Why are men resentful when they have to pay child support (and they don't anyway)?

Question

Men have more free time to themselves, less stress, and less of a chaotic life because someone (their exs) else is caring for their children 24/7. So why are they all worked up for?

Answer 1

Well, dear, here's the thing: That's why they're divorced. 54% of first marriages,dear.

A lot of non custodial parents just don't have a sense of responsibility or self-accountability The goal is to get out and leave it ALL behind.

The skills and intelligence required to understand that you divorced your spouse and Are Still your child's Parent eludes them.

My favorite comment is , "I pay her to take care of the children."

Is that a riot?

And yet that is the sentiment. So, dear, we are becoming a society where non custodial parents are Not parents. The law requires nothing more than a paper check from them.

Visitation is not enforceable. It Only establishes a non custodial's right to or not to see the child.

I think a good, straightforward pre-nup stating that time will be shared equally with the children in the event of a divorce is a great idea. That way it's taken care of from the get-go, and we are not dependent on the court to allow the non custodial 4 days a month optional on "visiting" the children.

Even the language is messed up. Who "visits" their kids?????

Answer 2

Mixed question. Women work too so 24/7 is just wrong. Usually a couple share the children so the time share will determine the support level. Women who pay support also resent it. The usual feeling comes from an ex-spouse "taking" away money that was earned by the ex. It is reasonable to emotionally resent as there seems to be zero benefit from putting out the dollars. It is not always the case that the spouse without the children has all this free time and less stress. YOU still have to deal with your former spouse and the future of your children. The time share is just spent differently... Get your brain out of the stereo types.

Answer 3

I've noticed on this site that there's a lot of negativity in people's answers and I believe it's because they, themselves have no idea about what the contributor is asking or why they feel there's an issue that needs to be addressed. I understand your question and I've seen a lot of families suffer because the male counterpart fails to live up to his part of the financial obligations for his kids. If he's with someone new, she may not want his money going towards the ex in any way. He may feel he's found freedom being away from the whole family scene...let's just cut the crap-if you're man enough to lay down with a woman and oops-out comes a child, then you should be man enough to stand up and care for that child. Otherwise, that's why there's a thing called a VASECTOMY!!! It's hard being a single parent, it's harder if you're a single mother and even more difficult when there's more than one child you have to provide for!!! Sorry my answer was so long, but this subject really chaps my hide! Best of luck to you, Hon. I'm pulling for you.

Answer 4

Because maybe they want to be a dad and dont want all that free time?? My husband has 3 children that he is paying a huge amount of child support for, and he has seen the kids 5 times in the last 8 years? Does that seem fair to you? If the mother decides that she wants to have the full custody of a child and make the ex husband pay out the @ss for her choice to walk out the door with the kids, why she b*tching and complaining that he isnt there? If she doesnt want the stress and chaos of the kids she should allow the father to have and raise them. Why do women think that men dont want to be fathers? They helped make the baby and i know there are some really bad men out there that dont want his kids but there are a lot of good men who do want the kids, who do want to be fathers and all the stuff that goes with it. Have you ever watched a man cry his eyes out because his kids write him a letter saying daddy where are you and where have you been, mom says you dont love us. I have and that was the hardest thing I have ever seen any man go through.

Answer 5

From a Guy who has been Married Twice and was also a Single Dad for 5 years, my personal opinion is "guys don't like the idea or are uncomfortable bec we think the child is NOT going to get the bulk of the pymt but rather than the Mom will instead use some for her own needs so she can meet and entrap the next Dad." What ex-Dads esp young guys who married too young or got the young lady pregnant don't realize (i) maybe bec they never lived in a loving family where parents truly care and love their kids enough to make sacrifices putting their kids first or (ii) young teens or adults never found a mentor to give them wisdom about marriage and raising a loving family is the fact that (A) child care esp for pre-school kids outside the home is extremely expensive in terms of $$$ and good caretakers are hard to find and (B) kids succeed best in school if they have parents who work and communicate with teachers, plus the loving parent who has spare time enough to reinforce what the kid learned in school and do the best to promote a BALANCED LIFE of reading a lot, and doing well in school with DETERMINATION TO SUCCEED bec a college degree in a good major in short supply may be difficult but it puts bread on the table. For Single Moms, if you spoil your child(ren) and let them watch too much television, play video games or hang out with kids that get themselves into trouble bec no discipline, you may be sorry down the road when your kids become teenagers and their bad friends are the ones giving advice rather than the Single loving parent...

Answer 6

I understand what you are trying to say, but I think you needed to use parents in place of men. there are a lot more women paying child support than you might think. you are right though, when a parent complains about paying child support they need to stop and think about what the other parent is doing for their children there is a lot more to raising a child than money, so if they want their freedom to run around and act immature then they have to pay the consequences.

Answer 7

I think you should ask yourself "do I try to prevent my ex from having a relationship with his kids?" Most men and women have no problem with paying child support, but resentment builds when the custodial parent tries to alienate the kids from the non custodial parent. This of it this way, would you pay a mortgage on a home if you could never enjoy it or live there. Just write out a check and send it in for somebody else to live off your money?

Answer 8

You gotta look at it from both sides: you have some men who are taking care of their child, but you have a money hungry chick who see's her child as a pay check, who thinks she is owed something for taking care of HER and the child...I see many children who get child support looking throwed away and their mom's have on the best of the best!

The other side is a man making 9.00 per hour and his child support is 500.00 per month. Yeah he is mad, but he made his bed so he gotta lie in it. My husband pays child support but doesn't complain. He wants the best for his son. You can always earn more money, but you can't get back time that could have been invested into the child by being resentful.

Answer 9

Some fathers want to be in their child's lives and spend money on their child whenever they get a chance. It is a lose, lose situation for them. Pay the support and not see their child- they are a dead beat. Not pay the support- they are a dead beat. When someone is doing their best to be a good father and circumstances out of their control are making them look bad, they get resentful. Yes, their are some dead beat dads, but their are even more vindictive women who use child support as a tool to make a man look bad and suffer.

Answer 10

1reason is that the support payments are so high,the father can't support himself and the kids.
2. Many women spend the money on themselves first or their new boyfriend before taking care of the kids and then turn around and ask for money before the month ends.
3. Many men are denied their visitation rights even though they pay support.