In marriage is it normal to question the relationship?

Question

I have been married for the past three years and we have kinown each other for almost eight years. Sincethe beginning there have been some great times but after the marriage the relationship has gone down hill fast. I have been tring to keep things going for the past few months but it is like I'm beating my head against the wall. Everyone around me keepsaying that I should hang in there but I am running out of patients. What should I do? Counseling has been suggested but she is refusing at this time. She states that she wants a break from the marriage. Once againwhat should I do?

Answer 1

Well, there really aren't enough details here for me to make a FULL judgement on this.

You didn't explain what the issues are in your marriage, and that can make a COMPLETE difference in our thoughts on this..

Some problems some couples just can't get past....but others....others are definitely worth fighting for.

I don't think that you should just give up. As I said, some things are worth fighting for....one of those being the person you vowed to spend the rest of your life with....you need to figure out WHY she so willingly gave up....and see if there is ANYTHING you can do to change her mind.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Dear Abby would say, "Ask yourself if you're better off with her or without her," and take the necessary action. What are your long term goals as a person? Do you have long-term goals with this other person together? It's not unusual at all for passion to cool down, and with the lucky couples hot romance matures into a cooler but richer love. But sometimes the spark dies and can't be rekindled no matter what you do, and if she's saying she wants a break, maybe you two should separate for a few months and see if she (and you) likes it better apart. Maybe you could be separate-living spouses or more distant friends. You don't mention children; if you have them, that complicates things and may mean you ought to stay together a while longer until they get to where they can understand. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

Answer 3

My husband and I have found it to be beneficial to discuss our relationship every week/two weeks or so. We sit down and talk about the things that annoy us or that we'd like changed. It sounds, though, that it would be difficult to do this. I have a friend, now in her 50s, who has changed a lot since she was first married and dazzled by the romance of being married. She had a lot of problems in her marriage and chose to stay with it. At one point she tried to get her husband to go to counseling, but he would not. In the end, she went to counseling alone and it has helped her to learn to deal and understand her husband, and, though they still have issues, they are still married and are trying hard.

What I'm trying to say here is: if she won't go to counseling with you, it wouldn't hurt to go alone. I'd try that for a while.

I hope things work out for you.

Answer 4

Married or not if you start questioning a relationship it starts having problems. It has been my past experiance. I don't see why she thinks a break in the marrage will help all that does is put even greater distance between you the only way to save a marrage is to come to gether as the couple you are and work out your problems the greater the distance the harder it is to get it back.

Answer 5

I've also been married 3 years, and as far as I can tell it's completely normal to question the relationship. I go through a "phase" every few years where I think I need to leave, or take a break, then I realize I'm being stupid. Give her space, because I know if my husband tries to smother me it just pushes me farther away.

Answer 6

I have been with my husband for 4 years and we are always committed but things do go hot and heavy to luke warm and then from being best friends to being just aggravated because we are in the same room. Tell her you are going away for a couple of days to think and do it. When you come home try to talk and come to a resolution. Does she want your life or not?

Honesty is the only thing that you can offer her and hopefully she will do the same for you......

Answer 7

It's totally normal. None of us can really tell you what to do b/c we don't know her side of the story. But here's an article from DrPhil.com. I think it can be really helpful.

Saving a Marriage

Couples who are trying to work their way back from a near-divorce are faced with the ultimate challenge. Rebuilding trust and infusing the partnership with love takes introspection, forgiveness and a lot of time and effort. Dr. Phil presents the following points for couples to consider when trying to heal a damaged relationship.

Homework: Write down what you need from your partner.
Dr. Phil asks couples to write down the 10 things that they would like to see more of (or less of) from their partner. This exercise can illuminate many of the misunderstandings that couples face.

What are you doing to contaminate your relationship?
Each partner carries emotional issues from the past into the current relationship. Be sure to examine what you are bringing into the dynamic as well as looking at what your partner is doing.

Have you built an emotional wall?
Many people have unconsciously built emotional walls that prevent them from truly becoming close with their friends and family. As you attempt to reconnect with your partner, be sure to ask yourself if you have blocked yourself off emotionally from the one you hope to be intimate with once again. And remember that you have to knock down your emotional wall — nobody can do it for you.

Make an effort to communicate from the heart.
When speaking to your partner, especially in a time of crisis, be sure that you are speaking from the heart and not simply saying the words that you think he or she wants to hear.

Ask yourselves if you've ever really met each other.
It is possible to be married for years and still not truly know each other. Many people hide behind social masks — a protective measure that keeps friends and family from really understanding them. Take the time to get to know yourself; it is a process that will ultimately lead to others knowing you as well.

Best wishes!

Answer 8

it is not uncommon for someone to question their marriage. Sometimes, people need a reminder on why they married their spouse. Okay, so I never being married myself....but marriage takes the willingness to fight for it. If one person is willing to hit, but the other is not...maybe setting them free is the only way to tell if they really love you. When they come back, she will be yours to keep.