Question about parents of gay children?

Question

Okay i dont know if this is just my family but my mother has used the excuse "Oh it's just a phase" or "HORMONES!" just about every single time the subject of my sexuality has come up. My question is this... Will my parents (especially my mother) ever grow out of that crappy excuse? or Is there a certain age when teenage hormones stop "screwing up" my sexuality (again quoting my mother)? I think it is just my mother's way of coping with this whole thing but SHE was the one that nearly forced me into tell her I was gay 4 years ago (im 18 now). since i was going through some serious crap with depression back then my mother eventually got this idea that my father, uncle, aunt, or some random guy molested me or some crap so I had no way of pushing the question off to the side. I had to tell her i was gay. when i told her she said "That's it?" and then stopped talking to me for about a week. I just dunno when my mother will stop using that lame excuse. Any ideas?

Thanks everyone (except Beanie) it's nice to see some good answers instead of the common bull **** you usually see as answers. And fyi... i said my mother got the crazy thought that i go molested as a child i never said i really did get molested so i dont think that can contribute to me sexuality at all if it didnt happen. Its almost impossible to pick a best answer since all your answers really did help alot. Thanks again

i do have a doctor i go to see... she diagnosed me with depression... then bipolar... then ADD... then she took me off the meds for all that stuff and said it was only depression or something like that. Yeah she's a wonderful doctor isnt she? lol

Oh a dietritian... never even thought of that. Yeah that makes sense... maybe i'll look into that. Thanks ^_^

Yeah and my parents have "friends" that think i'm straight. Both my brothers and my sister think im straight... "Why dont you have a girl friend yet?!"... i dont get the luxury of answering truthfully because i end up getting silenced by one of my parents before i can answer... lol

Parents' Friend: "Why don't you have a girl friend yet, you seem like a nice guy?"...
Me: "Welllll... I guess it's because im ga..."
Father: "...It's because he hasnt found the right woman... right, son!"
Me again: "god damn it dad..."

Story of my life... lol

You may disagree with him but he got one thumbs up! woo! Go beanie... dork

Answer 1

Firstly, it's common to be mis-diagnosed these days. I was told i was bipolar, schitz, borderline personality etc!! After finding a good, well respected (& expensive) psychiatrist i found out i'm jus a bit angry & traumatised from past mis-fortunes. Since i've been seeing her i'm off all meds, doing really well & feel like i used to so if you're ever in doubt of your doctor it can't hurt to see someone else for an assessment :) also a dietitian can do wonders, the right foods & Vitamins can correct any chemical imbalances in your body.
Secondly, fingers crossed that one day your mum will just accept it, or you rather. My parents were a little like yours but finally they got over it & accepted that i like other women lol. Some of their friends didn't know i was gay for ages & most of my dads mates still dont, i think that's his problem & when they ask why i dont have a boyfriend i answer honestly & he's faced with the "embarressment" while i giggle inside :) My olds pressed it out of me also so hey... they asked for it.
Good luck dude, hope for your sake and happiness they come around xo
&... i was sexually abused for 10 years but i'm 100% sure that i'd be gay either way and i wouldn't change my sexuality for anything. I'm completely comfortable with it, so i too disagree with beanie

Answer 2

I wasn't really sure what to type here, but maybe this will help.

Me and my mother are very close. One day she found out that I was going to a meeting at the college. The topic came up and she found out that my friend Steve wasn't going. She then asked why not? And I said because Steve doesn't really see why a straight person to go (to the meetings, which were gay, lesbian, blah blah blah). Then she asked, "Are you straight?" And I said no.

She then said "OOOOOOOOOOOK..." and then there was a silence. It took her less than a week and she grew more accepting of the fact. She encouraged that I dress appropriately.

Today, we are still close and I can say "Oh, he's cute" whenever I want and she doesn't care.

I wish it was the same for you. My mom probably went through denial for a day or so. She also asked "If it was her fault." I just told her no.

As for your parents, don't be surprised if they never come around - some just never do and eventuallly, you'll just have to accept that...

Good luck though. ^_^

Answer 3

In about 5 years the importance of your mother in your life will take a back burner to everything else in your life. I'm sorry she had to create this drama, but you don't have to live it. Do what you have to do to have them send you to college and then live your own life. Not all parents have a good handle on parenting, there isn't an instruction manual. However it sounds like your mom loves you, so give her a break for not being perfect and just remember that she doesn't define your life, you do.

Depression can be an illness that sucks the life out of you, or it can simply be a symptom of life that isn't going your way. Get involved with something larger than you are and focus your energies on that and see if you won't look at life alittle different. Make your own happiness, then you own it and no one can take it from you. Good luck and enjoy your life.

Answer 4

I can` t understand this attitude but maybe deep down its because being gay will make life more difficult for you when its already hard enough .I`m straight and a mother and if my child was gay i`m sure i`d see signs of it from a young age .my best friend who has been my friend from starting school is a gay man and i always knew he was more girly in some of his ways than me .As a mother my only concern would be other peoples prejudice towards my child

Answer 5

Anger, denial, depression, bargaining, and acceptance are the steps in coming to terms with something big, and it's what people go through when you're coming out.

She's in denial it seems, she's making an excuse for why it can't be true. So give it time, in time she'll see it's not just hormones or a phase.

If you want to help her along, tell her about PFLAG http://www.pflag.org

Answer 6

i think in the back of some parents mind, they want to belive so bad that its just a phase. come on now, what parent really deep down wants the heartache of no grandbabies or the thought of there child being killed by gay bashers, no parent wants that for there child when they bring them in to the world.
but i think that when the parents finally see that there child has
grown up, settled down with a partner and life is good to them
that they learn to accept that part of there child's life as an adult.
my parents didnt know how to talk to me or my partner after
i told them i was gay. it took a few years and many adult conversations and much give and take of respect for one another.
good luck and be true to yourself.
logan

Answer 7

It is denial. My nephew came out when he was 18. She tells him the same thing. For some parents it is very hard to accept. She claims he has a birth defect, but then she says it is just a phase because she says he liked girls when he was younger. She's grasping. I hope that one day she will just accept it for the good of everyone. Parents paint a picture of how their kids should be. When it is destroyed it is devastating for them.

Answer 8

Darling look at this as a learning experince.

Change what you can change, Accept what you can't change & be smart enough to know the difference.

Your mother's dealing with your lifestyle is solely an issue for her. All you can do is to make sure she knows that you still love her no matter what happens....

Answer 9

It will be a long and troublesome road ahead. Mothers usually do not cope well with their children being gay. Fathers even less. I would suggest contacting a group at the website http://www.pflag.org or .com and get information from them for parents to read. It will help you cope as well as her.

Best to ya.

Answer 10

Good luck with that one. Some people never get it. I have a brother that is gay, and I can tell you for a fact he was always gay. He is 42 years old. My other brother still says he will grow out of it.