am i wrong or write about this?(advice needed)?

Question

my mother and i were discussing sex and the pressures assoicated with it. i some how stated that i had a guy tell me all he wanted was sex and that i immediately stopped talking to him. long story short she keeps trying to find out who this guy is and she won't let it go. so i told her that it's my business and that i don't feel like discussing it with her. am i obligated to tell her?

Answer 1

U did the right thing by not talking to him any further. Tell your mom that if she wants you to continue to be open with her, she has to trust your judgement on some things and not pressure you. She should be proud to have such a confident young woman as her daughter.

Answer 2

Wrong or right doesn't really enter into it as much as 'she's your mother and is going to worry about it if you don't tell her'. It is your business, not hers, but she still feels responsible for you and for your well-being. It's your call, but here's a couple thoughts (coming from me as a parent):
1. By releasing the teaser and then not following up with the movie, you've got her interest a whole lot more than just laying it out there at once would have done. Now it's not just interest, but also a contest of wills. As a practicing husband and father, I have to say that's a dangerous game to play with a woman; she can make you pay in ways you probably haven't imagined yet (but you will undoubtedly learn, to use against any men in your life later..)
2. Refuse to tell her this and she'll start assuming that you're hiding other things from her. Your life has just gotten waaaaay more complicated. Most girls learn that a policy of open, honest, straightforward selective candor is the best way to go. In other words, tell her everything about what you want her to know about without having it dragged out of you. Don't lie, don't drop these little teasers and then pull back, etc. That's for when you've got a boyfriend or husband you want to drive to the brink of insanity - it's not healthy to pull that on your mother, who's very likely been using those skills herself for longer than you've been alive.

Answer 3

Hmmmm. That's a tough question. You didn't say how old you (and the boy) are, so that makes it even tougher to answer. Your mother may be concerned that the boy is trying to pressure other girls into having sex, which is not a good thing. Depending on your age and the state you live in, it could be a felony if he succeeds. You did the right thing by cutting off your contact with him. Ask your mother why she is so anxious to know, since you are not hanging around him any longer. If you feel like other girls in your school are in danger from this guy, you may want to speak up, but otherwise, I wouldn't say you're obligated to tell his name. Just my opinion.

Answer 4

First of all, I want to compliment you on your maturity , how you handled the jerk who said he was only after sex, well done!! Now to the question about your mother, of course she is having a hard time letting it go, your her baby, and she wants to know who would talk to you like that, (you will still be "her baby") when you are 35, and have your own babies. It's great that you and your mother can discuss issues like sex, the next time she asks who the boy was, just remind her that you where mature enough and smart enough to avoid a guy like that, and so you are mature enough, not to name names, and politely ask her to drop the subject, because you already have.

Answer 5

you arent obligated to tell her, but maybe the way you said you didnt want to tell her was a little harsh. maybe you should tell her the reasons behind it...for example, if you told her about the guy because you wanted her to trust you to make the right choices, tell her so, but tell her that you dont feel comfortable telling her the guy's name and you have taken care of the situation yourself. also, you could reassure her by letting her know that if there was something that you couldnt handle alone, or something you needed her help on, the first person you would come to would be her...that would probably help her because she would know you are aware that she's there for you.

Answer 6

Its great that you are able to talk to your mum about this delicate subject and I believed that you handled it okay. You have told the guy where to go and that should be the end of it. However i do empathize with your mum as remember she was young once too and she is only looking out for you. Reassure her that you dealt with what could have been a very tricky situation in an adult manner and that its finished and ask her to drop it as its only causing you unnecessary anxiety and stress. good luck

Answer 7

No you are not obligated and she shouldn't pressure you to tell her who it was. Maybe you should point out to her how important it is to you to be able to speak honestly with her and to know you can talk to her about everything. Even if this isn't exactly true it will flatter her and she will stop pressuring you. Good luck dear.

Answer 8

No, you aren't obligated. It isn't her business. But in fairness to your mother, she is probably worried that this guy is up to no good (like a rape) and wants to take steps to protect you from him. That said, I think you should just tell her who it is. Your mom seems pretty cool so she probably won't overreact. And even if she does, she is doing it because she loves you.

Answer 9

I can't think of a reason that your Mom needs to know the name of the guy. She's out of line! People do a lot of talking and just because some hot to trot guy makes an off-the-wall comment, doesn't mean he's a total jerk. And you Mom does not need to know his name. The last thing you want is for your Mom to confront him. God bless.

Answer 10

I am guessing here, but your mom's persistence may be due to her having someone in mind that she thinks you still associate with. I would suggest the next time she brings it up that you ask her whyshe is still concerned and does she have someone in mind who she thinks said this to you?

Be patient with your mom. A mom that cares about what her child is exposed to out there is worth more than gold. Sometimes, from our perspective, it seems tough to bear their concern. She diapered you. And while it is your business, I can understand her concern. I think she still feels the threat of someone wanting to take advantage of you is out there and she may be worried you will give in to a guy's persistence.

Good luck..