Definitions of cheating...?

Question

I'm fascinated by something. Every woman I know appears to define an intellectual or emotional connection as a more serious form of cheating than a sexual connection. I've also recently heard this from women on TV as diverse as Miss Ellie Ewing from Dallas and Sharon Osbourne. On the other hand, most men I know follow the Tony Soprano line - "It's nothing intimate, just talking".

Looking for thoughts from men and women, straight and gay - how do YOU define cheating, and which is more serious - sexual or emotional connection?

lol OK - just need to make this clear - this is not something with which I am struggling :oD Just a philosophical question. Also, for those with non-obvious avatars and names, care to let me know if you're male or female?

Answer 1

My husband and I have just a few rules...
never do anything you would not do if the other was right there
never say anything you would not say if front of the other
If you say or do it would the other approve.
We may not always approve of each others actions, at least we are open and honest enough to say or do it in front of the other.
cheating is cheating physical or emotional. At first we did not have the rules and we almost lost each other. Thank God we both grew up.

Answer 2

ok. Here,s the way it is.
Men, and don,t get upset here guys, dont tend to have an emotional connection to sex. That is ok, thats just how they are. Women, well most women, do need an emotional or intellectual connection. I think people would have an easier time if they accepted this fact and stop trying to change it.
I am a woman but hey, I cant help that.
my definition of cheating is, if two people make promises or committments to each other, emotional or otherwise, then when it is broken, that is cheating.
The mistake men and women make is thinking that they both think the same way about relationships.
YOU DONT !!!

Answer 3

I think for a woman generally there ha to be an emotional connection before they will let the physical happen, therefore most might consider emotional/intellectual connections the first stage in cheating. because "If you like her, and get on with her, you must want to sleep with her."
Whereas men tend to define only the physical act as cheating but, some would even argue that because there was no connection the act meant nothing; Normally when they've been caught and are trying to persuade their beloved that it meant nothing.

Answer 4

I think the definition of cheating must be, if it hurts your partner then it's cheating, whether that is a flirty text, a kiss or a friendly relationship with someone you confide things to that you used to confide to your partner. That's what hurts women, we are very emotional, that's why it's unusual for most women to have sex without feeling something for that person. Men can tend to separate the two so therefore sometimes women can forgive that more than a relationship, the thought that our partners are talking to another person about their thoughts and feelings instead of us really hurts, that's supposed to be our job. Most men take a while to talk about that stuff so the thought they've got close enough to tell someone else that stuff makes us feel really betrayed. It's kind of like if our best friend betrays us, we've invested our emotions in that person and it hurts more somehow.

Answer 5

Oooh, interesting question!

I'm quite strict when it comes to the criteria for cheating and basically see any hidden behaviour as tantamount to cheating.

Let me clarify...

If you are talking to/texting/e-mailing or otherwise approaching someone either in secret or in a manner that you know your other half would not approve of then it's cheating.

If you are physical in any way shape or form that you wouldn't be if the other half could either see you or definately find out about-you're cheating.

Whether it's emotional involvement or 'just' physical (and how does that work anyway??) it's serious in my book although I think that the amount of effort put into the deceit would determine how far into orbit I would go (and whether I ever came back down).

Answer 6

Just wanted to rise to the aid of my husband here (falco) and reinforce that this is JUST a question which he is asking to better understand how different people define "cheating".

I have the most wonderful husband in the world, he is truly a king among kings - a devoted and loving spirit who is as deeply truthful as he is loyal.

Cheating, to me, stems from relationships that begin already flawed. If there isn't open communication from day one I think you're asking for trouble. If a couple are open and honest and fully committed, nothing will tear that down.


Cheers,
d

Answer 7

I'm a chick with a husband.

Any sex is cheating. Kissing can be cheating, if it's anything he wouldn't do to his brother (yeah my husband's European).

Emotional cheating is something I don't really understand. No, I wouldn't want my husband to be telling another woman all his hopes and dreams (especially since mostly what he talks to me about is the cool Java tool they have at work) but I can't really fault him for thinking someone else is pretty.

On my side, there's a guy I have a kind of thing for, and I know I'm not going to actually act on that, but I have to admit, I DO kind of want the guy to know (without me actually telling him) I feel that way, and if possible, for me to know he feels the same. So I suppose that could count as an emotional affair. And for someone to say that's the same (or worse) as if I actually slept with him--well I don't think that's fair!

Answer 8

Cheating is cheating, to lie and use deception or lie and there is not hang around or round about, and the most amazing sexual and spiritual relation is exactly when you don't cheat, if it a friendship when you are able to say the things with sincerity, there is nothing more beautiful than honesty, simplicity and truth.

If you are an adult you should be able to have the life you want without the need of cheating cause simply, at then end there is only one victim and this is the cheater him/her self...

To cheat only shows lack of ability...

Answer 9

What an interesting question. I suppose if my fella had a female friend whom he confided in, it would mean he not only shared feelings etc with her, but he would be spending time alone with her to do so. I would not be able to accept this at all, UNLESS, she was my friend too and I could trust her. For example, I could trust my sister. However, if I did not know this woman, and I was not allowed to meet her and get to know her, then it would be a no no with me! Not only that, but us girls just want to be everything to our men, so if we felt that our men wanted to go to another woman and offload (emotionally i mean) rather than coming to us, its going to seriously damage our confidence and self esteem in the relationship. The thing is, that in a loving, committed, sexual relationship, we should be able to talk about and share everything, and anything. Dont you think? Oh and I dont think I need to go into sexual cheating, thats just a no no, end of. You just dont do that if your in real love with a person, you just shouldnt want to. There is just NO EXCUSE for such a thing at all. If you cheat sexually, then your just not in love ,simple as!

Answer 10

its is easy to be attracted to someone. it can happen just like that.there is nothing wrong with that and it happens so long as you don't do anything about it. but the minute you start to take the matter a step further then you are cheating. for example if you meet up for coffee knowing fully that you and the other person are attracted to each other, that is cheating. its a interesting one and often people get it wrong by trying justify their actions. Another example of cheating is when you seriously flirt with someone in hope they will respond and become intimate with you. my husband's colleague has a partner and flirts with a female colleague each time they see each other and he said to my husband that he wants to have sex with her!! that is cheating whether he had sex with her or not because he is flirting seriously with her in hope that it will happen. because if his partner was there to witness this behaviour she would finish with him and he knows it. its a interesting question and needs careful thought before answering and i hope answered your question. I am female.