Am I sexist? If you say yes, why?

Question

I answered a question a lady had about her husband's "sexist" behaviour(Don't anyone condemn me for the way I spell this; in Australia we spell it b-e-h-a-v-i-o-u-r) and my answer was at great variance with everyone else's. My stance is that I appreciate the differences between men and women and appreciate the fact that men and women are differently-abled. Women have the allotment of domestic life because that is where their inborn talents lie; I'm not saying every woman, but most. Also, I believe that serene domestic life is what most women long for. As much as the past is harangued for its treatment of women, it is also looked back upon with wistful nostalgia. Inversely, I believe each sex has its weaknesses; in particular I believe that men are weak when it comes to being faithful, that it is natural for men to have affairs, and that it is made out to be more of an issue than it needs to be. I have yet to be faithful and doubt I ever will; I accept it. Any thoughts?

Note: I am not some neanderthal; I have a university degree and am considered cosmopolitan and urbane.

To "Treasured Wife":
You frighten me....
I came to live in America some years back and I hope I don't ever run into you. I also hope that all the other American ladies I've made acquaintance with don't read your answer and come gunning for me.. :(

Answer 1

Jack what ever floats your boat and long as you are not hurting anyone Mate.. I say carry on after all it is your life...

Answer 2

I don't think you're a neanderthal or even really a sexist, but I think you have bosed on your question is what many people have, and that's a false sense of nostalgia regarding the past and the fixed notion of gender roles. I don't think it was a very "serene" home life that women had when they were caring for several children and handwashing piles of clothing. While men and women differ physically, I really don't think I woman is any better suited to working a washing machine, or a man more naturally suited to driving a car.

A couple of good books to read are Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage and More Work for Mother, both of which are historical refutations of this idea of the "good old days" which weren't really so good, didn't last for long, didn't come from inborn tendencies present across all cultures and centuries. It especially brings up notions of fidelity, and instances where women are as randy as wandering as men.

While not always used so, the "inborn tendency" argument has been used as an excuse for some really poor behavior.

Answer 3

You wrote:
I believe that men are weak when it comes to being faithful, that it is natural for men to have affairs, and that it is made out to be more of an issue than it needs to be

tell that to the broken hearted girls and women here on YA

You give men a bad name. Half the women here have been hurt by people such as yourself who think adultery or unfaithfulness is ok for men but pulverize your women if they do it. You stereotypically display an Aussie macho grasp of relationships and I will be interested to see what the women have to say in response. I do however agree that many working women would love to be home makers and my gal is and has been for a long time. I am a Colonial and spell it behaviour and I went to college. But the old chestnut about men sowing their wild oats and girls being sweet and virginal is hypocrisy because the women you have sex with are other men's wives or girlfriends, sisters or daughters. Yes you are sexist and the above is why.

Answer 4

You don't sound like a sexist. You sound like a realist. There are things that each gender is better able to do just by the nature of who and what we are (male and female). Equality seems to have pushed everyone into being overly sensitive to pointing out factual things related to what each sex has a better propensity for.

Your views may be on par with biology, but that would be assuming that biology is all we're talking about. Thought and decision play a part in the decisions we make no matter the inherent tendencies we all have. We all make decisions and we all have to live with them.

It has been shown that men women do seek providers and caregivers for children as opposed to men seeking women in numbers greater than one to bear their children to assure their genetic continuance into the next generation.

Some things and opinions, yeah, there's sexism involved, but it goes both ways. Women have affairs for varied reasons as well as men.

If you have decided and accepted for yourself that for you, monogamy and fidelity to one person is not the way you will live, and you're honest about that in your relationships (not promising fidelity with no intention of following through), then by all means, you should enjoy your life the way you see fit.

Answer 5

Well, to some degree perhaps. It depends on what woman is reading your response. Personally, I enjoy taking care of the home and raising kids. I would prefer to do this rather than go to work. However, there are women that actually have bigger dreams than I do and I feel that they should be given the fair chance to get a crack at fulfilling their dreams. If men are that susceptible to having affairs than they have no right to propose marriage to us with the understanding of all vows being kept.

Answer 6

Well that is indeed your opinion, and everyone is welcome to just that. In my whole adult life I have never felt "owed" to stay at home and wear my high heels while dusting my tables or doing my dishes. In fact, I have always worked very damn hard.
On marriage and infidelities, I would not stay with someone I knew for certain had cheated on me. Life is too short to waste on any man who thinks it is his natural right to have sex with whomever he wishes. Fraudulently marrying a woman under the grounds you promise to love and remain faithful to her all of your days, with no intention of honoring your promise reflects more not only are you a very self endulged cheater, but your word is not worth damn.
I feel badly for your wife who has to tolerate a husband who is all about what is best for him and not at all about her. It is a good thing the ladies in your country are accustomed to the poor quality of husband selection there. Had you married a redneck woman from the USA, you would be a better man. Cause we do not tolerate such jackass behavior from our men. Had you been fortunate enough to marry some on like me, I would have kicked you so hard in the balls the first time you as much as looked in another womans direction, you would have lost any courage to take a second glance. Cause I would get your a.s.s.
And just so you know I am married to a great big man. Who most men would think twice about messing with. But, when it comes to our marriage, I have no fear of going head to toe with him. No, he is not abusive. There is no point. I have too much weapons training to let a man beat on me. But, the point is when someone gives me their word, they damn sure better honor it.
And for the record, you suck as both a man and a husband!

Answer 7

Forget that word 'sexist' yes women and men are different and I celebrate the differnces! Look around you--who [designed and] built the bridges? the railroads? the buildings? men that's who worked and sweated their youth away..but black-white, rich -poor-male -female--this is all orchestrated by big brother to make everyone not think of individuality, it's much deeper than we know, male/ female ??all to confuse , especially the very young, so they don't think in logical terms. This is designed to make the masses ready for control, first you strip them of their personal identity, American, Australian, African etc. still years to go for this-that is why marriage is being attacted lately. Be proud of who you are, you are a man don't be apologetic for what you know is right. However all adultery is sin. God knew it must be more 'natural' for men, because He said TO MEN; ''be content [or happy] with the wife of your youth'

Answer 8

While I agree with your first point that both sexes are differently-abled, that's where my agreement stops, and I can see how your viewpoint would offend most women. Just listen to what you're saying:

1) A woman's strength is her domestic prowess, so she should be happy to do the bulk of the housework.

2) A man's weakness is that he can't keep it in his pants, so a woman should just accept that as some sort of biological finality and not be bothered by it.

Wow dude, talking about letting us guys totally off the hook. If you can't be faithful, don't commit yourself to one woman in any way. But you can't say "I wanna be with you so you can clean my house but I'll go do any other woman I please because it's in my DNA". It sounds like you're trying to have your cake and eat it too.

Answer 9

You are not a sexist. You are a realist, and there's a big difference. A sexist is weak, and therefore has an agenda of trying to prop up his own self esteem by putting down the opposite sex. You simple see the differences between the sexes now and throughout history, and are willing to recognize them. If anyone accuses you of using a double standard, then they are in denial that there are differences between the sexes. That's not enlightened, it's ignorant. Many people are emotional, and feel bad about recognizing the things you see as reality. They are not objective. Stand your ground. Anybody who knows you will continue to appreciate you for who you are and will admire your principles.

Answer 10

It seems you like to use the excuse that you are a man to make it ok for your cheating..

you are sexist..
and part of the reason women make 70 cents on the dollar while men can take the whole damn dollar home.

what if these women were your daughter how would you feel then ..

Answer 11

Well i was with yah up until the faithful part. My husband has never cheated on me and yes i know that for a fact...so for u to say that men are weak and that its ok to have affairs its either plain to see that u arent married or you are just a very shitty husband.