My husband likes to bring up stuff about my past. Things that happened before we even started dating. He sometimes calls me out of my name because of the fact that I had a life before he came along. But he was also in a relationship with someone when we met. He also loves to down talk me in front of others, especially his mother. He makes me look like the bad guy and likes to tell all of our business to other people, whether it's his family or mine. When I asked him about this, he says its because he needs a "jury" around so that he can get other peoples opinion about our personal problems. And he has to be right about everything or a small discussion will turn into a huge argument until he has been proven right about something. It doesn't matter what it is just as long as hes right. He thinks that women have a place and we have been getting away with too much! He can stay out as long as he pleases, but the one time I go out for 2 hours, he's pissed. What is this about?
2007-05-27 05:47:49 · 28 answers · asked by anea 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Control. Control. Control. He sounds like a manipulative person, because you can be sure when he airing your problems out in the open for the entire world to see, he's not telling the story as it happened, but more to his favor. Furthermore, the demeaning names he's calling you are unfair to you and really rather abusive (because he feels you're no better now than you were in the past). When a man feels he is always right about everything and uses words and bad talk to get his way, there is something seriously wrong with the relationship.
Don't put up with it! The next time he goes to call you something, ask him if that makes him feel like a big man. Ask him why he has to resort to being unkind in order to win an argument. Let him know you will not stand for it. You do not have the same lifestyle that you did at the beginning of your relationship and you should not be treated as such. Furthermore, your personal problems with your husband are YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS!!!! He should not be telling anyone who'll listen. Tell him to keep it to himself or there will be trouble between you. And stay by it!
In October, I left my husband of 10 years for doing the same thing to me. I'm telling you from experience that if you don't get a handle on this now, things will get worse. He will expect you to back down from arguments. He can't think for himself, so he has to talk around and make you look as bad as possible so that people will agree with him. My husband did the same thing. This is hurtful. Hurtful to you emotionally, hurtful to your relationship trusting-wise, and hurtful to him because he's falsely allowing himself to believe he can do no wrong.
Suggest that you get into counselling and start working on this right away, but don't let it slide. The longer it slides, the more control over you he will have. Oh - and I wouldn't say he's sexist, but I would say he's a pig...a controlling jerk. While I'm sure there's wonderful things about him, he has a severe ego thing going that will cost you your relationship if he's not stopped! Good luck!
2007-05-27 05:58:24 · answer #1 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes your husband is a sexist,but more importantly what are your underlying problems that would possess you to stay with him. Please dont say kids unless you want more little pigs or beat down young ladies running around. Sounds to me as the core problem is your own self esteem .You need to get as far away as fast as you can. Ask your family for their help and i bet you wont beleive how quickly they respond. As for the next guy in your life i would leave out the harsh details of the last fool you were with, it helps noone to beat someone else down. Good luck and dont look back!
2007-05-27 06:04:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He definitely has a controlling disorder. It appears that he does not feel that women are equal to him. He has a trust issue feeling that women are weak and he has to prove that to you by getting others to agree with him. He builds himself up at the expense of putting you down and seems to have a very arrogant personality. He has some very serious issues with where he feels women have a certain place in life and i believe he thinks he is living in the dark ages. he is a sexist and I would get some marriage counseling with him sweetie.
2007-05-27 06:03:39 · answer #3 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not a sexist, he's an immature jerk. You should divorce him and find someone who actually respects you. Your personal problems should stay that way, he shouldn't talk down to you, and should learn to be able to be wrong. He has a personality disorder that is not likely to be easily fixed and if I were you, I wouldn't put in the time or emotional energy for someone like him.
2007-05-27 07:24:32 · answer #4 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is this? You are married to a very cruel and mean man who loves to lord over you. All I can say is if you stay with that asshole, you will never be love, respected, or treated well. Don't even try to lump happy in there because he could care less if you ever are. You survived before you met him and you can survive after. So, grant his wish to have a jury and slap his stupid, bullying a.s.s. with papers!!
2007-05-27 06:51:26 · answer #5 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is trying to tell everyone what you are doing wrong, it's for one of two reasons. Either he wants you to look like the bad girl and for him to look like the victim; or 2, He's trying to alienate those people from you. It sounds like he wants total control if you aren't allowed out and he is. I am going to guess that at the same time he is talking you down to others, he is also beating down your self-esteem. It's control and trying to isolate you from those who are close to you. This is only going to be the beginning, it's gonna get worse. You need to get help before you feel worthless and are completely alone. Good luck.
2007-05-27 05:58:08 · answer #6 · answered by spillin paint 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when I read your question, I felt like you had lived my life. I feel so bad for you because my life is very, very much like a carbon copy of yours. How can you deal with it day after day? I was lucky in one thing, I did not marry him. But was so stupid for staying with him for 5 yrs. I had left him 3 times and was stupid for going back every time.He always had to know who I was talking to on the phone, where I was going, what to tell my children if I was talking about us. We were both junk food junkys and we both put on some weight. But is was okay for him, but totally unacceptable for me. he lost all interest in me. the only time he would have sex with me is when he needed it. after rejecting my advances so many times and the way he was treating me, I packed my things and left him for good. It's one yr. this month. He still calls me and figures I'd be back to him again once I started getting lonely. NOT IN A MILLION YEARS !!!! he also thought everything he said was right.I felt like I was some kind of experiment for him. He will never hurt mr again, that's for sure.
2007-05-27 07:32:49 · answer #7 · answered by chercinbob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is about you thinking long and hard if you want to really
stay in this marriage. You husband sounds like he's 10 years
old. I don't know if you want children, but you're stuck with
one now. His behavior is so outrageous that I suggest
marriage and family counselling for him or perhaps both
of you if you have the stamina and the love for it. Big problem.
2007-05-27 06:02:56 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he is controling, jealous and abusing your mentally. Next tiem you are around his family or friends and he starts down playing you say this" Well at least I'm not teh reason we don't have sex, seeing as you can't stay up for the deed" Bet that will get tongues flapping. But it's not been old fashion neither he wants to control what you do and if you don't do what he says he will get angry.
2007-05-27 05:57:13 · answer #9 · answered by Always ready for anything 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a typical "macho culture behaviour".Only shows that he is an immature man.Macho behaviour (he believes he is the boss and you are his slave),does not fit,does not work anymore in this century 21 (in the present era,year 2007).Macho behaviour only mean that men can do anything they want,but women are only slaves,sexual objects,never humans beings with feelings and rights.You need to talk with him seriously,or get marriage's counselling (both).If he has that macho mentality,he never will change that attitude.Good luck.
2007-05-27 06:24:19 · answer #10 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋