do i need therapy or kick in the ...head?

Question

this may take a minute...

man was married(wife cheated) and began seeing a woman, me...

on again off again, talked for hours, tried to even help with the marriage to work if that was what he wanted...

i was getting tired of the "i'm going back to my wife" and was going to end it...but got pregnant

skip ahead, we are now married with the baby and now another...

i stay at home with kids, i love him, he is a great guy, loves the kids and me but i feel like i am going crazy. i don't leave the house except for dr. appt. or to go to my moms with kids to spend the night maybe 2 times a month. his life seems to be going on as usual, i know its changed but mine has done a 180 turn. i was working, very independant with no responsibilities but to myself. i feel very trapped at times and am afraid i'm beginning to resent my kids, kinda feel like i wouldn't be here if not for the oldest (my fault i know for unprotected sex) but like i said i love him and want out children to have

both parents like i did not! any how, if u stuck with me and read it thanks

what do you people think

i just want more opinions

Answer 1

I think you have every women's dilemma. If you stay home with the kids and the only thing you have to look forward to is your husband coming home you can get really depressed. you need something for yourself. Take a night class and leave the babies with your husband. or get a part time job, even going out with the girls once a week for dinner or drinks will probally help. You have to have more to look forward to then potty training.

Answer 2

What youre feeling is perfectly normal for your situation. Youve gone from a normal single female to a fulltime mom with responsibilties and this is exactly where you didnt plan on being at this stage of your life. The problem being you cant return to your single life anymore with 2 little ones depending on you. Im not going to tell yoy its your fault and this is what happens because youve probably heardit all and more than enough times, but all that doesnt matter much now as you now have a full family and will for some time to come so you better get used to the feelings and enjoy as it doesnt last forever. The kids will eventually grow upand leave and will test every nerve youve got along the way, but it will come to an end and alot quicker than you realize. Good luck

Answer 3

I know exactly what you are saying - you need adult company or a job to stop your mind from going into atrophy.

You didn't say how old your children are - this makes a difference. If your Mom or someone else you trust is willing to sit with your little ones while you get a part time job, go back to school or do volunteer work, it will help you immensely.

If your kids are already in school, consider working while they are in school or doing volunteer work at the school.

Also, see if hubby will watch the kids one night a week/ month so that you can join a club (cards), bowling, gym. Get it, something for you to get away for a few hours.

You are not alone in feeling mind deprived when you have kids, but you can do something about it. Good luck.

Answer 4

I think you don't resent the children so much as you do the fact that you have become a virtual prisoner for this guy. You need to tell him that you are not planning on running around on him but that you need some Independence and freedom. Get a part time job and work outside the house.

The two of you need to get a baby sitter once in a while and go out to dinner or to a show or something. Being house bound is for birds in cages.

Answer 5

Get away for a mini vacation by yourself every now and then. Doesn't have to be much, just when he is home and the kids are looked after just leave go for a walk, to a park a museum, a library, a movie, or just window shopping anything that lets you feel like you again, just a few hours now and then once a week or if thats not possible once a month. You deserve at least a few hours to do something you like. and if he can't respect that, he's not a man.

Answer 6

There is a world of difference going from being a mistress to being the wife. And I think that is what disappoints you. You fought hard to win him, and you did, even if it was by default. And now your life has changed into being the last on his list, tied down with your children, and spending your time wondering if he is cheating on you now. That makes a ton of sense.
You know, you really should not blame your daughter for your life. Kids are just amazing. And of course you give up things when you have them, everyone does. But, if your resentment for her is so strong, talk to your husband and get out of your marriage. Let him raise your children. Not every woman who gives birth needs to be a mother. You would still be able to see them on a much smaller scale. Giving you freedom to do whatever it is that will make you happy.

Answer 7

Therapy? No. Normal? Probably. From your post sounds like life is basically good. What I see as missing is something to challenge your mind. When you were independent the process of living and working consumed much of your day's thoughts. Now your thoughts are consumed with caring for others. Rather then finding a reason to blame others for your mental condition, create a new journey inside your head. Yep, raising children is a full time job. Incorporate thought provoking outings within this context. Going to your moms as your choice of an outing may not be the answer. One way to seek an answer is to not seek at all. Quiet your mind and eval each thought as they enter. Rather than trying to pull in thoughts, leave room for the thoughts to enter on their own. Sometimes we over think things and this takes us down a bad road. Step back, relax and let your mind wonder.

Answer 8

Maybe you need both....therapy and a kick in the head. You're a stay at home mom and that comes with tons of responsibilities as well as time and energy. But it also makes you feel a little desperate for adult interaction. You and your husband need to plan for date nights so the two of you have some connection time and maybe some evenings with other couples as well. You need to make the changes. Don't just wish for them. Sounds like you have a good guy and a good life....not something to throw away.

Answer 9

Sweetie, people are going to tell you to just get out and do something. And that's pretty much what's needed, but you seem a bit more intelligent than that. You need a focus, you need a project. Let's forget you may have broken up a marriage and everyone is going to spit on you for it. The past is the past and you need to bury it. Bury it and bury the shovel! So my advice? Get a brochure from your local college, find an interesting subject and follow it. Can I make a suggestion? Creative people (I don't know why I get this vibe from you) enjoy photography. Not just taking pictures but exposures, creative subject lines. Manipulating lights and shadows.

However, don't let me steer you in a direction you may not want to go, just pick one and choose. Who knows, maybe the health care industry interests you?

Answer 10

I think a mum should be at home with her kids, a dad too if he chooses to.
I dont go anywhere, i havent been out for a drink for 2 years, but i dont want to go or leave my kids.
I too do feel trapped but its not my life or kids its loneliness, my hubbys never around , he goes on as if single too.
I think its not that we feel trapped in our lives , its that we crave loving attension , i know its the love i miss.
The men take it for grant-age that we are at home for them and for get we are people with feelings and needs.
Try speaking with your husband. He may help you.
That didnt work for me, other things have messed things up for me too.
xxx