i found messages the other day to an ex "sex buddy" b4 we even got together 4 years ago in his phone. some varying to have a good day, to hey beautful. i dont know what to do. he says they are just friends. the only time im not with him is when im at work so i dont know wtf to do. any advice? Oh and i wasnt "checking " up on him he had gotten a new phone a few weeks ago and i had never seen it b4. (hes in military and was here for leave)
2007-05-27 01:03:57 · 14 answers · asked by Cassie K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
there have been issues in the past. when i asked him when the last time he talked to her was, he said a few weeks ago...then he still gets messages saying "if you get a chance call me today" my interrpretation on that is she knows he has a gf and doensnt mind hiding the relationship....he says he loves me and that i have nothing to worry about.
2007-05-27 01:16:41 · update #1
If he's with you, he has no business communicating with an ex-sex buddy. I don't believe in the, 'we are just friends' line. When 2 people are in a relationship, they should not have an opposite sex 'friend' they chat with or meet with on the side. Sorry, that is the way I feel about that. Their communication only opens the door for them to flirt with each other and possibly get the inkling to have some secret sex. I think you should let him know that you are not open minded enough to feel comfortable with him talking with her or having her as a friend. You would like him to respect your feelings and stop that contact with her. If he loves YOU - and if she is truly nothing in his life - he will honor your request. Also, I don't have a problem snooping in a case where someone could potentially be doing something behind my back. I say, check his cell phone for his calls every so often when you get the chance to verify he is not talking with her anymore. (though he could potentially wipe the call out of his log).
2007-05-27 01:19:52 · answer #1 · answered by Annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she was just a "sex buddy" then why is he still keeping in touch 4 years later? That was either really amazing sex, or she meant more to him than just sex. At this point I'm really not sure what you can do about it. If you insist he not contact her, he'll likely say you're being paranoid and will just hide it better. I think the best you can do is tell him you're uncomfortable with the tone of some of the messages and ask him if you need to worry about this.
As for trusting him: Did you have any trust problems before? If you did not, then this by itself shouldn't change much. If you had trouble trusting him already, you should figure out why, and if you think you can trust him. Not about this, but just in general.
2007-05-27 01:12:40 · answer #2 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not entirely convinced about the "we're just friends" defence. But by the same token, let's give him the benefit of the doubt...
I think you should firstly prepare yourself (mentally) for the worst - just in case. This way, you will be able to handle whatever situation comes your way.
Secondly, approach him in a calm but reasonable manner. Don't sound too accusatory because he will just become dismissive or will tell you you're paranoid.
Tell him that you love him and therefore want to be in an honest relationship. Ask him why he is still in contact with his sex buddy and what kind of friendship they have. Basically what you should aim for is to try and get information out of him so that you can understand his circumstances better - in order for you to decide how to deal with things.
I don't know how you will be able to bring up the information that you already know (ie "hey beautiful") - will leave that up to you. But don't give him ultimatums and don't get angry. Try to open up the communication lines with him. Maybe he is just being there for a friend - but you won't know this until he's able to confide in you and doesn't fear you getting upset about it. Act like you're really reasonable, really understanding - show him that you won't be upset if they're genuinely friends. If he is doing something unfaithful, perhaps he might start feeling guilty about it.
Just try and get information out of him first, show him that he CAN talk to you without you becoming upset about. That way, you will be better equipped to make decisions about the relationship.
2007-05-27 03:20:00 · answer #3 · answered by Life 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wasn't sure I'd read that right, but I had...
He had got a new phone but had taken the trouble to transfer the text messages out of the old one onto the new one??
Please.
Suggest she comes over or you all go out for a drink-you'll have all the answers you need written all over his face.
If he's just being an egotistical pillock (which is probably the case) then you need to explain that as far as you're concerned it's cheating and outline the consequences of continuing his idiocy.
2007-05-27 01:50:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the trust flew out the door and window long ago.
this is not healthy you will drive yourself crazy snooping and wondering what he is doing, checking is phone for text messages. BOUNCE you dont need him there are some nice men out there let him be with her ..
Because if it was the past why wont he leave it in the past?
thats the problem with us women we will get rid of all our friends when we meet someone and it will continue like this ..but a man wont get rid of crap he wants both and thats crappy.
2007-05-27 01:26:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately Casie M ther are two sides to every story.
1: Your just being paranoid and it is as he says that they are just friends. Or
2: He is cheatung on you and can not be trusted.
Assuming this is a m/f relationship where is the commitment on his part. After all it's been four years. What is he waiting for a sign from GOD.
2007-05-27 01:23:00 · answer #6 · answered by Rascholonov 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to decide who is most important to him. If he really loves you, and you mean so much more to him, then he should have no problem getting rid of the girl, and she should be happy to step out of the picture and not interfere in his relationship. Put him to the test.
If he won't give her up, you should give him up, because you really don't have much of a relationship anyway.
2007-05-27 03:11:52 · answer #7 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is one thing to once in a while see your ex because they are in your circle of friends and you are just basically saying hi and being polite with them...
but to be in regular contact with them? And messages saying "hey beautiful????"
that is not appropriate, and you need to demand what it is you want.
2007-05-27 05:07:41 · answer #8 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, they are still friends! okay...now, let me get this straight here...she is an ex sex buddy, but, still a friend? uh huh...yeah, right
you need to wisen up and realize that men don't remain strictly friends with an ex sex buddy...
what is she doing with his number?
i would say that he has his cake and is eating it, too
the ball is in YOUR court...either tolerate it, or leave
2007-05-27 05:52:22 · answer #9 · answered by uranus2mars 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
plain and simple. this guy is cheating on you and lying to you. life is too short. kick him to the curb and meet someone who will appreciate you and what you have to offer. each day you put up with this man's BS just chips away your self-worth that much more.
2007-05-27 03:29:07 · answer #10 · answered by Mon-chu' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋