What do I do? Mother In Law Question?

Question

Last night I sent my fiancee an email and explained everything that I've been feeling about this relationship. One of the problems happens to be his mother and her behavior, she acts like he is her husband. While she is at work, she will call him 3 to 4 times each day. She expects him to pay everything for her. She's constantly worried about his finances and where he goes(if I call her to see how she is, she will ask "Where did he go? Whose house is he at now?)<---If he wanted you to know as a 29 year old man, he would have told you!
I tried to explain my irritation to him nicely and he's like "I dont think its really like that, but I can see how you would feel that way because I have been the man of the house. Perhaps you take it harder."

Answer 1

Just be very careful how you confront this situation as they both may take what you are saying the wrong way. Mother in laws will always do something that we may not agree with but if this is how the two of them have been before you came on the scene then it may be hard for you to accept it. If he doesn't see it as a problem than you shouldn't see it as a problem either. I know it probably drives you crazy as you don't think that she should be asking the questions that she does or even calling him as much as she does. But if he has been her rock for so long it won't be easy for them to just stop the rolls that they are playing. The best thing you can suggest is that if you are to get married that she has to kind of take a back seat and not be so prominent in his life as that is what you are there for now. You have to approach it very subtly as you don't want to hurt either of them in the process. It won't be easy to undo what relationship they already have but she will have to realize that you are going to be his wife and you don't expect her to be a third in your relationship. mother in laws are always hard to deal with especially when it comes to there sons. All they want is the best for them just as you do. Just approach the subject cautiously as you don't want to push him away.

Answer 2

Your fiance and his mother are a "package deal"--if you marry him (if his mother lets him!), she will come along as part of the package.

It sounds very clear that his mother has a tight hold on him--but he himself has allowed this to continue that way now and probably for many years. The fact that his response to your recent e-mail was "I don't think it's really like that ..." is telling you something very important: that he tends to deny or minimize the reality of his mother's controlling and intrusive behavior. There may even be a part of him that strongly values this peculiar relationship he has with his mother.

Of course what this means for you is that you need to take a very close and serious look at the whole package that comes along with your fiance, and decide if you are able to tolerate any of it. He is not too likely to be willing to change much about the "closeness' of his relationship with his mother--and she is very highly unlikely to want to change any aspect of it whatsoever.

Answer 3

Your love for him has to be strong enough to handle this because it is not going to stop. Think long and hard if you want your future mother-in-law in your life. You need to love her almost as much as you love him because she is not going anywhere. Another option is for you to move away from her once you are married, I mean like out of State away.

Answer 4

Congrats, youve managed to hook up with a real live mommas boy and nothing short of shooting her,theres nothing much you can do about it so get used to it if youre still going to marry him. Good luck