when we were dating he was normal. it didnt last long. a couple months down the line he turned into a different person. he treats me like a dog. i love him but i dont know what to do. do you think i missed the signs or was he that good at covering it up?
2007-05-27 05:57:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Many abusers - and mass murderers - are very manipulative, which means they can be very charming. That is how they attract victims. Don't be fooled. Get out of the relationship while you can, but plan it well. There may be repercussions. Seek professional help. God be with you!
2007-05-27 06:01:53 · answer #1 · answered by cavassi 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I think both. I think you may have missed a couple of vague indicators because you may have been seeing what you wanted to see. The relationship was new and novel and it's flattering when someone you like shows an interest in you.
On the other hand, it takes time to truly get to know a person. Apparently, it's harder for him to conceal the darker aspects of his character now that you have had the chance to see him on different days and through different situations.
Get out while the getting out is good. Better now than later. Once certain lines are crossed, there's no way you can go back. His kind can erode away your self-esteem the longer you are with him.
He doesn't love you. If he did, he wouldn't even need to tell you that because it would clearly show.
2007-05-27 13:06:24 · answer #2 · answered by reeksofhoney 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He did not show any signs at the beginning because then he wouldn't get you. Guys like that show a facade to impress a girl and then you see the real person when now you are too involved. You didn't took enough time to get to know him before getting involve. I usually go by the "is too good to be true" when dating. Not that the guy have to be bad, but if its bad at the beginning you'll stay away. Now if its too good you tend to stay and that is when trouble begins.
2007-05-27 13:04:08 · answer #3 · answered by Demi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I expect he was abused and that this behaviour in him is 'learned' behaviour. Children mimc the adults around them - it is how we learn. If those adults do bad things, the child does not discriminate and simply takes it on-board with the rest. As we grow, hopefully we learn better ways....but for many this is not the case. His other personality will not stop until he faces the issues that brought it about. Sadly you are probably unable to help.
His problem behaviour will keep on occurring every time he is in a situation that calls for his 'learned' behaviour to kick in - and in an adult relationship, this will be often and you will bear the pain and scars. Your concern for him must be outweighed by your respect and love for yourself.
I wish you good decisions :)
Namaste,
Tina Louise
2007-05-27 13:13:19 · answer #4 · answered by tinalouise 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No he was not always an abuser, but will he always be an abuser yes!
People like this are fantastic at covering up the cracks in their personalities, but it never lasts long at all.
Do the best for you, get out!
2007-05-27 13:07:29 · answer #5 · answered by Andy D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most abusers reel you in first and wait until your in love and they feel secure then they become controlling manipulative and abusive. I mean come on would you have wanted him if he abused you in anyway in the beginning? They know this. That's why they wait. I have dealt with this situation my whole life. My mother tends to attract men like this. Its a horrible situation that I would never put myself in. Get out while you can because it always gets worse.
2007-05-27 13:06:02 · answer #6 · answered by Kari 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do you have the time to get into it?There may be things that trigger his insecurities,that could have nothing to do with you. Ask yourself this,how much has this affected my life.Will this be a problem if we ever have children.Look to the future and you may have the answer.Also a little check into his past girlfriends ,may help.Ask them ,how they were treated ,by him....
2007-05-27 13:11:59 · answer #7 · answered by Rather be dead than red... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
two sides to every story. we should hear his too. better yet nobody here knows either of you so how can anyone assume that what your saying is true. maybe you need and answer to make you feel better. do what you think not what a total stranger tells you.
2007-05-27 13:07:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He was good at covering up. Leave. Now.
2007-05-27 13:05:43 · answer #9 · answered by lurkingonthirtyfourthstreet 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Probably he realised he could control you and knew you wouldn't snitch if he abused so he abused his power.
So he was good at covering it up.
2007-05-27 13:02:16 · answer #10 · answered by Core 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋