My wife is nearly 40 and not worked for years?

Question

I have been married to her for 3 years now, She has 3 kids, 18,13,10, not worked for about 15 years i believe. Am i being so wrong as to insist that she now gets a job? I was self employed a while back and so we got tax credits, when i started my new job earning okay money, the tax credits continued cos she 'forgot' to tell them.. Obviously its a year on now time to renew and I am not lying on no form. She uses the money to get the shopping each week as all my wages pays for the bills at end of month. So when the credits stop, and we start paying them back, we not going to have any money for shopping, so I am insisting that she goes back to work, but I am being unreasonable here? all i want is for her to go and do some bloody work! any ideas what she could do or if you think i am being unreasonable.???

she has no qualifications, and the last job she had, (working in a kitchen at a school) she walked out of after 3 days, all i am suggesting is a part time thing.

have tried to talk to her about it before calmly, for the last 6 months, all i get is yeah yeah whatever....we'll see and a load of excuses...

oh and i DO help around the house as well, i work about 50 hours a week, get weekends off and all i do is work at home!

Answer 1

nah man , put her azz to work , sounds to me that she is use to mooching of her man . If , you can't make ends meet , you should defitnetly suggest she get a job if she want to continue living the life style she is was living before.

Answer 2

It sounds like she is afraid to go back to work after all this time; that's normal. It's a huge step for a woman who has put all her energies into child rearing to get a job; the world has moved on without her, new technologies have come in; there is a whole generation out there who have more experience and knowledge than she has.
The other thing is, she has been the boss in her own home for years, and it can be very, very hard to start taking orders from people again, especially from someone younger than you.
I have five kids aged between 31 and 15. I went back to work part-time when my fourth child was two. It was financial necessity too. I got some hours in a local shop evenings and weekends, when my husband was at home.
When my marriage broke up, I had to get something that paid a bit more, and I took a job in a local hospital, basic clerical work, just filing and taking phone messages. As courses became available in the hospital, I applied to do them to increase my skills base. Any way, nearly 14 years on, I am managing a whole clinic now. For a while, I only worked mornings, and took a part-time night job waitressing as well.
It has worked out well- but I had no choice. I'd like to have been at home more when my youngest was small.

Your wife's children are a good age too, no babies to worry about. I feel that everyone should contribute to the running of a household; we urge our kids to go out and get part-time work while they are still at school! Of course, you can't make her get a job, but since you will be struggling financially if she doesn't, it does seem like a good idea.

Could she take in a couple of children to mind at home?
Dose she sew or knit?
The only trouble is, that home based work tends to be very badly paid.
Part-time waitressing or bar work might suit her, and she might enjoy the social contact. All branches of Tescos are good for part-time work, and they are not too bad to work for.
Ideally, she will get a job where training is provided, and Tescos and their like will do that.
Focus on the positive side of going back to work; the extra money, the new social circle , the new skills. She is probably terrified.

Answer 3

I think you are being quite reasonable. I would understand if her condidance is lacking as it has been a very long time since she has been employed. But she has to take that first step. There are loads of jobs for unskilled people. She could start of doing voluntary work in a charity store perhaps, just to get her confidence back - a few hours a week. There is supermarket work either on the checkout or packing shelves. Any sort of retail shop would be worth contacting for work. Or she could advertise her services as an evening babysitter /cleaner/carer?

Answer 4

Are those your children too?If yes, you are being unreasonable by telling her to get out and do some bloody work. Full time stay at home mom isn't what you think that bloody easy! You work outside she works at home with your children. If no, those aren't you kids then you probably should tell him how you feel.

At her 40's without any young children to care, she should get a job and help out. You aren't being unreasonable but you can't make her to get a job, i guess as long as she isn't spending the money only on herself. After all, you are responsible to provide her living since she is your wife.

Answer 5

i think you need to talk to her. and by talk i do not mean you telling her what you want to happen but an actual conversation. maybe she wants to work, or has a good reason not too. keep in mind that since she has not worked for so long she will not get a decent job. likely she'll likely make no more than $10/hr. and maybe the work she does at home and time she saves the family is worth more than that an hour? especially after you count in the extra taxes you will pay.

but don't under value the work i'm sure she does do. by being home she makes it possible for your home to be clean, laundry washed, food prepared, garden maintained, kitchen stocked and countless other jobs. many of which if she wasn't doing you'd have to pay someone else to do or you would be doing in a rush w/o looking for sales and using coupons thereby costing you more money.

Answer 6

Hi there, im a 46 yr old woman, on disability support pension. i couldnt wait to get some partime work when me kids were all at school. But ur wife needs to finds something, that makes her feel that she is making a differene, i know i did.
I work part time in a school as a teacher's aide, helping kids learn. It quite rewarding really, but thats me. Ask ur wife what would she really like to do? She could try at the local school, if she likes working with kids, but it doesnt matter, what she does, so long as she enjoys it. We wives spend so much time looking after family, we forget how to be our own person.
The money will come in handy, but hopefully she will find something she likes, and get paid for it as well.

Answer 7

After many years the thought of going back to work is a scary thought to be honest. i know this because it happen to me. my suggestion is this, why don't you suggest that she does voluntry work to get her confidence back. she will feel a bit nervous going back to work after all this time. I was out of work for years because i was at home looking after my children and then to get my confidence back and to get a reference, i did some voluntry for a few weeks. there is not stress or pressure and people are very nice and once she does that she will want to have a proper job. I then applied for a cleaning job for a few hours per day and then once i had my first wage after not having one for many years i wanted to do more work to buy more things for the house, kids and myself. now look at me i have a career in security and earning good money working full time over 40 hours per week. please try this idea it works good luck and let me know what happen if you want to.

Answer 8

That's a tragic story mate.

You need to get on top of this situation real quick.

You make sure your kids are fed and clothed but just tell her there is no spending money and no outings nor nothing until she gets herself out for a job.

You bet your life that if the situation was reversed she would be moaning and groaning.

You notice all the trendy left wing womens rights types of persons suddenly keep very quiet when this type of equality is mentioned

Answer 9

you are not being unreasonable BUT if she has not worked in so long she may feel she has no confidants
instead of shouting the odds sit and talk
she is more than lightly feeling low esteem a whole heap of factors need to be taken in to consideration
try and put your side to her over a nice meal there is no good going off the deep end and getting angry try and be more thought full i no it is hard and i no you may feel you are in the right but you have to try and be more in control of how you say things
i do hope this helps good luck
Respect
shaz

Answer 10

Any of the supermarkets are recruiting, a bakers, dry cleaners, she could be a home help for the social services, she could work in the school kitchens, { they get lots holidays }, she could be a school cleaner, there are lot of opportunities, she could go to the job centre to see whats on offer, look in the local paper.

Answer 11

part time work, ease herself back into the routine. few mornings a week.

Try to have some social with other working mums, so she is the odd one out, that way she might start thinking your way.

You do need to balance child care cost against he potential earnings.

Ignore all the your an evil guy of the other mums,sadly if mums want all the modern white goods in the kitchen, holidays then both parents need to work. Stay at home mums 40years did not expect a great life style and hand washed everything, hence no time to work.