if you had a chance to extinguish your step child(ren) from you life and keep your spouse would you???? why????...am i a bad person for thinking like this?
2007-05-27 12:46:02 · 17 answers · asked by ??? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think you're a bad person. I read your previous questions and one possibility is you may be going through post-partum depression. Taking care of a 4 month old baby and an 8 year old step-child is a handful. From the way you describe the step-child's mother, I suspect there is some of her influence there that makes the 8 year old a bit challenging.
The fact of the matter is, the step-children exist and if you want to continue the relationship you have with this man they will always be a part of your reality. You need help in finding ways to cope with your present situation. Talk to your doctor to see if s/he can refer you to a counselor who may be able to teach you some coping skills. You also may want to consider joining a support group of some kind. It would be helpful for you to have the support of women who are living with similar circumstances. Hang in there. You can do it.
2007-05-27 13:01:30 · answer #1 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
No, I would not. When I married my wife she had a son 6. I accepted him as my own and adopted him and the step parent and step child relationship disappeared. We functioned as a family with no discrimination between him and the girl and boy we had later. They all called me dad and that was that.
I think a lot of people go wrong in keeping the "Step" in the relationship. The idea of calling the step parent by a first name is also bad. The birth parent needs to make sure that the child understands that the spouse is a parent also and what the spouse says goes.
If the child is uncomfortable calling a step parent mom or mother, they can call her ma or mum. Same way with a father, they can call him pa or pop.
No, you are not a bad person for thinking like that, you just have a situation that is out of control.
2007-05-27 19:58:45 · answer #2 · answered by don n 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I had no probs. with my stepsons. It was their MOTHER that was a pain in my rear. All she cared about was MONEY, and could care less if the boys saw their father or not. I did have my moments when it was a little overwhelming, but overall it was a very positive experience. I also had the support of their father when it came to discipline, etc. Without his supporting my "step-mom-ness", it could have been a disaster. Good luck, I don't think you're a bad person. Sounds like ur very overwhelmed, maybe some family counseling would help. Again, the best of luck to you - it's not easy - hang in there! They will grow up eventually, and you will have your spouse to yourself again.
2007-05-27 19:54:04 · answer #3 · answered by gayle 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
No your not bad for thinking that. It is a very unappreciated job being a step parent. I have 4 and boy o boy have we been threw some bad ****! There are 2 in particular who have caused us both (my husband and I) nothing but trouble but the facts are they are his children and he loves them and I love him so I just have to stand back and let him do what he needs to do with them. They are older now 22 and 18 and we have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have gone threw all the crap under the sun!!!!!!!!!! Your not alone but you chose your husband and you knew he had children so you have to work out a way that it will work for you. If you get pissed off walk away. Learn how to cope. Good luck you will need it for the rest of your life.
And Gayle.....you will NEVER have your spouse all to yourself. You are forever a parent!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-05-27 19:55:14 · answer #4 · answered by karena k 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
i think your thoughts are out of line, however i am in the middle of a separation/ divorce and one of the factors besides my wife's infidelity was my 14 year old stepdaughter, she helped to sabotage my marriage, i would tell her something like do your chores or hit the books or get off the phone and do something around the house and she would say that i was not her father, and the mother never did anything to reinforce or back up what i told her, instead a had arguments with both of them and my life was miserable. i beleive if your husband gives you full support i think the relationship with your stepkid or kids will be better. my advice as a person who loves kids is during anger we say many things, that is why i think you used the word extinguish, when you deal with kids you need patience, love. understanding and a supportive partner, that is also why i think you are not a bad person because you are angry and i can relate to you on this, just be careful on what you say, it can be misinterpretated, i hope this helps and if you need anything else let me know i will be willing to help with advice and encouragement.
2007-05-27 20:11:55 · answer #5 · answered by joey 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I wouldn't extinguish the child...but the mother of the child is another story!!lol
2007-05-27 19:54:07 · answer #6 · answered by mom of two 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
um, no I don't think you are bad for that, I think you need to speak to your spouse about how you feel (don't use the word extinguish though). I know we (my sisters and I) gave our stepmother a really hard time the first two years they were married, and she would have only been human to wish she just had my dad, and not us
Don't worry, you are normal
2007-05-27 19:51:21 · answer #7 · answered by ♥ ♥ ♥ 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
This is why i do not advocate divorce except for adultery. I do not have any x wives or step children in my life and I wouldn't.
Marriage is tough enough without that baggage. Of course kids deserve both parents and they truely are the innocent victims, however it must be horrible to have to give up your weekends [or whatever] and even your hard earned $ to some other woman's kids, & from what I hear the kids don't always accept you. I would not even date a man if he had kids--our son is both of ours and
I don't have to hear of any past memories or experiences. I appreciate your candor and I hope you do mine.
2007-05-27 20:00:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I would not. But, if my husband ever felt strongly about giving up parental rights for whatever reason, I would stand by him.
I love my stepchildren. I do not know what your going through, but, please think long and hard before putting your spouse in a position to have to choose.
2007-05-27 19:53:38 · answer #9 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am only 13, but I would be pissed if I married a dude with kids. Little kids are usually better, cuz they can adjust, but older kids, like me are stubborn. At least, I am. But then, I wish I had different parents.
Maybe I'M a bad person for thinking like that, but I don't think you are. Nobody's perfect.
2007-05-27 19:56:12 · answer #10 · answered by . 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋