Is it my depression or is it just me?

Question

I was diagnosed with depression years ago, started taking meds almost 5 years ago. I've been married just over 3 years, unhappy for most of them. I have no good reason to be unhappy, he treats me well, is a good daddy to our 2-year-old, works hard, and I know he loves me. I feel like I'm always looking for something better, though. Is that just because I'm a shallow, selfish b*tch? Or could it be that my depression leaves me feeling so empty, so hateful of myself that I'm hoping someone else will make me feel something? I know people will judge me, tell me I should suck it up and appreciate what I have. I'm miserable, though, which makes it really hard to appreciate anything. I feel like I'll always be in search of happiness, but I wouldn't know it if I found it. Is it even fair of me to stay with my husband if I'm always feeling this way? He's supportive of me, am I just using him for that support? I feel like such a terrible person!

Just to clarify, I haven't been on the same meds for the whole time, I've tried about 7 different pills, all under the supervision of a great doctor. Thanks to every one for the advice.

And, as for "thinking" I have depression...I went to a psychiatrist when I was 5 because of suicidal tendencies, so now, I don't just "think" I have it. It's been with me my whole life.

Answer 1

First thing you have to remember and it is a known fact although slowly is that depression is just as much a disease as alcoholism or diabetes...drug therapy IN CONJUNCTION with regular therapy will carry you along better than just pills alone....
I suffer from PTSD..Depression...and Anxiety Disorder from being in Iraq three times...so I will never tell you to suck it up...it is a deep dark dank isolated pit is what depression is no matter how many sunny days there are...
I do think this however...you have enough insight to you to see that you have a good male for a Husband and Father...so what I think you are doing is this...and its just an opinion I am no Therapist....but what I see is this...you are searching vehemently for something more...and I think you are looking for your someone to be that something more and when he is only giving you what he can give you as a Man you are left feeling more and more empty because you have great expectations of him more than humanly possible perhaps...I think it is as you are saying...you are putting a hell of alot of pressure in your relationship compounded with your own personal feelings and it is making you feel worse instead of better...
I think this depression is growing instead of stifling...and I think after 5 yrs it may be time to review your case thoroughly and you have to be HONEST as well and give an accurate assessment to the professionals on how you feel day to day in regards to mood...sleep...motivation...appetite...and angst...it is the only way you are going to save yourself which is in essence what you are wanting your husband to do...but your husband is wise enough to see looking from the outside in that is it only YOU that can save you from you and no one else...and I bet if you ask him he is hurting just as much as you are....I wish you the best of luck and hope you really read this and get the help and life you your husband and child so desperately deserve and need..best of luck to you

Answer 2

Before you make any long term decisions about your relationship, please go back to your doctor. Share with him or her what you've shared with us. It is possible that you've been taking the same medication or the same dosage so long that you've developed a tolerance.

After visiting your doctor and your pharmacist, evaluate other areas of your life. Are you getting enough sleep? How's your appetite? Are you exercising regularly? Are you spiritually healthy? I know these things sound corny but they all matter (particularly to a person who is battling depression).

In as much as some diabetics need insulin, people suffering from depression need medication, rest, a healthy diet, exercise, and a peaceful spirit.

Once you've done everything in your power to control your depression AND you've given what you can't control to God, then address your relationship with your husband.

You're not a terrible person. Terrible people don't ask questions like yours. Focus on the hope that's just around the corner.

Answer 3

Sounds like you need to figure out what makes you feel like you do. You should be happy you have a good husband and a child. Your life should be all about your precious child.
Maybe the meds are making things worse for you. Maybe you are determined to make yourself depressed.
Cheer up enjoy your life with your family.
God Bless you. Life is too short to be depressed.

Answer 4

Now cut that out! You are not a selfish biznitch. Depression makes us emotional tornadoes. We that suffer from it and go through all kinds of crazy thoughts. We are happy, sad, doubtful, fearful, sorry, etc.,. Honey don't blame yourself for these uncontrolled feelings-blame it on the illness. Sometimes I have to literally kick myself into getting back into a normal routine. My depression makes me withdraw and stay away from people. It does each person differently. I pray that you will get some kinda balance that works for you. Know that your husband loves you. Remember he married you for better-for worse. Don't hate yourself for it. Love yourself inspite of. I believe inside there is a beautiful, wonderful wife and mommy there that needs to get out. Try to imagine the things you would like to do and see if you can make them come true. Remember to take baby steps. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Answer 5

I can't really tell you what it is but about the depression try taking saint John Warts and go to the doctor regularly depression is in some cases a sign of cancer . Just check to make sure that it isn't any illness.

Answer 6

sometimes when you are with someone you stay with that person because you feel like you have too.if you are unhappy for your sake as well as his you need to get out of the relationship.i know the feeling of alwayes feeling like there is something more out there.you are not a bad person you just need to make your self happy ,it could be your depression or it could be and i hate to say it maybe you don't love him anymore ,it happens people fall out of love all the time .my advice take some time for you maybe go away for awhile by your self and see how you feel maybe if your away you can sort out how you feel then.but please you are not a bad person okay sweety .good luck too you i hope things get better..............

Answer 7

You may consider talking to your physician, many anti-depression drugs lose there ability to work over a long period of time, you may just need something new. Also, beware that most anti-depressives take about three weeks to become effective. You may also, need a hormone work-up, child birth plans hell on some women's hormone system.

You may also, want to consider therapy, because there appears to be other issues that you don't want to admit. it is not healthy to refer to yourself as a selfish b*tch.

Answer 8

We ve all been depressed from time to time and medication can some time help,but let me share with you what i have learned for myself. 1 you need to love your self. 2 you need your own purpose in life. 3.to find happiness with any one you must first look into yourself. and give it to your self.4 the person you marry and love for the rest of your life. has to be,being a him or a her they are just an extension of your happiness with in yourself,you need to be happy with the ME first, then every thing else will be just fine.

Answer 9

Sweetie, it sounds like the problem isn't with your husband. It may not, actually, be with you.

Why are you depressed? My guess from your feeling so empty, is that you were abused as a child. There's a great book called "Coping with Childhood Sexual Abuse.
I've been where you are - and still am there. Your story seems all too familiar to me.

Answer 10

Easy, try new meds.
What you are taking aren't working.
The meds need to change as you change.
5 years on the same prescription with a 2 yo is way too long.