If you are going through a seperation with your wife (she asked you to leave), but you aren't really sure if you are in love with her or just love her, would you rahter she: a) give you space to allow you to figure things out. b) still want her to be affectionate etc. as normal OR would "b" be considered putting pressure on you to make a decision? Help! How should I handle this? I don't want my marriage to dissolve. I will not be treated like a doormat, but I will give it everything I have. I also feel like maybe I should act like we were dating again, but then maybe he would think I wasn't being myself completely? Or that I was just doing it because of the situation we are in?? PLEASE HELP!
2007-05-26 19:09:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello,
I happen to be seeking seperation myself, just not there yet. I would rather she give me my space. Marriage is always worth saving, before seperation/divorce, which is the last resort.
I have kids involved, so I have to think about more than just my spouse. Not sure what your situation is.
With marriage, comes mutual respect and you don't deserve to be treated like a doormat (no way). Have you considered any marriage counceling? Some times it works, but other times, a professional can advise if the marriage is worth saving or not. Might want to consider that.
If you want to email me directly here on Yahoo, please feel free to do so. I'm open-minded and whatever you want to share or feedback you are looking for, i will be honest with you and we'll discuss.
Take care and good luck.
--Jay
2007-05-26 19:17:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY did you ask him to leave? I would give space for sure but you have some self respect I believe. And if there is a separation then things are not "as normal". It sounds like you already have given everything you have. But you must see the difference between being in love WITH each other. What is the difference between him being in love with you and just loving you? And if you asked him to leave how can you take him back to your bed? There is something missing from this equation. And using sex to get him back is not a terribly good idea because someone else could do that. What did he do to make you ask him to leave???
2007-05-27 07:12:36 · answer #2 · answered by pwwatson8888 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from experience, separation does not solve anything... most times it makes it worse.. are you the wife, and you told him to leave??? ask him to come back and get your relationship straight. how long have you been married?
misunderstandings happen in relationships... a little "I am sorry" and "I love you" goes a long way.
was this a little tiff, small argument over nothing, or was it a major relationship killer, like cheating, beating, lying, etc??
I was told once to make a decision by flipping a coin.. heads I do, and tails I do not... as the coin is flipping in the air, see what you want to come up... don't even look at the coin.. do what you wanted to do.. as if the coin came up like you wanted..
Sometimes your true feelings will come out with this little exercise!
2007-05-27 02:31:22 · answer #3 · answered by billy d 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll give you my experience:
1st time: Things were tough starting out and she threatened to leave. In the end, it was stress from money and the changes we went through adjusting to married life. Things were calm and good afterward.
2nd time: She threatened that it was over again. Again, it was stress and she apologized and things smoothed out.
It was nothing more than trying to manipulate at this point and it was a dirty way of trying to "control" the relationship.
3rd time: Again, trying to control and manipulate - She left. I was just supposed to accept it. I went to a lawyer taking her at her word and filed. She backed down and it took some time, but I was willing to reconcile and dropped the divorce proceedings.
4th time and last: More manipulating. She decided to leave. She told me it was over. I didn't argue. I looked at her and said, "you are right, it is over." Initially she was confused. Without me trying to keep "us" together, she lost control and the decision was no longer hers to make. We separated for 1 year and as soon as I could, I filed for divorce after the one year separation. Its been a year since that judgment was made and my life has been better without her in it.
We were together (married) for almost 16 years and we were best friends several years before that. I still love who she was but not who she is. I won't take her back under any circumstances.
Do not allow anyone to manipulate your feelings.You're going to have to decide what you can and can't live with and stick to your decision(s) once you have made them.
None of it is easy, but once you take decisive control of your situation, you will be better off no matter what choices you make.
2007-05-27 03:00:58 · answer #4 · answered by lyricshade2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd like some space but a timeline helps to take care of your and his lives. No sense letting this drag on forever. So back off a bit and let him think but don't feel bad after a while saying "Let's figure out where WE are headed."
2007-05-27 02:14:22 · answer #5 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question. if you want to end your marriage, then end it. Be civil but consistant in your message that it's over. If he doesn't make the move to end it. You end it.
2007-05-27 15:08:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
when i was seperated before i got divorced i needed time to myself to think clearley but i still divorced her. in.2003/
2007-05-27 02:51:16 · answer #7 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋