How do I save my marriage??

Question

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. We come from different family background. She came from money and I grew up poor. She looks down on my family and doesnt ever want to spend time with them. I go to college and work full time and also do all the housework(most of the time). Almost every weekend I'll go to my brothers house to hang out with my family. She will get mad and say a whole bunch of cruel things. I spend so much time with her but still get treated like crap. I tried to get her into marriage counselling but she wont go stating that she doesnt have a problem. How do I save my marriage? I never got married to get a divorce but with her not sharing housework and calling me a f-ing loser all the time because I never went to college until I was 28. I just dont know. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Answer 1

After reading your question, I feel sad for you. To me, love is everthing, love can hide differences, love does not care who we are... etc. But your wife is not. I know why you married her, is because you have the love, but sadly to say she does not. One thing could be she is not that in love with you, or she was a spoiled rich child. If it's the latter, you can still save the marriage otherwise I would advise you to divorce. A couple should respect each others' family, they should accept the family just like they accept each other. She called you a loser, what about herself? She is a loser herself for not able to be a good wife. As you said, she dislike your family, she said bad thing to you and about your family. She should be thankful that you are a guy that willing to do the housework. Remember, your family(your parents and siblings) is always the most important people of your life. It's your duty as one of the members to protect it's pride. Most important is that you must protect your pride as a man. She doesn't worth your love. Remember behind every successful man, there is a good wife.
Think again, do you still want to save the marriage while your wife is not willing to? To clap, we need 2 hands not 1.

Answer 2

4

Answer 3

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
No one deserves to be treated this way. It sounds like your wife does not respect you or your family. You have taken a good step trying to get her to go to marriage counseling with you. The fact that you are trying to save your marriage says a lot about how much you love your wife & want this to work.

A loving, supportive wife would be thrilled that you share the housework & wanted to go to college @ 28. She would share your dreams & be happy that you try to treat her as an equal.

Even though she has refused to go to counseling, I would suggest you go anyway. It will give you a chance to speak to someone neutral about the problems you are having, as well as some insight from a professional on what you can do from here.
Good luck & I hope things work out for the best.

Answer 4

What baffles me is that the two of you got together in the first place. I understand that you did not get married to get a divorce, but it takes two people to make a marriage work and from sound of it, your wife isn't working at things.
You say that she does not like your family and looks down on them (which is not good). Even if she does not like your family her putting them down only makes things worse and ultimately is disrespectful to you. I also understand that you want to spend time with your family, but spending almost every weekend with your brothers is a little much. Try spending more time with your wife on the weekends and not every weekend with your brothers. Don't get me wrong--it is perfectly normal to spend time with your family but not every weekend (is it the Whole weekend or just a little while).
Counseling sounds good if she will go. But even if she doesn't maybe you might consider going by yourself because it may help you understand some of the dynamics going on in your relationship. As it appears from your statement, your wife is abusive to you. Whether that stems from her own insecurities or her past experiences still does not make it acceptable. By the way, her family can not be "all that" if they condone this sort of behavior from their daughter. You need to realize that having lots of money does not make people better than you.
Good luck to you. You sound like a decent guy.

Answer 5

# 1 why do you want to save this marrage? Are You happy ? Both partners have to give at least 75 % at all times for a partnership to have a chance. It sounds like someone is not giving thier share. Your marriage has stopped the negoshiating process ,when that happens "cussing,blaming,withdrawing,etc."are the way you communicate. Very few marriages recover from this stage without serious outside help along with true everlasting love and total commitment. Your marriage is already missing most of these ingredients I've seen people stay together till death rescued them. However their marriage failed. Again I ask the question Why do you want to save this ( business relationship where you are considered the bottom feeder)---Marriage ? I think when you answer this question , your next one will be ."How do I get out of this marriage that is obviously over?" Good luck!

Answer 6

You don't need to "educate" her as if she is a dog!!! first of all, your current situation must me the consequence of something... what has been happening between you two?? haven't you tried to consider that she must be even less satisfied than you are?? you are thinking just about "fingering" and stuff like that when maybe the source of the problem is communication?, empathy? and understanding??? anything else Beyond the mere sexual act? And don't even try to take this situation as an excuse and cheat on your wife now!! That would very selfish and even immature for a man of your age... Try to listen what she has to say and DON'T JUDGE her of having traditional thoughts... im sure there's a lot to save in in your marriage, even more after 22 years!!!!! Good luck and sorry If I spoke strongly but men sometimes are so thoughtless....

Answer 7

I am so sorry for you.I have a son and if he will have a such marriage, I should tell him to go away from a such wife.It is only wasting of a time because this woman doesn't love you.I do not know what she was thinking when she did marry with you but a marriage is not only a nice and pleasant adventure but love, care for each other and help.What if you'll be suddenly ill and you can not work,study and to serve to her at home?Are you her slave or a domestic servant?Is she thinking about to keep you for that?
I think 2 years of your life are not so much to waste it in a marriage comparing it with all life suffering withought life or for many years to have it on your heart what she is doing with you.
Making love,sharing life together,giving nice feelings to each other and first of all being friends is much more than every day to tell you your life partner that you are nothing.You will develop a such putting down yourself and you will receive a lot of understimating complexes.
Let she enjoy of her money and you keep very close relationship with your family because now they are only people who loves you really and can help you in your life.
So many women are into this world and there is somebody for you too who will love you,respect you and will be happy to spend together the life because the life is only one.
It is expecting you and do not loose your time anymore.

Answer 8

That sounds like emotional abuse to me, I think you need to take a few steps back and look at the whole picture and it's not pretty from where I am standing. It's not fair to treat you like this, if she felt so badly about your family why did she marry you in the first place. Look divorce is never pretty, but if you have no children together, get out and as fast as you can, and find someone who will make you happy and love you for who you are and not for how much money you have!!! Good luck :)

Answer 9

Nobody gets married just to get divorced, but in some situations, you get backed into a corner and that's the only way out. It's unfortunate that she's so unwilling to make an effort. If you've done all you can, you can't really blame yourself. The last thing I can think you can try is to tell her that if she doesn't go to marriage counseling, you will leave. You have to make it believeable, because it sounds like she doesn't take you seriously. Good luck.

Answer 10

It's really sad, but she doesn't love you and that's because she has no idea what love even is.

She knows what money is. That's probably how she was raised. Raised always getting and doing whatever she wants. 9 out of 10 people that were raised with alot of money are far from warm, loving, respectful, generous people and they will never go out of their way to make anybody happy. That's because they never had to go out of their way, it always came to them.

It seems to me like she is very immature and spoiled and the only way you can stop that, is if you stop putting up with it. How can you let someone, especially your wife put you down, call you names and disrespect your family like that? Where is your backbone?

The only thing that might make her stop and think, is you saying you will no longer deal with this. Strongly talking about all your feelings and the things you want in your marriage, might make a difference. If it doesn't, without a doubt you will eventually say goodbye. Good Luck