Sex is SO DIFFICULT with my husband?!?

Question

Okay my husband and I have been married for about a year and sex is just difficult sometimes. We love each other more than anything but he claims he 'can't' make love to me because he can't feel it... okay granted we have a 2 yr old son but still... It sounds funny to me. Sometimes the sex is so amazing I wish it would never end but then sometimes it's just like okay lets just nut and end it. Sometimes I am SO in the mood I wanna wake him up out of a dead sleep just to get some and sometimes I'll go weeks without even thinking about sex. I DO NOT understand what is going on?! We are WAYY too young to be having these problems 20 and 23 to be exact. So why is it that sex is changing and then changing back with us constantly? sometimes its great sometimes its not why is it not great ALL the time?! Can anyone shed some light on this for me PLEASE? Thanks

Answer 1

Lets take this one step at a time, okay?? Sex is always difficult!! Why?? to begin with, it's work!! However pleasureable. That being the case, the next step is, how can we make it pleasueable and not a chore?? First.....don't rush it!! In time your vagina will learn to accommodate him and he will feel more. Still that isn't the core issue and that is to pleasure each other, right?? Essentually, our biological bodies were more, just for procreation of the species, God made it loving and pleasureable.
God also gave you words and intelligence to work with and to be used to set your man on fire FOR YOU!! And always remember that is vice-versa, you are a part of this too. An equal Part!!
Tell him (for example) to wear those tight jeans you like him in, you can wear that naughty little something that he likes as well, come on now...he's your Husband!! Sight and textures, words and sound, use your imagination here. Tell him all the things he has always desired to hear from you and get him to do the same with you, be Honest. Above all things and in every situation, thank your Lord and Savior for Him and he like-wise for you!! It's always a nice thing to know that there are sweet little secrets that are only meant to be known.....between a Husband and his Wife.
In other words, say and do whatever will "Ring his bell" and then make sure that he does the same thing for you!! Be as close to each other as possible, where when someone looks at you, they can also see him and then the both of you together, everyone sees God in you!!

Answer 2

Life's responsibilities are taking the spontaneity out of your love life. So when one of you isn't quite in the mood for some reason, the sex isn't as good. And I'm sure there are times when you can't do it when you want to. And if he has a physical job and is tired, he might just not feel quite up to it. Age isn't really a factor for this because it's more about the arrangement of your lives than anything else. You're now married, with a child and sex just isn't at the top of the priority list any more.

Answer 3

Clarify "can't feel it". Is there a physical problem or is he just tired or otherwise occupied and can't get into the moment? Sexual relationships do change and that hot as a firecracker feeling we experience at the beginning of a relationship just doesn't last always and forever. There are things you can do to spice up your sex life. Check out some books and read up on the subject then, experiment with what is comfortable for both of you. Sex education isn't just for 5th graders. Married folks need a little Sex 101 from time to time too.

Answer 4

Having kids can change your sex life a lot, also work and other factors could be at play here. I am 29 and i have 2 children and my sex life now is a lot slower then it used to be, but we still find time to do it at least 2-3 times a week, and we enjoy it a lot, but we are not like 4 times a day anymore. Our kids and jobs keep us very busy, and trying to find time to get it on is hard sometimes because my children need me. So just take it slow and try some new stuff in the bedroom, just don't try and force it.

Answer 5

I know it's been 24 plus hours since you've posted this question, however, I'm doing a search on one of your answerer's and am trying to figure them out to help with a problem they are having. After reading their response I got interested in your question. To say that things are normal isn't going to give you a sigh of relief. You don't want to be normal, or warped, you just want a sense of stability. I was in your husbands shoes about ten years ago. Sex could be great, but, it could also be so boring, I would glance at the clock and wonder how long this is going to take. I took the chance and communicated this to my wife as your husband has done to you. My wife decided to come up with an answer. I just sort of dropped the issue and expected this was normal. We ended up trying a few things different. NOTHING TWISTED!!! We did different positions even if we were comfortable with one. We tried everything in the scope of normal sexual experimentation and what finally worked was not a technique but an attitude. We both focused on trying to make the other come to ecstasy first. Not a race or a competition (well maybe a little) but a focus on giving. This she relayed to me verbally and ever since then we never complain! I win allot, lol but it gives me pleasure to know she gets pleasure. This is going to take some research on your part to find different ways to make him climax!

Answer 6

My husband and I have been together since we were 18years old, we are now married 15years (so you can add things up and see we are in our early 30s now). At 18-20ish I have to admit, sex was really like a roller coaster. It wasn't that we didn't like it with each other, but we were still in our infancy stages of experimentation and getting to know each other's bodies (as well as our likes/dislikes). After having children I began to realize that I am not enjoying somethings and after spending hours in a hospital bed in pain delivering these children, I better frickin' get SOMETHING out of this process if I want to do it again! =) So I started telling my husband more opening what I wanted him to do and what I didn't like, etc. etc. And since we had children, we could not always PLAN to have a romantic sexual encounter, it was alot of the 'off the moments' and 'quickies' that kept us spiced up. All in all, in our 30s we find sex alot more desirable with each other because we can't always do it when we want OR where we want. We have to get creative with each other and tell each other our fantasies ... and knowing YOUR body and telling him (because men cannot read minds) is what makes a sexual relationship flourish with or without kids.

Answer 7

Maybe like he said he's not feeling it. If your son has friends see if he can stay over one night with a buddy ( don't tell the parent really why you want him stay with your son's friend). Has your husband been going through something lately. Is he OK at work ( if he dose work)? Just ask your self these simple questions.Please,please, don't take the the wrong way but dose your husband still think about his other girl friends and if so what dose he think about and how much and make in to one big soluation if you can and you'll be finedose he think of them. Just take bits of everybody's adive and see if you have the soluation you've been wanting.

Trust me,
You'll be fine! :)

Answer 8

Sounds like you guys need to spice things up a bit. Also your husband may have a lot on his mind. But everyone goes through a dry spell if you wanna spice it up by some wild goat from 711 and mix it with tea.

Answer 9

It sounds like he is just going threw a rut. He may feel a little board and need a little spice. Try doing something different. Mix it up a little.

Answer 10

well, he is either masturbating or having sex with someone else. either way is not good because it is not with you. talk openly about it with him. if he indicates that he is truly open to solutions, then choose some and work on them together. if he is not open to talking about it and resolving the problem, then part company and take care of yourself. there are many, many men out there that would love to have sex with you and love you.