Should I stay or should I go?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now. We have a 4 year old together and both love her very much. I am just not in love anymore, I don't know if I ever truly was. I met him when I was 14, way too young to be in love or not, had a baby at 16 still way too young, and now that I'm 21, still young I know, but old enough to know this isn't the man I want to be with forever, He is a great man, loving father and nothing is wrong with him. I just know I don't truly love him and couldn't spend the rest of my life with him. I also feel that I maybe should stay becuase of the child. If I moved it would be about 1 1/2 hours away, back to my home town, and I want to do whats best for our daughter, but I don't want to stay in a loveless relationship. Any advise would truly be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer 1

You're free, and 21! Do what is best for you! Your child will be fine, because if he is the man you say he is, he will always be a part of her life! Good Luck!

Answer 2

First off, talk to a lawyer before you do anything. Then put into action your plan that you make per the lawyer's advice. Since you have a daughter, you will need to have a custody plan in mind. Are you ready to deal with her going out of town a couple times a week with her father? Are you ready to meet him halfway for such exchanges?

I assume you will move back with family until you are on your own again. Say as little to as few people as possible so as to not upset the cart and cause him to get the upper hand. If the move means you leave everything to the guy, do it anyways. Material things can be replaced.

Now, go back and look at your question. You neglected to mention HOW old the guy is. First off, if you were having a baby at 16, he committed statutory rape of a minor. The law says you are NOT old enough to make such decisions as taking care of yourself, driving, living on your own and voting, let alone having sex.

Does he take responsibility for you besides the financial aspects? Did he choose to marry you and make her daughter a legal obligation? He's had enough time. The marriage license does not cost much. A civil ceremony is all you needed. Forget the idea of making it a big fancy event. I

Do you file your taxes together? Seven years together in some states amounts to a common law bond of "marriage" and produces other problems. As mentioned earlier, get a lawyer. If you don't know where to begin, go to your pastor but be expected to receive some flack about your choices (in the past, present and future).

Answer 3

It sounds like you really do love him. And given everything you said about him being a great man and so on, I don't see a reason to leave unless you guys are having a lot of problems. I think that you just didn't get a chance to see what is out there. You are still young and probably have a lot more partying to do and things like that. But these things come to an end. Family is forever. I think you should try and stay. Cause trust me, there is nothing out there. If you got a good man, keep him. You can still have fun and hang out, at least you know you have something to go home to.

Answer 4

Oh mine. You are so young. Why did u get attached so early? I was like u once, got attached at 15 but few weeks before my 21st, I realised that I was missing out on too much at this age and time is catching up. So I broke up with him, I had doubts if it was the right decision for a month or so. Slowly i realised it was the best thing I hav ever done for myself. The happiness, the joy, the fun I had for leaving him. I discovered myself all over again. Since u know that u don't love him, do him a favor and let someone else love him. Do yourself a favor and experience true love. It will be hard, but trust me, definately for the better. From experience with relationship, the next one is alwaays better.

Answer 5

Why do you say loveless? Does he love you? Have you told him how you feel? Why is it you don't love him, you never really say? If you leave who watches or gets the baby? Staying for the baby is not a complete reason, yes a child is better off with two parents BUT there are many single parent homes that have good kids. There is more to this story of yours, not sure what but you have to get down to the nitty gritty both with you and with a long conversation with him.

Answer 6

I agree with you about you being so young. At that age you are just finding out who you are and people change and drift apart in your teenage years. Yes, he is a great guy and yes he is a great father. But if you have no loving feelings for him in a romantic way, you would do both of you a favor to become GREAT friends and bring up your child together in 2 loving enviroments. Talk it over with him and do what is best for everyone involved. Communication is the answer!! Good luck.. Kiss Hug

Answer 7

This is not something to be rushed into.

Married people fall in and out of love all the time (I know you arent married but its effectively the same).

You need to be sure you feel this over a long period like 6 months or so,before making such a life changing decision, as it could be just a phase.

It will also affect the child dramatically if there is not a stable father around making up the family.

Answer 8

If you are not happy you should not be with him. You both can still be great parents to you daughter without being together. You should not stay together just for the sake of your child because it puts a great burden on the child. If you truely do not love him then you should go. You both can share parenting and everything that has to do with your daughter, and if you are both mature about it you can stay friends...but I would not stay in a loveless relationship...there is no reason for it. Good luck with everything.

Answer 9

I have been with my husband for seven years as well (married for 5), and I have been with him since I was 18. I have two children with my husband, and I don't feel anything towards him really, only my thing is that he is a very vindictive person. I wish I would have gotten out three or four years ago when I had the chance to live with my parents because now I regret it and it gets worse everyday. My advice to you is NEVER SETTLE!!!! You are worth getting exactly what you want, so don't sell yourself short. Respect yourself first and others will follow!

Answer 10

Ask yourself this question.... are you ready to confront the fact that there may not be someone better than him? You need to consider what would happen if there is not someone as good for you, and if you are willing to take the chance of getting into a relationship that may be horrible.

Are you prepared to take the chance that this may be the biggest mistake of your life? Being 21 is not all it's cracked up to be, even if you did marry at a young age. It sounds like you are not happy with your life, rather than your relationship. Change something about yourself-- as in go to college if you have not already. Do something positive for yourself and see what happens.

Answer 11

Too bad. You missed some of the most fun years of your life. But sweetie, you now have a child, and that kid ought to have easy access to her father. You need some counseling before you bail. I'm not at all sorry for you... there are bc pills even for girls (children, actually at 14) your age at any woman's center. But I do feel for your child. Do the world a favor and have no more children until you are at least 30.... but as suggested, get some counseling. You have more issues here than what you have written.