sorry for the caps... its just hard to come by answers for me.. idk why... and thanks for answering.
what do you think of this poem??
No title yet.
Rummaging through her things,
contemplating on what to take,
and what to leave behind.
A gun shot sounds through the black night,
such a loud, piercing sound.
Just the right thing to make her crack.
Falls hard onto the floor,
scooting herself into the corner,
the only source of peace.
Cradling her head in her knees,
her body starts to shake.
Quivering uncontrollably,
a water substance leaks,
from her mystic gray-blue eyes,
bathing her cheeks in tears.
Pushing her dark, course hair away,
she begins to search for it.
Almost becoming desperate,
finally, she finds it.
She feels the sharp edges over,
she found her own blade.
Setting it to her dry throat,
taking in her last breath,
and within a quick jerk of her arm,
she falls dead to the floor.
Corpse left to be only found,
to let her father know,
that he was just way too late,
that he should never had left,
that he should have been responsible,
that he should have just loved her.
2007-05-26 15:34:01 · 12 answers · asked by ? 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
nope, 100% emo free. Just a 14 year old girl with a decent imagination.
and, yea... its more of like a story. sorry about that. and whenever i use shorter words, ppl start complaining... they say that i need to make my vocab bigger adn crap.. to make me sound more mature...
2007-05-26 15:49:50 · update #1
JaJa, I love your poem. You are still evolving, so don't be so hard on yourself. Know that writing from the heart, whether it be of extreme happiness or the darkest despair is not going to appeal to everyone, however, as long as you're true to your art, your passion, someone will want to, need to hear what you have to say.
Don't stop ....
2007-05-27 00:59:16 · answer #1 · answered by shaynieb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The repitition at the end was good, but the rest seemed like you were simply telling a story. Maybe add some more literary techniques to it. Being a poem it needs to have some ambiguity in its meaning. So, spruce it up a bit and make the reader think about what you are trying to say. Not just flat out state the circumstances the character is facing.
2007-05-26 15:45:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a good poem, but the use of such larger words throughout the poem is unecessary because it makes you stop and try to pronounce them when really you want to read this with a flow, try to think of other words that mean the same, that can replace the big words that are shorter.
2007-05-26 15:42:19 · answer #3 · answered by funnyboy875 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
quite sad, poor girl took her life because Dad left and showed no love for her! In my opinion, that'd not be the best way "to let her father know,/that he was just way too late,that he should never had left." I shiver at the thought about the event. It'd be better talk to Dad. Loneliness can bring depressions and stress for teens but taking one's life does not help at all.
Good poem but I fear it can influence some teens that the gun would solve their problems!!
2007-05-26 16:42:14 · answer #4 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought of maybe leaning more toward stories and or plays?
2007-05-26 15:41:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it alot....it is really good. i write poetry too, would you be willing to read some of mine and tell me what you think?just email your responce if you want.
2007-05-26 16:05:09 · answer #6 · answered by rockandroll5556 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
damn that was some pretty deep stuff. keep on doin ur thang gurl
2007-05-26 19:02:11 · answer #7 · answered by nyasia1793 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very good, I think the name for it should be Searching.
Because she was searching for peace.
:)
2007-05-26 16:02:02 · answer #8 · answered by Kara P 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
wow thats scared me!
2007-05-27 00:31:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dang girl, you too violence, but have to admit i like it!
2007-05-26 16:23:55 · answer #10 · answered by ~ya holla bug~ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋