I'm confused about whether or not to stay married.?

Question

My husband's parents dislike me and are always butting in, he can't accept that I'm an introvert, we are just about as opposite as two people can be. I don't know if I can deal with it anymore. I love him but why must I change everything I am to fit him?

Answer 1

If he loves you, you shouldn't have to change a thing you don't want to. If you love him, be willing to change if you feel it will make you happy.

Answer 2

I am confused as to why you married him. First of all you have to grow up and that means do not run away from this situation. You must have known you were opposites from the beginning. You stand your ground quietly but don't always back down. Tell people who butt in that you haven't finished what you were saying. It sounds like a nightmare. But if you don't see this through then you will always be giving up. Your man surely knew you were an introvert before he married you? What about your close friends, can they not help at least by talking it through with you?

Answer 3

Parents sometimes are an issue in a marriage,
and that is when the husband and wife need to
discuss those issues so that it will not intefere into
the marriage. Both parties need to realize that their
marriage is priority and everything else is secon-
dary. Have a talk with your husband and you say
you love him , so you owe it to yourself to try and
do anything to save your marriage. Your husband
also has to do his part towards you because if
two married people cannot come to an even
ground then the marriage will never work.

Answer 4

They say opposites attract! But if you love this guy, you have to tell him to tell his family to butt out of your problems. And how long have you two been married? Marriage is a two way street and when its new, you are both learning what you like and dislike about the person you married, that is where comprismise comes in. You have to give a little to get a little. If you love him and he loves you, you will work it out together.

Answer 5

Calling It Quits
Dr. Phil believes most people in America are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn't get a divorce, he says, until 1) you have turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of rehabilitation possible, and 2) you have no unfinished emotional business.


Have you gotten help for your marriage? Have you exhausted all avenues of putting your marriage back together? That means everything from reading books or going to a marriage counselor, to speaking to a clergy member and spending time focusing on you and your role in what's going on.

You need to ask yourself:


What was your marriage like when it worked?

When did it go wrong? Why?

Is what you're fighting about worth breaking up your marriage over?

What do you want?

What is it costing you to be in your relationship?

Are you willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work?

What are you doing to contaminate the relationship?

Divorce Readiness Test:



"You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce."



Do not make life-changing decisions in the midst of emotional turmoil. Such consequential decisions should not be made when tensions are high. Get on flat ground first so you can look at things more rationally.



Ask yourself:

Are you still in love with your spouse?
Are you hurt?
Are you scared?
Are you angry?
Are you confused?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, you've failed the test. This is not the time to make life-changing decisions. You have more work to do.

Answer 6

You won't be true to anybody if you can't be yourself first! If he can't accept you for who you are, then he shouldn't be married to you. Also, his parents have no business interfering with your relationship. It's his duty to put his marriage first and make them stop. If he won't stand up for you in this way, then he hasn't grown up yet. Part of being an adult is being independent of your parents. This should happen shortly after you turn 18. If you two grow to become different people who are no longer compatible, then separation is the way to go.

Answer 7

Remember the time when you decided to marry. In how many ways does it differ from how you feel now? What has brought about the change? And how long has it taken you to arrive at this point? Once you're able to honestly answer these questions, you may be able to make a decision.
Your answers will tell you, WHO you are...WHAT you choose for yourself.... Thus your own solution will surface.

Answer 8

Hi, I'm in the same position. We've been to counselling, been married for almost 4 years. But it is tortuous being in the same room with him. I am constantly scolded for not doing somethin 'the right way'. It has been a very difficult separation -- he's moved out 3 times before--I come home to his things gone or walk into him packing. I now know that this relationship is doomed. I have a rash that reappears when stressed . Before I met him I was never ill. Now I seem to get sick whenever he's around. I suggest to you to listen to the CD by Daniel Goleman: Social Inetlligence. He clearly allows you to understand what is a HEALTHY relationship-- the kind that nurtures, rather than tortures you, and the kind that is literally detrimental to your well-being. My answer to you after this experience I suffered with the man I married (I expected to be able to deal with, heal any disorder /conflict because I love him) is to NOT DEAL with it any more. Take back your SELF. I've noticed in my own self from all the discord, fighting, arguing, being misunderstood, etc.that I am very unhappy inside; my confidence covered, because it is an UN-HAPPY marriage it is useless to ME, my soul, my good nature. We need to be around people who build the relationship positively, who upllift us, who psychically support our view of life,not one who constantly undermines our good ideas, thoughts, intentions with incessant criticism, bad attitude, etc. Get away from this scourge in your life. Take hold of your SELF, and DIVE deeply inside . You'll ,like me, find the JOY again. It takes some time but you'll get glimpses of happiness, true happiness that is just in the BEING ALIVE. Our gift from creator to appreciate our existence. And, if ANYONE XXXXX that up -- don't screw him-- get away and be yourself. You are a success ! Keep the necessary distance until you are strongly confident again, in your own worth. Then you will be radiating this glow of SELFHOOD and GODHOOD and the person who is abletoreflect that goodness back to you will appear in your life. Till then carry on alone; persist in finding that JOY in your own life and eventually a more suitable mate will chance along,---by the GRACE. Enjoy your life. Find the things that make you happy-- hobbies you enjoy etc. Allow a space to occur SO that something else can happen. Right now-- he's taking up valuable space! God bless you. In writing you I am becoming more able to cope with the reality of a failed marriage. OK.
AH, this holy breath allows me to begin to heal, to begin to collect my thoughts, feelings and begin to see clearly. There is victory, which is a very good feeling to understand the sit. and have the internal power to not only cope with it but to make changes that will ultimately affect a better outcome for my life, namely, the ability to be happy. DON'T be around someone who continuously brings you down. That's my advice and experience.

Answer 9

A marriage is not 50 percent from one and 50 percent from the other...it is 100 and 100...if he is not hurting you physically or abusing you and he is faithful... try to work things out. He needs to distance himself from his family...you are his wife and you should be before his family...but you should put forth some effort to understand his feelings as well.

Answer 10

You guys need to take charge of ur marriage and put the parents in their place. If you love one another, there is no need to divorce. The grass isn't greener on the other side.

Answer 11

How long did you know him before you married him??

I suggest before you seek a divorce, you try marriage counseling to see if you two can come to an understanding.