is it as bad as cheating when your fiancee lies?

Question

One day a year ago I went to visit my fiancee at his work(retail) and myself and my(his also) 2 year old daughter happened to walk up on him and his co worker/ school mate and she was rubbing his shoulder and giving him a puppy dog face/eyes pouting for him to do something for her, when she noticed us they seemed very surpirsed. I DIDNT see him flirt back with her, perhaps because we walked up.
I explained to him I thought this was inappropiate and it was obvious this woman liked him and that I wanted him to not associtate with her anymore.

Yesterday I found out that he had been having a class with her for the past 3 months, and he didnt tell me at all. We have even spoken about her and he didnt tell me. I then found out that on top of lying to me he also chose her, himself, as his study partner and had been hiding it from me!

I am furious, we share a3 yr old girl and a baby on the way..
should i be concerned about this?

I did talk to him and he explained he didnt tell me he was in the class with her because i would be upset..
i understand you cannot help who is in your class but i think he knew how i felt so why did he continue to communicate with this woman and hide it from me?

Also he didnt need to chose her to study with .. after he knew how i felt why did he do this?
He says its all about grades.. he is very smart and doesnt need her help it sounds like an excuse to continue on with her.

Answer 1

I've said it before and I'll say it again; men cheat, it's to be expected---and accepted.

Answer 2

I would be very concerned about this and he should have not withheld that important information from you. He knew how you felt when she was acting inappropriately toward him in the store because you told him so. You also asked him not to associate with her anymore and now he has taken her on as a study partner. Since he did not inform you about being in a class with her he is giving you every reason that he is hidding something about him and this woman. He is also giving you every reason that he might be cheating! I would also be very furious with him to. I would tell him the class is over and he can say good bye to his study partner or else! I would sit him down and ask him why he is doing this and what is he thinking. Tell him you do not like it and his contact with her is going to stop. You tell him that you do not appreciate him disrespecting you and putting stress on you like this and you will not put up with it. He needs to make a choice it is you or her sweetie.

Answer 3

Men don't always 'get' women, and the younger they are the worse it is, it is possible he was being deliberately decietful or just as possible he isn't interested in her and doesn't see why you think it's a problem, in which case no he wouldn't tell you he was in the class with her. It saves an arguement about something he probably can't fix. As for the study partner if it's a case of him not knowing anyone else there, it is a natural human response to want to work with someone you already know.

Take into consideration for yourself if you truly believe he would cheat, or if he's just a closed book, and talk to him calmy.

Answer 4

This is hard. first women do this stuff all the time, and think it is ok when they do it, but not when men do. second I have been through this, with my g/f. I worked with this women, and on some level I was flirting with her, but on another I wasn't. I knew it was flirting, but didnt' think the other women want to be with me, and my g/f saw it and I didn't. a few months later, My g/f and I broke up, and the "other women" was dating a friend of mine and I talked to her, and she told that at the time my g/f had been really upset by it, she was trying to get with me. I thought it was just harmless flirting, and it made me feel a little better about myself, but I didnt' think anything could come of it. The more my g/f got mad, the less likely I would tell her about it.

I would say it depends on the guy, if you think that he is worthy of your trust, then don't make a big deal about it but bring it up. If you don't think he is worthy of your trust, then you should be with him anyway.

Answer 5

Maybe he didn't flirt back, but she sure was comfortable, and she was permitted to feel comfortable. This much you know for a fact. You witnessed inappropriate behavior, and now know he has lied about different things with the same person you know he has been inappropriate with. Hmmmmmmmm, It sounds like this situation is past concern. I am curious to what his response was when you said you didn't want him to associate with her anymore. If he was defensive, you may as well leave. If he was accommodating, and understood your concerns and treated them with respect, then you may have a marriage worth working on. Good Luck...

Answer 6

It depends. It could be a case of flirting is fun. It has been awhile since you and he were in the flirting, dating, puppy dog eyes stage and you have to admit it is fun. He may see this a harmless and minor, but knows that you don't so hasn't mentioned her because it would cause a fight. And we all know how men like to avoid fights. Watch the situation very carefully but don't jump to any grand conclusions.

Answer 7

Most people end up having a "work wife/husband".. Usually just someone they can vent or relate to the most. But if he's going as far as hiding it from you or not bringing it up when you mention or ask there may be something there to raise a little red flag.

Lying can be just as bad as cheating.

(It sounds like from your added comments you know exactly what the answer should be. It's not right. He may have hid being in her class to keep you from being hurt, but he didn't need to CHOOSE her to be partners with).

It sounds like you already know best darling

Answer 8

I would be furious too. That is cheating. You already know it is. Believe your gut feelings. Question now is are you going to put up with it? He chose her to study with because he likes her too. He didn't tell you about it, because he knows it is wrong. He gets off on having 2 women interested in him. What a dog he is. But he isn't married to you, so he doesn't feel the commitment that he should feel.

Answer 9

no, it's not the same as cheating, but it's still lying.

If you are having these types of trust issues before getting married, then they will only amplify if you get married.

Get out of this relationship, move somewhere else...find somebody better. I know it's bad for the kids initially, but a bad marriage is worse.

Answer 10

Yes. You got to talk to him. But you don't need to take an extreme stand on this issue. There is still hope that he will understand his mistake, repent and be honest going forward. Good luck!

Answer 11

this is not elementary to have faith that the guy you like might lie and swear on the life of his very own unborn son yet he did. My husband swore on our son his very own mum and dad that he never cheated on me. not in basic terms did he cheat yet grow to be doing it for over 3 years how stupid do you think of i think. a pal of mine her husband certainly placed his hand on the bible and wore he never cheated properly of direction he did. it fairly is to all you ladies human beings obtainable who have faith on your guy whilst they say they never cheated if yet another woman is in touch then you definately can guess your candy A$$ he slept along with her. There are 2 techniques you could look at this. one million) he continues to be hurting for what you probably did and dishonest on you grow to be his way of having even and feeling vindicated. 2) He lied to you because of the fact he knew what he did grow to be incorrect and how plenty it might harm you by understanding the certainty. this is not purely him anyone who cheats will do or say what ever it takes for their companion to not discover out. i'm going to tell you which you will consistently remember about or perhaps forgive him for dishonest and worse of all mendacity on your face. this is been 12 years experience my husband cheated and that i haven't forgiven him and not in any respect will. Forgiveness to me means i'm telling him this is nice what he did. We have been married sixteen years whilst he did that. We did separate for 2 one million/2 years yet have been given back mutually it took me 7 long not elementary years just to stop questioning approximately it on a daily basis. that's what you may desire to watch for and with a newborn on the way i think so undesirable for you.i don't understand what harm extra the mendacity or dishonest.