I'm single, look ok. Been divorced 1 year. A man I do love wants me to move to Florida with him and get married. He is 69. We knew each other when I was in my 20's.
Problem, my parents still live near me as well as my now single daughter who is raising 2 children alone also relies on me to help
My guy will not budge from Florida. He says it's paradise but never goes to the beach If we pursue this situation I would have to move and leave my family behind.and I would feel so guilty doing that. Should I give up on love and just resign myself to the fact that I am to be a caregiver for the next 15 years at least? Or look for someone else which I'm not really into doing? I feel trapped.
2007-05-27 20:03:11 · 14 answers · asked by gabeymac♥ 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
That wasn't nice hypostat. My parents are in their mid 70's. My grandchildren are 7 and 12.
You will be here someday God willing!
2007-05-28 05:12:08 · update #1
Ask yourself if you would prefer to be a caregiver to your grandchildren or to this lout as someone called him in another post.
The difference in your ages is not too terrible to overcome but as you say there are family needs that should be considered.
I know that were I eligible and had a hot 52 year old on the line I would probably be looking at making some pretty big concessions if they were necessary.
I'd say stick with family and do some looking around. My eldest daughter met a guy on eHarmony a couple years ago who has turned out to be a keeper... they were married two months ago.
2007-05-27 21:37:51 · answer #1 · answered by Chaplain John 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
At 52, youre still hella young, I mean, youre barely there to your retirement years. Almost but um yea. Well think of it this way. Youve been put through a lot of stress after divorce right? Which makes you want to love someone. Well if you want to be with your family, then stay there. But realize that ur daughter has children, and she can take care of herself. But youre kinda there kids grandma, but, um, if that guy never goes to the beach, then thats no fun. Florida in my head, is surfing. So just leave him, there are plenty of other guys out there. Even tho Im only 17, Ive been through a lot....
2007-05-28 23:23:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look to your heart for the answer. So far you haven't said anything about "your true feelings" on the matter. The opinion of others will not make your decision for you. You have talked about " the man" in Florida, your parents, your single daughter, and how this "man" isn't too flexible it sounds like. I think you already know the answer to what you need or may not need to do. Or, you wouldn't be throwing out so many doubts. Listen to your heart. The heart doesn't know how to lie. Just be honest with yourself and go from there. Good luck.
2007-05-28 21:11:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pollyanna……..
First off you ain’t Senior nothing !!! 52 is just the new 45 !! As to the rest you’re right and wrong… Right- Look ok !! Wrong- “I Feel trapped”.
This guy who wants to run off to paradise is too old for you, his insistence to not enjoy the beach is nuts, may as well live in Phoenix it’s just as hot there an NO beaches!!,, and last but not least, his insistence in ignoring your family responsibilities are ridiculous!! If he really cared about you, your feelings, your sense of familial duties,, he wouldn’t ask you to simply leave all you care about behind.
Let the moron run off to Florida,,,, on his own !!! You can and will do better !!! There’s lots of 50ish Men available full of way more care/love/understanding than this lout !!
If your worried about numbers,,,, either find a nice 54 year old guy,, or 2 really hot 27 year olds !!! Seriously,, set your sights higher and find a decent guy !!
2007-05-28 03:33:44 · answer #4 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Turn your house over to your daughter so she can live there, and have her just cover all the bills. That should take care of "looking out" for your daughter.
And get your daughter to occassionally look in on your parents. Maybe she can even get THEM to babysit for free (which is what she has been using YOU for, I am guessing).
I don't think your guy is too old for you at all. I have met some 69 year olds (men and women) that would put 40 year olds to shame.
Don't give up your chance at happiness, just to stay as the monkey in the middle of your particular family.
Your choice, REALLY, is to spend the next 20 years happy and loved and fulfilled. Or to be miserable because you gave in to society's pressure and stayed to "take care of" your family.
Besides, who says that your move won't put the idea in your parent's minds of moving to Florida for THEIR retirement? And probably having your daughter follow along quite soon afterwards?
2007-05-28 12:14:40 · answer #5 · answered by Susie Q 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
is that really your picture?? hell i am 43 and you look like you could pass for my age.. as for him wanting you to move.. well i would stay were you are and look for someone else..if he loved you enough he would move to be with you.. since part of flordia paradise is the beach and he never goes to it.. besides you would miss your daughter and grandkids.. and in about 5 to 10 yrs your parents are not going to be able to be on their own with out you near by.. i know i am moving back to florida because my mom is 70 and needs someone close by.. taking bf with me
2007-05-28 18:28:35 · answer #6 · answered by vis 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A little quick math shows me he'd have been in his late 30 to early 40s when you knew him. That raises a little flag, but the part where you state "he will not budge" looks like the relationship will be a 'Me Tarzan - You Jane 'affair.
Keep his friendship, but I'd seriously keep it at a distance. Us 'old' people aren't going away soon, so there'll be someone who comes down the pike.
My 2 cents.
2007-05-28 13:46:02 · answer #7 · answered by Dances with Poultry 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
OK, follow your bliss. at this age you need to look out for your self ,don't become a biter old lady.now here is how i see it ,go to Florida, but make sure that you have every thing working for you , and when he passes as we all do you get the estate, if there isn't one don't go. there are old poor men every where.
2007-05-29 11:36:37 · answer #8 · answered by chin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you referring to the guy or your parents and kid when you say "resign myself..to being a caregiver"?
If you are referring to the guy, stay where you are and look some more. It took me ten guys to find one I wanted to stay with.
If you are referring to your parents and kid, go with the guy. They will manage. They are adults. Don't feel guilty.
2007-05-28 16:08:29 · answer #9 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's too old for you. If you move to Florida, you will wind up taking care of him as he ages, and you will be away from your support system and your family. If he cared for you, he'd move to be with you, at least temporarily. I say - get over him, and find someone nearby who's closer to your age. Honey - you're still young!
2007-05-28 03:12:10 · answer #10 · answered by SL_SF 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋