I dont know whether to let baby's father into her life?

Question

He was not there through my pregnancy. even after he rarely shows up. she had pneumonia at 2 months and it took him 4 days to show up and expected me to drop my pants ( which i didnt) She was in the hospital again at 4 months with internal bleeding and he never called or showed up.
He currently lives one min away from me and hasnt even stopped to check on her. If he does come over he doesnt hold her but prefers to glare at her. He is no longer welcome in my house.
He says she is not his so we have a paternity hearing next month. He said if she is his he wants to be able to see her. I know he is her father but what right does he have to treat me and her this way and then step in when he gets the results like nothing ever happened.
I want the test to prove she is his but i dont know if i want him around.
What should i do?

Answer 1

I have sort of a similar problem as you. I have a child(4 years old). Her daddy and I are not together anymore but he does she her, they have a relationship but If I had my way I wouldnt let him see her because there are a lot of things about him that I dont like. He is very irresponsible and unconsiderate in many ways, our lives would be better without him...

If I were you I´d be grateful that your baby´s daddy doesnt want to see ur baby becuz ex-bf´s are to much trouble, specially in your case he sounds like a real jerk who doesnt even wanna acknowledge that your baby is his. You and your baby would live a better life without him.

Answer 2

You're under 18 and you're still under the care of your parents so she still has the right to control some of your rights but she shouldn't be able to decide whether the baby's father can meet or not since the baby belongs to you and your boyfriend and not your mother. Once you turn 18, you can sue your own parents and take this problem to court, or your boyfriend can take this to court make a complaint to your mother that he should have the right to see the baby. The court would probably rule that you two are still not old enough or not earning enough money to live on your own or take care of the baby so they probably won't let you do that, but the baby's father should have the right to at least see the baby and your mother cannot decide which house the baby would live in either. I don't think there's a law saying that your mother can force you to keep living with her so I think you can just pack up and leave to the other house as long as the owner of that house agrees and accepts you to live with them there. But I kind of feel sorry for your mother. She has been raising you alone without any help from around and one day her daughter who's 16 suddenly has a baby and leaves her. Kind of sad but I think I can agree with your decision.

Answer 3

If you don't want him around then drop the court case. Leave the birth certificate with no father and raise her without a father. Sure, you won't get any child support, but is a few hundred bucks a month going to be worth going through all of this for the next 18+ years? And if he's a scumbag who can't or won't keep a job you're not going to see much if any money anyways so then it still won't be worth having a child support order.

I'm totally in favor of father's rights for men who want to be in their children's lives and are good role models. I just wanted to clarify that, because I'm not a man-hater. If he's a good guy that you just don't like then I would never advise you to keep your daughter away from him.

Answer 4

What you can do is document all the things he does that you consider make him unfit to be alone with your daughter. If he's a binge drinker, smokes weed or does other drugs, document and get evidence. The court can make him pay child support and if you can prove he shouldn't have unsupervised visits the court should listen to you. I'm going through the same thing. My ex said he wanted to be a dad and he did ok for the first 3 months of her life but hasn't done a damned thing for the last 3 months. Good luck to you

Answer 5

Forget about him, as a partner/husband/boyfriend. You should get on with your life. And from the things you write, you're much better off without him.

However, this careless man is your baby's biological father and he says he wants to have a relationship with her.

It is not too late. I understand it won't be easy for you to put up with his presence and to discuss parenting issues together, but for your daughter's sake, let him come in HER life. Don't be the one to stop him from trying to be a dad to your baby.

Will he change so much that he'll become a wonderful father, or will he go back to being the absent, bad parent he has been until now? You will find that out soon enough.

Answer 6

I say make him get a court order for vivsitaion. If it's important to him to be in her life, he won't mind paying for an attorney. And if he gets visitation, he will probably feel like he 'won' then see her a few times and let it drop. If you refuse to let him see her your daughter may resent you in the future. Also you sould get him for every dime of child support you can get. I am also aa single mother and have struggled with whether or not to let the father be in her life. At this point, I figure he knows where she is and will show up when he wants, and when he does I will be sweet as sugar to him for our child's sake. At some point she will see him for what he is and make her own choice. Good luck, I hope he really does want to be a daddy, but chances are he wants to see how miserable he can make you but if you are nice to him he won't be able to stand it!!

Answer 7

What a tough situation... some men are just total s**ts. However, i think that unless you believe he will harm her or abuse her, she has a right to get to know her dad. They may have a totally different relationship from what you expect, or even from what you would like! But she´ll be wanting to know him at some point in her life, and she´ll grow up with your support and in time be able to make her own desicion about letting him into her life or not.
Hope the dad grows up soon... sounds pretty infantile to me. It took my son´s dad three years before he got a handle on things, but they have a great relationship now, even though my son knows that I´m the one that´s there for the "real stuff" and that dad is just there to play. Kids aren´t stupid, thanks be to God! Best of luck!!

Answer 8

im going thru a similar thing with my sons father if where u id give him a chance if he is still not stepping up then dont allow him to affect ur daughter like that becuz it can have a very big affect on a child seeing her father only every so often and him coming in and out of her life it can do damage so if i where u id give him one more chance after that then i wouldnt allow him around her anymore.

Answer 9

i dont know what your personal lifes were like or the reason why he could doubt the paternity question but wait till he knows he is definitely the father of that baby then if his behavior doesnt change well honey your not the only girl too find a jerk that they have too quickly remove from their child's life hopefully for ever!! make him pay child support anyway though hee hee

Answer 10

He has every right to see his child anytime he wants to. It is against the law for you to keep him from seeing her. The fact that YOU don't want him around is a moot point. The COURT will decide upon his rights to visitation.