My girlfriend has been cheating on me since last September. It was never more than a time or two, with several different guys. She said the reason was she thought I didn't want to be with her, so instead of talking she was *******. We have talked about it, and she regrets it terribly. She doesn't want to lose me. At this moment she is "dating" another guy. The only reason she is still letting him think they're dating is because he hasn't done anything wrong and she doesn't want to hurt him. She's made it abundantly clear that she wants to stay with me, and for some strange and stupid reason I want to give her a chance. I'm not perfect, we've had our fights, mostly because of me. But I always showed her my love and caring, I've never hit her or abused her. I know all the sayings, "Once a cheater, always a cheater.." etc, but what if she actually does change. Should I even consider giving a chance? We both want to fix things and stay together? Has anyone ever had this work?
2007-05-27 17:11:56 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's not about her cheating or whatever.
You now have an unremovable fear implanted in your mind that she can't be faithful. This is more powerful than anything because it won't matter if she does or not if you're always suspicious...
She sounds very insecure as do you (understandably). If you value your health and are fairly young, I would seriously recommend moving on. There's nothing but trouble with a girl who mananged to get with four guys before you even officially broke up. Think about it.
Franklin
2007-05-27 17:17:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents have been through this same situation, and my dad has relapsed several times. You can get back together with her, and you can make things work as much as possible, but the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" doesn't really apply here. She wasn't "once a cheater," by your analysis she was a cheater several times. It's completely up to you whether you think you truly love her and she loves you or not, but she will cheat again. You just have to ask yourself if you're going to be OK with that.
And when you say you've had your fights, and that they're "mostly" because of you, do you really believe that? Could it possibly be her making it SEEM like it's because of you? This is a good opportunity to step back and analyze your relationship in an objective manner. If she's not willing to "break up" with this other guy for fear of hurting him, yet says she wants to be with you, something's not right. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't.
All in all, it sounds like you deserve better, but no one can make this decision but you. Keep in mind though, you'll never be able to wholly trust her again. Ever.
2007-05-27 17:19:02 · answer #2 · answered by J B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she saw you as worth losing, period.
Dont turn it into a situation where its two weak people needing each other. Youre telling her, she can go f*** other men, have you know, and youll take her back. You've taught her how to treat you. She sees you as desperate, and weak. She'll never say it, but she has issues with being manipulative and shes messed up in the head. This will give her a bigger sense of "power" or "control"...bc isnt that what cheating is? you feel weak, or unhappy, whatever the situation is, you go out and try to fill SOMETHING. She got a lot of issues....but, so do you if you stay with her. Cant complain about it if you stay with her. Dont stay with her...shell do it again. Shes too messed up to "change".
2007-05-27 17:19:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a nice guy, but very naive. Ok, she has not cheated on you once or even twice, but four times and she is with someone else right now and trying to hook up with you? Do you see the pattern? Run as far away from this woman as you can and don't look back. Good luck.
2007-05-27 18:29:12 · answer #4 · answered by crazylady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better than that! Have some respect for yourself and find someone who will treat you good! She may say that she is sorry and she probably is but people don't change over night. If she didn't learn the lesson the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd time, she is not going to change now. Especially if she sees that you are going to stick around and put up with it. I know if I said to leave her, it's easier said than done and you obviously have feelings for her but people will treat you the way you let them treat you. If you keep hanging around, she is going to keep doing it. Once you move on and get over her, you will find someone so much better and wonder why you stuck around for this one so long.
Good luck! You deserve better!
2007-05-27 17:21:04 · answer #5 · answered by Jessica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stay apart for awhile. Find out if you really are in love, love means no cheating, if she cheats while you are apart the she never really loved you. It's okay to forgive but when the one you forgive continues doing what you forgave them for then they are not sorry and they enjoy what they are doing. I would suggest strongly that you end this relationship and if she prove's herself by not being around you then you can always get back together again
2007-05-27 18:26:24 · answer #6 · answered by Magical 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, this will not work out because I have gone out on my bf when we were broken up even. You will always hold this happening to you and her doing it to you, and both of u wont be able to have a normal relationship due to the past. It will be hard not to think of it. Me and my bf were together for 5 years, up until yesterday. The past always comes up for some reason. Good luck!!. I would move on and find another women that appreciates u for who u r. Good luck!!
2007-05-27 18:13:35 · answer #7 · answered by Bandice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously honey, dump the ho! If she has cheated 4 times, then that will turn into 40 times and you are too young and too good for her. If she regrets it so bad, then why is she dating someone else right now? Quit being a doormat, stand up for yourself, grow some balls, and leave her dumb a$$! Be a man and get yourself someone who WANTS to be with YOU! Good luck!
2007-05-27 17:16:08 · answer #8 · answered by Christy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no...this chick is using you. think about it. if she really and truly wanted to be with you and ONLY you, don't you think she'd be faithful? when you love someone you don't cheat on them with 4 different men in 8 months. you need to tell her she can stay with that guy she's seeing because she has no intention of keeping up with a monogomas relationship. it should be bringing up red flags when she hasn't told this other guy she wants to be with you. she's doing the same thing with this poor guy, that she did with you. dump her cheating @ss and find someone who wants to be faithful, and doesn't want anyone else other than you. you deserve to have someone like that....not your so called "girlfriend". remember that saying "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" she's using you, so do yourself a favor and lose the cheater.
2007-05-27 17:35:37 · answer #9 · answered by tweetybird37406 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should give it an honest try I. had the same thing happen to me. My husband and I both cheated and now we are closer than ever. I know it may sound strange but we are no longer cheating and are happy you might also try swinging the adult friend finder network worked 4 us.
2007-05-27 17:21:36 · answer #10 · answered by Stephani G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋