My husband and i have the same fight over and over. I tell him I am not happy in our marriage and he says he doesnt understand why. I tell him i feel lonely and bored in our relationship. He always says i dont understand or he will do just a little bit in our relationship to shut me up. I always tell him he will only do things in our marriage to shut me up. He always says not, but tonight When i finally said it really doesnt matter anymore he comes back with yes it does, because if your not happy then i have to listen to you *****. I really believe he is just here because he is afraid of divorce, the cost of it, and putting his children through it. All I want is just a little romance and little more quality time. Is this to much to ask for.
This is what he considers romantic. He fixed dinner, it was good, and we ate with our kids. He bought a bottle of wine, but he never opened it during diner. We never talked during the meal.
2007-05-26 14:34:23 · 11 answers · asked by TTG 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ah. I see. How do you feel about self-help books? I read a book that helped my marriage quite a bit, and given what you have posted I think it would help you too.
The book is called "The Five Love Languages". The book talks about how people interpret love differently. I think your man doesn't interpret loving behavior the same as you, and that is where your strife is coming from.
2007-05-26 14:47:58 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some husbands are cheaters or alcoholics or drug addicts or have aids or impotent or gambling addicts or wife beaters or child molesters or couch potato bumps........... or all of the above.
And you are saying your life is miserable because he only fixed a good dinner, only bought a bottle of wine and ate together with the kids. .....and not romantic ...
You are at a stage where you are not seeing and counting your blessings. Yes he's not meeting your expectations because you choose to be stuck in your idealistic world. Nobody's perfect and it seems to me that he cannot understand why you cannot accept this.
Trust me, all the good things about him will be oblivous to you now and will not be good enough for you even if you see them. Therefore, my opinion is either you open up your heart to accomodate his flaws (just as he has been accepting yours) or do him and your kids a big favor even if they won't realise it immediately......get your divorce and a life with another partner, with that hopeful ending of "and they live happily ever after".
Because you don't deserve him and the kids and they deserve somebody better than you.
Sorry if my answer hurts...It is just meant to be a wake up call. If you have the time, try getting involved as a volunteer or counselor in those homes for broken families, poverties, etc....It helps one realise and appreciate their haves rather than their have nots....
2007-05-27 00:47:57 · answer #2 · answered by Jaff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, it's like looking in a mirror. I had this problem with my husband as well and ended up moving out with our son. I told him, "I do not want a divorce. I want to be your wife, but I can't do it under these conditions. I'll come back when you're ready to give this 100%." I was sweet to him, let him see our son whenever he wanted, but I wouldn't move back in until he convinced me that he understood what he'd been doing wrong and genuinely wanted to fix it. When he did, I moved back in the same day. I hope things work out for you . . . good luck!
2007-05-26 21:43:51 · answer #3 · answered by Urlacher Fan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you can't change someone else, you can only change yourself. Time for you to change your attitude towards being more positive - you are wanting him to do it all here!
What he did by fixing dinner for you and the children was wonderful! MOST women would be totally touched by this! You need to gain some maturity here, you are a wife and mom!
2007-05-27 07:55:05 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ma dear, no one can understand ur pain more than i could.. i was brought up this way by ma father who was just a copy of ur hubby.. he was a good luv maker and a poor care taker of his wife and kids.. and that's not the point!! the point's this, ma intuition suggested me once upon a time of a fact which people of ur hubby's kind r forgetful of it or tend to ignore it.. ma father was of great might and to his nature he wasn't in need for anyone anytime.. this absolute in dependency was the misery of ma mum and us.. however, with the passing of time, the strong and invincible figure slowly but steadily collapsed and died at advanced age though.. this was probably planned for him in order to learn a hard lesson.. and guess wht, i guess he learned it just perfectly.. men in general, especially those less sentimental, ignore the composition of a woman.. and only those who perceive women as a sex object and not a living being r gonna grieve and have nobody to mourn them.. ma advise to ya honey, tolerance and patience.. ya don't want to spoil sumthing ya have made,do ya..??
try making him understand and never involve kids even if ya does.. ma thoughts and prayers r with ya.. god be with ya..
2007-05-27 07:21:39 · answer #5 · answered by lol dol sol 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like hes willing to try...at least he'll cook and help. You 2 need to get out of the house, have a nice meal or do something relaxing and get sexy with him. You arent asking for too much, its just tough getting out of the whole married mold.
2007-05-27 00:34:34 · answer #6 · answered by Johnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family wise, he is fine.
U and him need some spark in your life.
He may be old fashion in his thought on marriage life and expectation.
Tell him your need, your little desire and your dream. Sometime even fear or scare of the future. Share with him and see what his view is like and make compromising decision to satisfied one another.
2007-05-27 23:01:48 · answer #7 · answered by jason w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you REALLY want. He tried...sort of...and then you complain. What did YOU do to make the meal special? Did you start conversation? Some men are just CLUELESS about romance (no offense men) and they think they are doing their best...
What you need to do is show him...teach him how to romance you...men are not mind readers and unless you USE WORDS they don't pick it up.
NEVER THREATEN DIVORCE UNLESS YOU SERIOUSLY WANT ONE...ONCE THE WORDS ARE SAID THEN YOU CAN NEVER TAKE THEM BACK!!!
2007-05-26 22:13:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
GIRL he's comfortable with the whole family thing and you, plan a night out get a babysitter and go out tell him no excuses. How long have you been married?
2007-05-26 21:41:35 · answer #9 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah honey take a number my hubby and i are going through that too he used to be so romantic but now he is like a lazy lover you know...if you kno how to get through to them let me know
2007-05-26 21:40:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋