My huspand and I separated a month ago I left him first but thats only because I thought I had no other choice and he didnt love me or I thought was putting his family first. Then he tells me he didnt see us ever working out because we didnt get along. However the week before that we got along great. Now hes giving me mixed messages he doesnt want anyone else or does he want me to be with anyone else, but yet he doesnt want us to get back together right now either help confused and heart broken!
2007-05-26 20:18:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Two wrongs don't make a right.I suggest you two sit down and identify the problems and find a resolution.Tell him,after all,you two are married,and two mature married individuals need to communicate once there is an obstacle.
If you and him were not married,then you both could go on a break.But,you two are married and you two have the responsibility of going over issues.
If he's confused,he needs to get his head together.Ask him what he really wants and let him know that you are not a toy and that you are his wife and you got the right to demand to discuss what goes on and how things can be resolved.
After all,never let a man put you down.If you think you were wrong,then tell him about your point of view and the reason why you left him.
In a way,I think you should have discussed before or talk about it before actually leaving.Also,the response above me is right as well,if he's saying that he never see you two working out but yet he doesn't want anyone else,he might be playing games with you.You need to keep your eyes open.If you two decide to have a conversation and he still tells you the same thing,I suggest for you to do what you got to do.
Good luck.
2007-05-26 20:26:44 · answer #1 · answered by Carol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you "turn to God" and use that as a crutch for dealing with problems, take a look at your feelings, thoughts and your actions.
What have you done, what has he done? Are these things you can truly forgive him for? Do you think he will truly forgive you?
After you've really truthfully come to terms with everything that has occurred, you can make a decision on how to proceed.
If you left (first), then he was definitely hurt by that. Were your feelings when you left justified, or do you think you were wrong? Do you think you will be happy and that you two can work through and past these problems into a stable nurturing relationship?
If he is giving you mixed messages, its likely because he too is mixed up emotionally. he misses you and what you had, and doesn't know if anything is there between you that can be salvaged.
If he is seeing other people, and doesn't want you to see other people, then he likely wants the choice to come back to you, but if he truly isn't looking elsewhere and wants you to avoid seeing other people too, he could be reaching out to see where you stand on reconciling and repairing the damage to the relationship.
It will take a lot of care and honesty if you both try, and you both have to be trying, otherwise, it will be pointless.
2007-05-27 03:44:07 · answer #2 · answered by lyricshade2003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You obviously left him feeling unloved and like anyone when they leave the marital home felt you had no choice but as it's brief and the reasons other than that are not founded he does'nt sound like he does love you.
I think sometimes when the marriage is in trouble they try ignore it but problems just don't go away unless they are faced. Perhaps he hasn't loved you for a while but not had the courtesy to tell you. He doesn't want you and the thought of you moving on and finding someone else cuts him like a knife in the guts but thats just selfish. He doesn't want you and doesn't want anyone else to have you.
You have 2 choices then, either work things out with him or have it out with him and tell him to leave well alone. if he doesn't love you then you will find someone that will.
2007-05-27 03:26:34 · answer #3 · answered by Scatty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he is saying to you is that he doesn't want YOU to go out and get laid or start another relationship. He is considering playing the field and wants to keep his options open. If he doesn't find anyone that meets his needs soon then he will consider coming back to you. But he will only come back to you if you haven't been with anyone else. Under NO circumstances should you put up with this. You are a human being, not some animal waiting to be adopted.
2007-05-27 03:24:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest reverse psychology. Ignore him. Don't call him, don't call around about him, don't see him. Give him the silent treatment, act like you don't care. Get busy, do other things. As long as you are needy he will control the situation. No matter how hard it is to not contact him, don't. You will be amazed how it turns the table on him. He will begin to wonder about you and he will come calling, it is guaranteed, works every time if you can hold out. It takes the power away from him and gives it to you. Believe it. It works.
2007-05-27 03:34:57 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any problem can be solved! Beleive me, any problem can be solved. The key is love. Figure out what love is. Do some research about love. Completly understand what love is. (sex is part of love, perhaps even main part of love. However love is not all about sex.)
I don't know if you have kids or not, but if you do have kids thats another reason why you should not split up.
I truly wish you a good luck.
2007-05-27 04:16:17 · answer #6 · answered by Ivan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the love is gone, then let it go. But if you think that you still have feelings for him and he has feelings for you, then seek professional help. There are marriage councelors in every state. I'm sure you can find one to help you.
I know it sounds like a lot of work and money to get a marriage councelor, but if you want to try to fix things, then you'll get one. No matter how much they cost.
You will not find good help on how to save your marriage on Yahoo Answers. Sorry.
Cheers
2007-05-27 03:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by Daft One 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmi saying he never thought you'd work out may have been a defense mechanism, a way for him to get over you, and not feel so hurt. I left my husband too, and when we tried to get back together, he was very distant from me, afraid I would hurt him again....give it time, and keep the communication lines open...and pray!
2007-05-27 03:22:33 · answer #8 · answered by vega_five 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow.. this is a hard one.. sometimes a person doesnt want to be wid you but cant stand to have someone else have you... or it could just be dat he realizes now wha you mean to him. best thing for you to do is just to just go wid da flow... if he truely wants u back for real.. you will know.. and if he dont.. well then your better off widout him.. theres no point in going back and forth wondering if he loves you and wants to work it out.. when you dont know for sure.. why put your heart out there.... if he wants you... he can come and earn you... IF dats still wha you want
2007-05-27 03:46:35 · answer #9 · answered by DiGGiE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he wants it both ways, having the advantages of being married but with none of the responsibility. Get rid of him, he isn't ready for marriage and trying to get him to commit will just cause you more heartache.
2007-05-27 03:22:52 · answer #10 · answered by lyllyan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋