2007-05-27 01:38:22 · 27 answers · asked by jinxed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I divorced my cheating louse of a husband 18 years ago, after 16 1/2 years of marriage.
Even though I insisted that the divorce be kept friendly so that our two daughters could have as normal an upbringing as possible, I still HATED him for using me all those years.
I didn't take any kind of support. I let him take the good car that MY JOB had fully paid for. He took all his toys, the stereo, the big TV, the gaming systems, as well as his bar and equipment. He took the newest furniture, and the washer and dryer. And he went to live with my supposed "best friend" and sold most of those items off within a month. And he never offered a dime in child support, even when the divorce court awarded me $200 per month per child. I just worked harder at supporting all of us.
I too wished that he had just died. I spent years fantasizing about how he would "get his". I started dating three years on. Unfortunately, I found myself gravitating towards men that were a heck of a lot like him. My youngest daughter was the one who opened my eyes about this.
Finally, at about five years AD (after divorce), I was able to truly put him behind me. I had decided that I didn't need the emotional upset of being mad at him for past hurts, so I just learned to drop them out of my psyche. When I could think about him without getting angry, I knew I had won.
So, yes, there is light at the end of your particular tunnel. But you really do have to learn to just let every nasty thing he does to you slide off your back. Your continuing hate is only hurting your psyche--it doesn't even TOUCH him.
2007-05-27 01:59:37 · answer #1 · answered by Susie Q 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, When a relationship breaks up it is like a bereavement, i have had it said to me that it is harder for me because i don't know where my ex is, when they die at least they know where they are. To me it is hard for everyone, if the relationship has split up or if a death has occurred. You must try to move on, normally it should take 1-2years to get over a relationship breakdown it depends on the person. My husband left us nearly 5 years ago after 25 years married, i have not seen him since we were together from being 15 and went out for 7 years before we were married.It was so hard at first, but now yes i have to work longer hours to pay the bills, but i love my life i go on holiday and for short city breaks, as i look at it "What will be will be," at least i have no more stress from him. Try to get on with your life you can do it. Live life to the full, don't mope around thinking of someone who is just not worth it, i bet he dosent think of you, so why waste your time thinking and pining for him. Go out enjoy yourself.
2007-05-27 14:46:40 · answer #2 · answered by kevina p 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure w hat the problem is but if its been 3 yrs, they you need some help with the problem. Try counseling a few times before you make any final decisions. Make sure you are stable before you make any big decisions. Then if you can still not deal with whatever it is, I guess you have to end things. Good luck :)
2007-05-27 08:51:48 · answer #3 · answered by jms62394 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my take on this is that you have been hurt
maybe it was divorce or a failed relationship
and you know hes still about getting on with his life
and it would have been easier to accept and move on if he had died as you can deal with that as its final
maybe im wrong
but whatever the only one in pain is you so put it behind you and move forward
good luck!
2007-05-27 09:53:02 · answer #4 · answered by alfiegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must move on and cultivate new relationships. Getting out and meeting new people will help to ease the pain. Eventually you will meet someone who sparks your interest. It sounds like you also need help for your depression. Some counseling wouldn't hurt either. Check into it. good luck on your future. ;]
2007-05-27 08:43:18 · answer #5 · answered by diane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to feel like that then i would wish that i could die, but 32 years on we are both still alive and both have happy lives...it will get better, but i will take time..God Bless..
2007-05-29 11:47:58 · answer #6 · answered by Granny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your pain, but you need to stop the hate. Wishing someone dead is not healthy for you.
2007-05-27 08:47:00 · answer #7 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ypu need to talk this out with a therapist
long term storage of pain leads to the body getting ill
2007-05-31 03:48:55 · answer #8 · answered by ~*tigger*~ ** 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lord have mercy! You need to forgive this man for what he has done or rather forgive those male figures in your life that have hurt you. I don't know the full story but I know that you need to let go of this hurt before it destroys yo
Bless you.
2007-05-28 07:11:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really wish that how would you feel now if you heard that had happened
Move on make him feel bad & get on & be happy
2007-05-27 08:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋