Horrible Dilemma?

Question

we've been together for 2.5 years, things are good.

However I have to leave this country to get back to the west, as I need to progress in my career and staying here any longer will be detrimental to this.

However, she cant leave as we dont have the funds/property to get the visa - and we both dont want to marry yet.

Also long distance isn't an option.

Do I stay here with the woman I love and never be able to advance in my career, or leave and be heartbroken?.

Answer 1

"Long distance isn't an option"??? If you love someone, you make it work. My husband and I had a long-distance relationship (900 miles apart) for five months. When we couldn't take it anymore, he moved 900 miles to be with me. Neither of you is willing to compromise, you're not willing to make a long-distance relationship work, and you don't want to get married? That doesn't sound like love to me. If you've been together for 2.5 years, and things are really "good," then you either need to marry her or forget about her. You know enough about this woman to know if you want to marry her. If you still have no desire to do that, I think you've found your answer.

Answer 2

With a deep look at your problem, I think the horrible dilemma is not about whether to stay with the girl or go to the west, but its whther to marry the girl or not !!

Is there a very strong reason for not marrying her ?? If there is none, then it looks like u or both of you are not serious about ur relation !! I am sorry but that comes out to be the finding - Becoz any two people on this earth in the give circumstances would opt for marriage (though they have a reason for not marrying right now) because thats the easiest sacrifise which does not hurt any one.
Life without achieving your dream career or sacrifising great career is a loss in life but loosing your TRUE love is miserable. no body will even think about that option. Everybody would opt for anything other than loosing his LOVE.
So figure out and judge why you are hesitating to marriage inpite of that being the simplest sacrifise. And chances are that u will realize and face the truth sooner - and it can avoid future misery to both !!
I Mean it. Please get married and dont take a wrong step at this crucial juncture.
If u cant marry without a valid and very strong reason - question ur self if u TRUELY love her.
If your answer is still yes and you truely love her/there is very strong reason for not marrying - then my suggestion would be :
1. Go there with a determination to earn money quickly and get her there - provided it takes reasonable amount of time and not long enough to bring a gulf between ur relation
2. Drop form the plans of moving and lead a happy life with ur LOVE. Its much more fulfilling and satisfied than what ur career can give u. U might not get that great a break here but u can still ldo a good job and grow over a period of time :-)

All the best. Think on the above lines and I am sure it helps you in long run so that u will never have to repent in future.

One more last tip for you : "IF YOU SACRIFISE SOMETHING FOR UR TRUE LOVE, THERE ARE CHANCES THAT YOU MIGHT NOT FEEL IN FUTURE THAT ITS A CORRECT DECISCION - BUT IF U DONT, YOU WILL FOR SURE FEEL ALL THRU UR FUTURE FOR MISSING UR LOVE"
Dont take a wrong deciscion at this crucial stage of ur life. get clarity and commitment in ur relation and then decide accordingly.

Answer 3

Indeed, you are in a dilema. I think that only you can answer this question, as cliched as it sounds.
I think you also need to perhaps not think in such black and white terms...
1) Why wouldn't a long distance relationship work while she saved money for a VISA.
2) If you do stay, there's NEVER a way you will advance your career?

It sounds to me liek you need to look at things with a bit more of an open mind. Could you stay another two years and then perhaps decide if marriage is right, and also see if there are other career options in this country? Could you move home, and perhaps make a committment to help her save for her VISA?
Take lemons and make lemoande my friend :)

Answer 4

you can't progress in your career where you currently are?
why is long distance not an option?
would leaving be a permanent arrangement?

Compromise---if it's absolutely necessary for you to leave to be able to work then do so. Save the money together so that you can afford to have her join you. If it's something that you are both committed to then it shouldn't take long to do so.
Nothing worth having in life comes easy or without sacrifice--you have to decide if you love each other enough to work together to be together.

Answer 5

If the woman is so important to you that you would risk gainful employment and the halting of your career then why isn't marriage an opti?. If, on the other hand she is not willing to marry you, then how valuable can the relationship be? Why give up something (your carreer) for nothing (your relationship). The only choice here that I can see is marriage, or leave her.

Answer 6

If you really love this woman and she loves you then you can pursue your career and keep a long distance relationship. If you really love each other it's possible, otherwise you are just another person who can't stay commited to someone. My husband and I were long distance for well over a year when he went to Iraq and yes we did stay married and faithful to each other. Seperation is hard, but when you truly are commited and love someone it's worth it.

Answer 7

Stay with the woman you love....u may not realise it but u are very fortunate to have found the woman u love and who loves u.

Career will be taken care of if u have the company of ur partner....u can get anything u want, it may get late but u will eventually.

However, u will always mourn the loss of ur loved one incase u choose ur career over this girl.

Be sensible....u will ot regret this decision.

Best of Luck

Answer 8

there must be other options available to you --- im sorry i would not leave my lady without a huge fight --- and again is your career more important than your relationship??? --- are the options there --- and why isnt marriage an option now?? -- while long distance would not be an option to me after my lady and i meet (we already are long distance) why not consider it as a short term solution --- a visa is not really an expensive option --- tourist to start and then do all you can to make it permanent --- best wishes

Answer 9

You need to think about what you feel is more important. Mostly everything comes with a sacrifice. If you love this person so much and if this person loves you; why not get married and have the best of both worlds.

Answer 10

I would stay here...I would assume at sometime you could advance your career here. Finding the love of your life is something people are lucky to find one time in their entire life.