How do you cope when you miss someone so much it's hard to breathe?

Question

This person is alive, just not anywhere that I can reach her right now. Everything seems duller when she's not with me; it all feels a bit off, somehow. She cannot be here right now due to extenuating circumstances. I understand and accept this - but what to do when I miss her so much it becomes difficult to function? How do you all cope with missing a lover, a partner, a mate when you simply cannot be with them, at least not for awhile? She is all of these to me.

Please keep in mind that I am much more a homebody than anything else and going out to parties or clubs is just not my thing. I have friends, I do things, but every single thing pales in comparison to how I feel with her, how amazing she is, and how I wish we could be sharing these moments together. HELP! She is my heart.

(Yes, I know I'm lucky to have her at all. I ask because not getting to see her often just derails me sometimes. It's hard to function while I'm feeling so sad; it depletes my senses and grays my world).

You've all written such beautiful and comforting responses; I cannot pick just the one. I shall put it up to vote. Thank you all so very, very much.

Answer 1

I was going to try an be humourous and say something along the lines of get to the nearest oxygen cafe. But this doesn't seem to be the time or place.

I have been what you are going through and it will probably get worse before it starts getting better. Unfortunately there is not much that can be done apart from taking each day as it comes, making the most of it when you do get to see her, and hope that she is coping better than you are. It is a sad situation, but you will get through it and be all the stronger for it. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think the main thing is find yourself again, and remember the nice independence you had before you met him. I know how much it hurts to remember so I try to forget, I can't stand listening to a song that reminds me of him, I don't know how you do it. I wish I could get him completely out of my mind but it's hard, over time it will go away though. Another thing is we kind of took a few breaks in between so part of me feels like we will get back together again any day now but that's not the reality since he's going to college in another state. Just know it wasn't meant to be and one day the feelings for him will die down. There will be someone new to be excited about, not sad over.

Answer 3

Been there.

I guess, you just try your best.'

If you want a chance to keep her long term, you will have to find other interests tho. If you strive too hard for someone most of the time, you lose them.

So the more you REALLY want her, the more you need to have a life outside from her, which will provide you with experiences that she will learn from.

Sorrry that's just life. Its not easy at all. God have i been there.

Answer 4

I truly know how you fee, and I empathize with you. It's never easy to deal with a situation like this. At times, you do feel hopeless and overwhelmed. If it's my fault for running someone away from my life, my guilt consumes me and eats me alive, but I pray a lot in my quiet times. I take one day at a time, and if that doesn't work I take one hour at a time. I like to go out and try not to get myself into a loner position. That's the worst thing you could do. Get out with other friends or call someone on the phone or even IM someone that you connect with. Most everyone has been confronted with this issue. Try to reach out and talk it through with someone who will give you a sympathetic ear. Good luck and best wishes to you.

Answer 5

You run the phone bill up sky high and to hell with the consequences!
This may not be the same as a lover, but my Eldest daughter is going off to boarding school in a few months.....and i am already having panic attacks! We live in a rural community and going away to a good school is just not a debatable issue.... We are so close and i just don't know how i am going to cope without our closeness!
I hope you are back with your love soon.
Love and light
~*Ariel*~

Answer 6

First of all..wow..i wish someone would miss me that much..very poetic..sounds like your speaking from the heart and I feel for you..there is no other way to cope with missing someone other than just moving on one day at a time..i know how it feels to miss someone so much..yet feel hopeless to do anything about it..experiencing something wonderful and wanting to share it with her/him but knowing you can't..all i can say is share it with her/him in your own way..use her/him as your muse..your motivation someone who inspires you to do something and be reassured that just because that person in no longer with you a part of them is always there..

Answer 7

Missing Someone So Much

Answer 8

Ohhhh, my dear... I know how you feel... and I'm a homebody, too. Here's what you do....

When you feel like this... *just breathe,* put one foot in front of the other, and survive. If you can distract yourself for a while, that's winning. Otherwise, just make it through.

There is no magical thing to do. But you can make it!

Answer 9

It is hard, but turn your focus to things that you can affect. If there is a way to contact her, then do it and share your love with her that way. But then, in the place of patience, make your solitary life a tribute and dance that works by itself, i.e., "just do it." Keep your body and mind engaged in busy tasks, write, exercise, sing, garden, etc. and allow the love you feel (NOT the fear or abandonment, the inability to breathe-these are destructive) to inform your actions. When she returns, she will find an atmosphere that reflects your feelings for her, and she will feel at home again.

Answer 10

Talk to her as much as possible. On-line, on the phone or however. Write her letters. Write everything, how you feel, how you want and need her, how you miss her. Tell her all the things you want to do together. Pour your heart out. You never even have to let her read the letters if you don't want to. but it will help keep you connected.