in which Karen Carpenter sings,

"I used to say: 'no promises, let's keep it simple',
but freedom only helps you say goodbye.
It took a while for me to learn that nothing comes for free.
The price I've paid is high enough for me".

I think, once you get engaged, living together should be fine. You can't believe how many things can completely derail a relationship. You need to know that you are compatible. It's not like in Seinfeld where Jerry meets dozens of women and always finds one little flaw to use as an excuse to break it off, but there are many reasons why people just can't commit to such a close relationship. I, for example, often like to sleep alone. I just can't fall asleep otherwise. Maybe something like that would be a "deal killer" for you.

Besides just living together, every couple should have to take a trip together. There's an old saying, "You don't really know someone until you've travelled with them." Taking a trip (a real trip, not some weekend to the countryside), is a real eye opener. You'll be surprised what you learn about someone.

Answer 3

YES you should live with them before you get married (although by standards laid down over 2000 years ago living together constitutes being married - the modern concept of a marriage ceremony originates from property rights customs which wealthy Romans practiced in order to guard themselves - peons were considered to be married by merely cohabitating).

Why should you live together? Because that's truly the only way you'll know whether the person is the right one and whether you can still love one another despite each other's faults.

It's better to do it this way than waiting until you participate in the "marriage ceremony" only to find out that you can't stand living with each other and head for divorce court.

If I had practiced the wisdom of living together before participating in the "marriage ceremony" with my first wife and thus had a chance to see what she was REALLY like, I never would have married the cretin!!

Answer 4

A lot of people will answer 'yes', and a lot of people have done so, and are presently doing so. Some of my family members have done so. Some get married, and some break up.

What about the days of arranged marriages...when your parents picked someone who you would marry practically when you were born. Neither party would even know each other, yet be expected to spend 'till death do us part' together--and most did so.

What about just a few decades ago--when 'shotgun marriages' happened all over. If someone got pregnant, she and the impregnator were forced to marry--and to stick it out.

On one hand, it may be better to know all that there is to know about a person before you marry--so perhaps you won't wind up divorced.

On the other hand, people can learn together, grow together, and love together as a married couple.

It's all about what morals the couple lives by--what they think of as right and wrong--and about trust in each other.

Good luck, whatever you decide :)

Answer 5

I don't know about the losing respect part, that is so typical of a male to answer this way, how about the woman losing respect for the man for asking her to move in why is that any different. But aside from all that, you should go with your gut feeling, and you should know each other really well before moving in together in the first place, ask all the difficult questions, even simple banal things like, do you keep the toilet seat up or do you mind if the tooth paste isnot always covered, etc...there are some really great books you can find that are called something like 50 questions to ask before getting married and others, they can give you some great insight, if you don't move in together before marriage it is sso much more romantic to do it once you are married, if you know what I mean. Go on a trip together, go camping, see how he deals with problems, it's so easy when life is going well, but it's when problems pop up that you get to know how strong a person is, and if he or she are able to deal with it in a level headded manner...good luck :)

Answer 6

I believe it's absolutely necessary. After all, you wouldn't sign a lifetime contract for a car without a good, long test drive would you?!
Here's the thing, while your beloved may treat you well at the movies, restaurant or park that won't tell you how he'll treat you the rest of the time. He might not mind sharing a bottle of wine but might not share the remote so easily.
And then there's the stuff that will cripple a marriage. . .
Money habits
Laundry habits
Sleeping disorders
Living together will let you know if you can live with the little stuff that drives you nuts or not.
My husband and I will celebrate our 1 year anniversary next month but we have lived together for over 6 years. It took me 40 years to find the man of my dreams and 5 years to test drive him!

Answer 7

No, it's not good to live together before marriage. What for ?
If you're committed to each other, and want to be married and spend the rest of your lives together, then you don't need to live together before hand for a "dress rehearsal" at it, you'll have a lifetime together for the "live performance".

Everyone says that psychologically it's different because when you just live together you know that you can walk out anytime; whereas when you're married, it's not so easy to just leave without going through a divorce.

Answer 8

Absolutely!!! maybe 20 yrs ago it might have been taboo but in todays society with the embarrassing divorce rate and sooooo many married people who are unhappy with each other, i think no expense should be spared to make sure u REALLY have the right one. A lot of people may disagree with me, using the premise of Love, faith, destiny, and all that other crap but i think Love, faith, and destiny are the mothers and fathers of prenuptial agreements, divorce, and infidelity. A partner is like a gift at xmas time. When your a kid and u get something you've been hoping for all year it feels good. You don't want anyone else to even look at your gift but, when its not that shinny anymore, you see someone with something better, or a new version come out you don't even want the dumb thing anymore. Most gifts didn't last past February for me. It sounds cold but its human nature. Your in your early 20's you don't know yourself, if u don't really know yourself after 20 yrs how could u want to be with someone forever after a couple months. I think before marriage its all necessary, sex, living together, even making some kind of joint financial commitment together. Its hard to admit but all that love nonsense will just lead u into an unhealthy relationship. Dating, seeing each other 4 or 5 times a week, talking on the phone, or having a couple sleep overs cant substitute for giving everything that u are to a person (some of us think the 4hr phone conversation is the same but it isn't). There are other things to compromise about in a marriage but i think that one point is absolute, you have to give everything you are to a marriage, half @$$in it will only waist both of your time and will result in you hating a good friend. I'm speaking this way because i have history as an example. Failed relationships in my family's lives and the many celebrity train wrecks that occur almost everyday. If you really love each other and are going to be together for the next 50+ years, it doesn't matter that u we're only married for 47 of them. Take the time to do it right and really get to know the person....thats just how i feel about it. Some relationships do prove me wrong but the majority of them prove me right. Keeping with the previous analogy, gifts that keep you happy for a long time are few and far between. I think its worth while to figure out if its the shiny new toy that the whole neighbor hood got and you'll lose before summer or if its the keepsake your mother/father gave you when u were 8 that you'll cherish forever. You have to be careful when dealing with forever.

Also the "Old" ways and tradition made people stay with someone that they hated because of guilt and religious pressure. I had a friend whose wife bought another man in their marriage bed, literally in his house, and with all this he was still willing to work it out but she wouldn't. She kept lying and playing innocent until he actually caught her on camera. Any tradition or morals that say he's suppose to be forced to stay with her after witnessing that firsthand is not only wrong but stupid. The whole morals and traditions worked because the giving in the relationships were one sided. There was no equivalence, woman sacrificed hopes, dreams and independence and the man sacrificed nothing. Any marriage would work under those unreasonable conditions. Times are different now. Marriages are now 2 beings becoming one, not a woman becoming her husbands property. You can keep living in the past with your traditions if u want, but before u condemn todays society look at the circumstances that made everything gel so perfectly in the 50's. Its totally irresponsible to put past times on such a high petalstool.

Answer 9

Personally, I feel that it disrespects the importance and privledge of marriage to do so. I've heard an argument from friends before along the lines of "oh, how can you really know a person before you decide to spend the rest of your life with them if you don't live together before marriage?"

Honestly though, part of what brings a couple closer together and solidifies a marriage is realizing that there will be differences and learning to work together and love one another unconditionally in spite of those differences. If we know everything about that person beforehand, how can we grow together when we make the committment of marriage?

Take a look at the source I listed for some really good information.

Answer 10

Yes, i definately think you should. All religious and "moral" things aside. I am 34 years old and have been married twice. I learned the hard way that it is a good idea to live together before marriage. You can't really know a person until you have lived with them.