How do you deal with a Father who is ALWAYS playing money mind games with YOU?

Question

You know, dangling carrots in your face about constant talk of "his will" as a way of manipulating you to stay in his life somehow, even though he's always been quite mentally & emotionally abusive toward you on some level(s) throughout the years?
Did you ever tell him to just shove the GD money up his GDF AH? and to just leave you the hell alone?
Especially when he ONLY talks about his will most of the time, and to top it off admitted his wife is to get everything and "after she dies" it will be distributed (like he's giving you opposite voluntary answers--even tho you'd rather not even discuss it!!)
oh and BTW his wife is already a millionaire
OMG!! Just don't want to talk to them EVER AGAIN! sick of all the headgames man.
well anyways, is there someone like an old parent who's always playing financial headgames w/you? how did YOU deal with it?!?!
thx

"christel" I have NEVER "received $ from the man", where in the world did you get the idea that I don't work, lol?
I am merely asking a question to those who experience how SOMEONE may relate in a specific way towards them, and how they've dealt with it. that's it.

Yeah, he keeps trying to MANIPULATE Me into thinking as he does and he gets ANNOYED and ANGRY I sense, because I DON'T think like him AT ALL!! NEVER HAVE, and NEVER WILL!! He's always lived only for $$$$, checks his stocks everyday, tries to get me into stocks, talks about his will all the time, I already TOLD him to knock it off, he is very stubborn and pretends like he doesn't hear me, will sometimes take a break from it and then starts back up again. I really told him that all I wanted from his was TIME (as a hint also that I don;'t CARE about his money) plus I told him that during any holiday,just to donate to someone or something in my name, coz I have everything i need already. His behavior makes me never want to speak to him again.

"thing550" GREEEEEEEEEAT ANSWER"
I KNOW it's easier said than done, but must do. MUST must MUST do. period.

oh and yes, his whole middle name is being abusive with money, VERY abusive, sadly :-( it really hurts too. It has hurt like hell in the past. His wife is exactly the same way. BUt peace and freedom, happiness, just being freeeeeeee, is priceless. you just cannot put a price tag w/some things in life. Especially stuff that is already free anyway, or that you develop for yourself, you know.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear that a father could ever do this to his own flesh and blood. The bible even tells parents not to provoke their children to wrath. Your father has a lot of answering to do some day. But, that is between God and your dad. For now it seems that those "carrots" may be a big thing to you?.. that you are afraid he will follow through with his threat(s) because those carrots do mean a lot to you? If that is true, this problem will never be solved. He's got you. But, if you don't care about those "carrots", then walk away. Smile at your father and tell him that you are so thankful that he loves his wife the way he does because so many wives aren't loved. If you do want those "carrots" then only you know your father. There is no one out here that can help you. Only you know him enough to figure out a way to make him think you don't care. He sees that you want it maybe? And because he sees it, he knows you well enough to get to you. So, you'll just have to figure him out. But, head games are a terrible thing. Keep things real and honest. Don't show how hurt your heart is. Just show love. Just show how grateful you are that he is your father. Just show that you are thankful that he takes care of you in the best way he knows how. Thank him for everything. A soft answer, a kind and loving face, a gentle spirit may, and should, turn away those threats. Keep us all posted on how you are doing and we all will be thinking of you..

Answer 2

Know exactly what you are talking about. Been there, done that, as they say. And the answer is ... YES, tell him ~ politely but firmly, that his money is his business NOT yours.

Let him know you don't expect to get a cent when he goes, and if you do or don't you could not care less because you have your own life and can look after yourself.

You could also say that you come to see him for a pleasant visit, and if you want to talk about finance, you could go to your accountant. Make a little joke of it (not hilarious, just a smile), then change the subject very defintely to something else ~ such as your favourite sports team, the weather, anything at all.

Whenever he raises the issue again, just say, well Dad that's up to you, it's not my concern, and change the subject. Just keep changing the subject and do not allow him to discuss it.

If he says he wants to discuss arrangements, let him talk but if he starts on the old blackmailing with money thing, just say, well Dad, we've talked about this before and you know how I feel, and change the subject.

The surprising thing is, he will actually respect you more for it (although he'll probably get angry at being thwarted). But people with money can always find someone to be nice to them, what they can't often find is someone who will be honest and doesn't care about their money.

It might be hard at first, but stick to your guns and you will get your way, he is old and probably thinks the only reason you visit is for his money.

Retain your dignity and independence and you will find that you feel better, and he will respect you for it.

Could it cause a break in your relationship ~ yes, I'm afraid it could, especially if he uses his money to be abusive. You have to decide if swallowing your pride is worth the money. That's your decision and I would never judge anyone for that ~ sometimes money can be the only thing that will make a difference, other times you can get along on your own. That's the decision you need to make. I'm just saying what worked for me.

I went through this exact same thing with a relative, very similar, even the abusive and controlling stuff (not my father), and now we have a good relationship. I don't know if they'll leave me a red cent, and don't care, so we can talk about anything and everything and have a joke or two, where other family members are too scred to speak out. We never discuss money and some time ago I said 'no thanks' to a loan which was offered, so he's still trying, but bad luck. He can't buy me.

Better poor and dignified than rich and indebted, imo.

Answer 3

You get a job. You stop accepting money from him. You pay your half of the lunch bill. You politely tell him that you would rather not discuss finances with him right now. Cut the strings of dependence and grow up. Act like the adult you are. The relationship matters. Money is just money. You leave it behind when you die anyway. Look higher.

Answer 4

Personally I think that women that keep their children from their fathers are B!OTCHES. The only reasons the children should not see the father is if he is in jail, murder, rapist, drug dealer or does drugs. Other than that it is the childs birth right to see their father. Reguardless of how the mother feels about her ex or even the ex's new g/f or wife children need their father. A father is just as important in a childs development as the mother is.

Answer 5

Accumulate your own money. Yeah, it's tougher than trying to hit all of dad's hoops but in the end, if doesn't have this as a hook he can't use it on you.

Answer 6

I'd tell him that I don't care at all about his money
In fact, if you really want to mess him up, tell him that when he dies nothing will matter to you anymore - or something equally mushy
but i wouldnt do that. id just be like "i dont care. stop bothering me with that."

:)

Answer 7

I got a job!!! There are plenty of part-time jobs, unless you think that you are too good to earn your own money.

Answer 8

Tell them to get stuffed. What the hell do you care? get your own empire and have them killed

Answer 9

See him as little as possible. Be polite when you see him. Remember he will not change...