Is life unfair or do we just have to accept and make the best of our life?

Question

I feel bad when I see others that are surrounded by family and are generally happy and content in life.

Its hard for me to restart my life after a divorce. I have to make friends and find a social support system.

Yet, my two sister-in-laws (ex-husband's sisters and my brothers wife) are married and raising a good family. They have husbands who take care of them and are "there" for them.

Answer 1

Yes, life is unfair in many ways. And while you may think that the grass is greener on the other side, or that others have it so much better, if you got a closer look, you'd probably find that these people have issues too.

Try not to compare yourself to others. Think of all the people who have it so much worse than you do and try to be as thankful as you can for what you've got.

Play the hand you've been dealt, take it one day at a time, and make the most of what you've got. Good luck.

Answer 2

It is hard to start again after a divorce. My wife left me after 17 yrs of marriage and the pain was more than I imagined was possible. I thought it was very unfair but fair or unfair is not the issue.

I have to take responsibility for my life. I was the one who chose this person to be my wife. I was ignorant about many things when I did that and would make a different decision if I knew what I know now. But how could I have known all that at the time.

I found it a great help to go to a separated and divorced support group. I got some good information there about the grieving and the rebuilding your life, process. It gave me hope to see some other people who were in the same place I was, some who were much better because their divorce was 1 year before, and others who were doing much better after 2 years.


When my wife left in June of 2000, I felt there was no longer a reason to live. Today, I'm glad she left and that I no longer have to live with her.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear about your divorce but give yourself some time to heal and move on. When I say give yourself some time, try not to let it be a long period of time (years). What age group are you? Do you live in a small town or a large city? I ask because you can possibly find a group of people your age group that is going through similar situation as you to talk, share stories etc. I like to share a brief story.

A female relative of mine became divorce with 2 teen children at the age of 44. Of course she was devastated for they had been married for 23 years. Her husband decided to leave her once the children was old enough for another woman. Of course she was hurt but she bounced back quickly. She lost weight and went to a hair salon and did a makeover (hair cut, makeup). She even sold the home they shared. She joined support groups, book clubs (a good way to meet and mingle with new people) and importantly took care of her children who was soon graduating from high school at that time. In other words she kept herself busy. Long story short, kids graduated from school, entered college, she found love a 2 years later (though she wasn't looking) and have been happily married for 7 years now. I share that story to let you know that there is life after a divorce. I wouldn't recommend that you just out into a relationship but start enjoying life whether you find a new love or not.

Answer 4

Mmmm, life is what you make it. If an individual chooses to sit around, analyze other people life and feel sorry for themselves, then life will not be so good for that person. Life does not stop after a divorce. This is an opportunity to live and enjoy life again. Yes, I could imagine you may get lonely but life goes on. As I read your post, you seem to feel sorry for yourself and may envy what your sister-in-laws have.
I suggest that you get out, keep inner and outer appearance up and do something you always wanted to do. Ever heard the saying "do you"? Well this is the time to "do you". Do something that you always wanted to do (a hobby, school, relocate to an area you like, etc.). Life is too short to sit around and feel down about yourself. Once all these things happens, other things will follow (including a new and true love). Good Luck.

Answer 5

just need to accept things the way they happen but god has a reason for everything that happens but don't give up on life think positive. It may seem like other people are happy but behind closed doors things are different. I have a sister-in-law( my husband's brother's wife). and they try to play some what of a act in front of other people and I know they are not the perfect people it drives me nuts but I have to think this way that I have my own life and should worry about what going on in my own home. Things will get better try to keep a positive attitude and things will go easier.

Answer 6

I know exactly what you're going through. My husband left me for someone else two years ago after a long mentally abusive marraige. Now he lives in a beautiful home with his fiance and their two children. I have three children and I am staying with my mom becuase he doesnt pay support. My friend met someone right after this happened to her and is now getting married. I dont even have time to think about dating with raising my kids and working full-time. I used to be so bitter towards my situation. Now as time has passed (it has been two years of this mess) I am so thankful and happy again. I have three kids. I am away from the person who brought me so much misery. I can finally do what I really want to in life. I thank God everyday for the blessings I have. I have recently started writing a novel (a lifelong dream). When you start to heal and your attitude changes (or vice versa) it magnifies the good in your life. You will get through this. Divorce is as hard as greiving over someone who has passed away. It is not the way marraige is supposed to turn out but sometimes it does. Just trust in God to get you through this perilis time and you will learn and grow into someone stronger than you ever imagined you could be. Remember that you you are not the first one this has happened to and others got through it ok. Your time will come.

Answer 7

Tell you a story that might help. My wife and I struggled with money problems several years, while her sister married a rich executive, moved to a nice suburb, put two kids in private school, and had it made. They invited us to their house at holiday time (because ours wasn't nice enough) and just had a great time. Then, suddenly, rich hubby has to have his space and leaves her. Now she's the one struggling, and all her rich house (that she can't afford) does is remind her of the affluence she'll never have again. Money has been tight for her for several years and she's slowly getting desperate. I'm not glad to see it, but it shows how fortunes can turn. Be patient. You won't be down forever. And they won't be up forever, if you take any pleasure in that. (But they should always be there for you, which can help when you're really down.) Don't be jealous of their success and happiness, more will come for you someday. Good luck.

Answer 8

You have to pick yourself up and start all over again.It does no good to be depressed.Life is exactly what you make it.
Do you work?If not,get out and find a job and make some new friends.
You have to start socializing and getting involved with friends and family.Volunteer or join a church or singles group.There are all knids of ways to get your life started over.
You may want to seek out a counsellor for some help.Someone you can talk to who will help you get over this and back into making yourself a good life.You can do it but you have to help yourself.
Divorce is very hard but you can move on and you can certainly be happy again.And one day,you will find someone who appreciates you and will be "there" for you too.
Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 9

Its both, Life is unfair, life sucks blah blah. But its what we do with that unfairness that differentiates us. As I like to say, when life throws u lemons, you make lemonade. Nothing worth having comes easy, and a good life is no acception.

Learn from the bad and take in the good, its the only way to be.

Answer 10

you are at a place right now that is hard and challenging. just look at it as a stepping stone to something better. thru this, you will definitely become a stronger person! it hurts a lot right now, but give it time and it will be better. i feel you and i hope being around "happier" things don't get you down. take care of yourself and focus on the future. i know the last thing you wanna hear is, "things will be alright". but trust me...one day it will. good luck.