I've a very jealous wife despite telling her for 22 years that she's beautiful & I love her. Can you help?

Question

Her insecurity is so great that I let her get plastic surgery to boost her self esteem. I've given her NO excuse to be this way. Even my friends notice it at social events. It's so unfair for a guy who has truly been a good husband. Parties are great! But when an attractive lady talks or is introduced to me,
I CRINGE! Any ideas?

Answer 1

If you are as True Blue as you say you are and YES I can belive you, my husband is too.
Then your wife shouldn't be so insacure.
What she see's in the mirror isn't what you see.
it's her own demons she dealing with.
All you can do is keep being supportive. and don't go to the parties without her, and keep her by yourslde, showing LOTS of ATTENTION...inotherwords, BABY her in PUBLIC.

Answer 2

You say she is jealous. Of what? Your job? Your friends? Your lifestyle? And you tell he she is beautiful. That is not the answer to the question. That is the answer to her saying "I'm ugly or do you think I am pretty". Neither relate to jealousy. Find out what she is jealous of and lose it. She needs a lot of attention. What do you do, buy her stuff? She needs to be appreciated. When did you last surprise her? You probably are a professional middle class guy with money and she feels insecure. make her feel secure. How? If you don't know how after 22 years of marriage maybe you don't know her. Maybe that is why she feels insecure because you don't really understand how she feels. Take time off and have a long chat with her - ask her to explain what she means. If she is deluded and her fears are unwarranted then go for some therapy. Is she 40 something? Starting to lose her looks? Some women get really emotionally insecure when they hit 40 - some do at 30. Try and get to know her better. You can't know her as well as you think you do or you would not have asked the question.

Answer 3

I won't say that this is all on you, I am sure some is her personality, but suggestions for you...

If you go to a lot of social events, maybe you can skip out on one, tell her you'd rather just be with her.
Maybe put your arm around her waist when being introduced to other women.
Don't take to long to introduce her in turn, make her part of the conversation as quickly as possible.
Find ways to show her, mkae sure she knows you are sincere when you tell her, eye contact is good.

I am willing to bet too, that plastic surgery was a mistake. Changing the shape of your body by artificial means is not going to give most women more self esteem, and may have sent the message (especially to a woman with jealousy & self esteem issues) that she needed it, and wasn't the way you wanted her to start with.

Answer 4

Hey man, she's either very insecure, or has a mental disorder, or she's projecting.

You mentioned that she is jealous...so jealous of you even being in the same room with another good looking woman that you cringe...right? Let me guess, she berates you and accuses you that you 'want that woman' or whatever. Right now, you're thinking that it may be because of how she thinks she looks...she's trying to impress you. Don't tell me, but let me guess, you are constantly expected to say how good she looks or that you love her...despite actually doing a lot of things for her and trying to not only say it, but also show her with your actions and nothing works. She still acts extremely jealous and accuses you.

Well, I've seen this before, several times and although she may have self esteem issues, my guess is that she's not trying to make herself feel better by getting plastic surgery to look better for you...I'd say she's trying to make herself feel better by looking good for everyone else. Other women to impress by looking better than them, and possibly to get attention from other men. Her self-image could be tied into how much attention she gets. So, in my experience of seeing friends go through this, she may be getting the attention she craves, elsewhere.

My friend finally found out that his wife (soon to be ex) was cheating on him...she was the same way...always accusing him of having a girlfriend, looking at other women...etc. When it was actually her that was doing the cheating and going out to 'get some' on the side. She projected everything bad she was doing onto him.

Of course, I may be wrong, but it may be something to verify. Especially if you've never given her reason to think that you're the type to cheat, and you've never cheated on her. Just a thought. Take Care and best of luck.

Answer 5

If, after 22 years of marriage, your spouse feels insecure,after all that you have done to support her, you cannot help her. If she is insecure and jealous, without cause , after more than two decades of marriage, she has let her fears control her and has wilfully rejected your life together.

FEARFUL WIFE! Do not let your insecurities pussy-whip your loving husband. Your insecurities are yours and yours alone. Do not alienate your husband.

Talk.

If you cannot, or will not, blame no-one but yourself.

If , however, your man is BS'ing me, and you, give him both barrels.

Whining Husband: Do me a great favor and show this post to her.

Answer 6

wow sounds like she might have some issues~ try to hold her hand during the social events to tell everyone that your with her, Kiss her on her head ,or when someone introduces an atttractive lady you might say and have you met my wife >>> Just some ideas Good Luck !! Your A Great Man!!!!

Answer 7

Stop lying to her after 22 years of marriage no woman is beautiful. she maybe beautiful for someone else but not to you. You love her and that replaces everything if she doesn't understand that then you are not doing something right. Remember you have to do it even if you don't want to close your eyes and imagine her as she was 22 years ago. I know sounds cruel but is either that or loose your marriage. You are the man.

Answer 8

try to do something special for her that she would not expect. like maybe buy her a rose and put on her pillow. when she shows her insecurities at a party at that moment just grab her and kiss her let her know that she is the only woman for you. if you show her everytime she feels this way eventually she will believe it. because telling her has not worked you have tried this for 22 yrs it is time to change your strategy.

Answer 9

Gosh, flattery is nice...but I think it's in the things u might do 4 her. Perhaps a portfolio of pics in the best setting would do. Things that bring her "beauty" out in the world of either fantasy, make believe or real life.
Be creative. travel to the beautiful sights of the area or world and put her in it.
Don't forget the fashion.

Answer 10

Take her out and make her feel special. It really works. Even a bouquet of flowers work.

If you do decide to go with the flowers, you can write these on the card:

Only something beautiful for my something beautiful
How did I ever get so lucky

Hope I helped. Best of luck