My niece (my wife's sisters child) and I have always been very close and she has always been affectionate and cuddly with me. Lately I have been wondering if she is attempting to put me in a "boyfriend' type of role...I don't have kids but I'm pretty sure it is still appropriate that she sits in my lap at almost 15 and when I sit she always sits beside me and will grab my arm and put it around her, or will come up behind me and wrap her arms around my neck. I love her and enjoy her affection, and even if it is inappropriate I have NO idea how to curb it without destroying her fragile pubescent confidence. What brought this to the front of my mind is that recently we were at a family gathering and I did not see her so much as hug or show any affection towards any of her 4 other uncles. I am the youngest uncle so i suppose it's natural but I don't want to approach it the wrong way. Any advice (especially from women) would be appreciated.
2007-05-26 09:49:31 · 18 answers · asked by J.E. 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Sorry I meant it ISNT still appropriate for her to sit in my lap...typo.
2007-05-26 09:50:22 · update #1
ok "just me" that is just goddamm sick...who said i was attracted to her??? read the questions before you answer you FREAK
2007-05-26 09:57:06 · update #2
caey:
my wife has said that she thinks niece has a bit of a crush but she hasn't mentioned it in a long time and I have debated whether to open a can of worms by bringing something up that no one else thinks is a big deal...
i am always conscious of others' reaction (especially her parents) when she is so clingy with me but no one seems to take any notice other than if i do something for her the occasional "wrapped around her little finger" teasing comment from her mom. Keep in mind that i have known this child since she was 2 and it's always been this way so it's not llike the reached 13 and all of a sudden started being affectionate towards me...thanks for the advice
2007-05-26 13:20:22 · update #3
Okay so obviously "just me" needs to learn how to read:)
It sounds like your niece absolutely adores you and if I were in your situation I'd let it go for about a year and see what happens.
I was the same way with my Dad.......I sat on his lap until he passed on and I was 20 then and actually my behavior was not that much different then what you niece is doing. If it really bothers you then take your sister in law out to lunch and talk to her about how you feel, or maybe your wife can do it. I think you are smart not to say anything directly to your niece as this could damage your relationship with her forever. Think about this way..............If she is not being sexual in anyway and all she is doing is loving her favorite Uncle then it's really not a big deal. Kudos to you for being the coolest Uncle ever! God Bless You and I hope things work out for you.
2007-05-26 10:17:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because you are the adult you're the one who is considered in control of how she acts with you. She's old enough to know what's appropriate and what's not though. Uncles can put their arms around their nephews/nieces but allowing them to sit in their lap? I think that's odd. And no matter what age you are this is NOT natural. Having a crush - even if it's minor - on a relative is unnatural and quite disgusting. The fact that she doesn't act that way with her other uncles doesn't have anything to do with it. She could just be closer to you than them but I think you need to handle the situations differently. When she sits beside you and puts your arm around her keep it around her upper shoulder. When she hugs you make it a nothing-special kinda hug so she doesn't get any ideas. About the lap thing and her age especially she shouldn't be doing that. Avoid being in a place where she is able to. Good luck.
2007-05-26 10:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by Abby 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I remember my favorite uncle when I was younger. Uncles are cool because they can play with you and you'll get away with a lot more than you would with your parents. Obviously, at the age of 14 she's getting into puberty so her affections do seem to take on more overtones. The sitting in the lap I would discourage. I'm not exactly sure how without being direct, but if its not overly obvious, just stand or keep a laptop computer on your lap while she's around if you have one. Or start carrying a water gun with you and shoot her with it, that'll keep her away...sorry I don't have the best ideas but I think its very admirable that you're trying not to deflate her confidence.
2007-05-26 10:06:10 · answer #3 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey there, ur niece loves u very much like the other uncles but u r considered to her as the favorite uncle that she can trust. What ever u do, do not take away that wonderful trust and affection from her by thinking negative and thinking that ur niece has a thing 4 u? Continue to talk to her in a normal family way but if she makes a funny move, then I suggest u put ur foot down and say that family stays together and that family do not mix together. Hope this helps u, Good Luck....
2007-05-26 09:57:58 · answer #4 · answered by ltnscorpionking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A nice gift card to a local clothing store or music store would be nice. And at 14 you could still give her one of those really soft stuffed animals holding the gift card. At 14 she's at that age that she would never ask for a stuffed animal but if you get one of the ones that are just soooooo soft she will still love it. To me 14 is a little young for jewelry and make-up is a personal thing between the parents and the teenager. I'd go with the gift card. Good luck and God Bless.
2016-05-18 04:35:46 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally do not see much wrong with it. It is a good thing that she can be open with you. Maybe she can't be affectionate with her father or does not feel comfy doing so.
Also, look at how it makes YOU feel to determine if it needs to stop. If you are not comfortable, then try to talk to her. Be gentle though because like I said, she may not be comfortable showing affection with anyone else. Has anyone else every said anything about it? What about your wife? GL!!
2007-05-26 13:00:37 · answer #6 · answered by caey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At 15 i dont think sitting on your lap is appropriate either.
You dont have to tell her anything but you can try not to touch her and when she touches you either say you are going to get something or do something.
Also maybe jokingly ask her about boys at school etc so you can get her talking about them and see exactly how she reacts etc.
I dont think its anything major so dont stress!! Just make sure she doesnt cross any boundaries with you thats all.
She will soon grow out of it!!
2007-05-26 09:56:02 · answer #7 · answered by MichM 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i used to be this way with my uncle, we are still very close. he used to tell me all the time i was to old to sit on his lap. i didnt care
seems like when i turned 16 or 17 i stopped being so affectionate
2007-05-26 09:55:08 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you could be her favorite uncle. I have an uncle that I always talk about and stuff it doesn't really mean I like him that way. That's just disgusting... the things she does is kinda inappropriate though. You should talk to her in private about that just say it's uncomfortable or something.
2007-05-26 10:58:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sit down and talk to her, tell her that your a man and shes a teenager that she has to be careful about what she does with older men she will realize what you mean good luck ;)
2007-05-26 09:55:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋